NEWSFLASH: Women allowed to drive automobiles. How? Why? Oh, God, who will iron the shirts?! Seriously, I didn’t believe it myself until I came across this AP article about Danica Patrick dominating the Japan 300 yesterday. Turns out Danica is the first person (and hottie!) with a vagina to win an IndyCar race:
“I’ve been asked so many times when and if I can win my first race,” she said. “And, finally, no more of those questions.”
Patrick was welcomed by her family near the podium.
“There was a lot of “I love you,’ and ‘congratulations,’ Patrick said. “My dad said it was the best day of his life.”
Michael Andretti, co-owner of Andretti Green Racing, called his driver a “fantastic person.”
“I’m thrilled for her that the monkey is finally off of her back,” said Andretti, co-owner of Andretti Green Racing. “We have all believed in her and she proved today that she is a winner. Frankly, I think this is the first of many.”
I think I speak for everybody when I say, monkeys shouldn’t be allowed in race cars – unless it’s firing a gun at the other drivers while wearing an eye-patch. When something’s that adorable, you just gotta laugh and remember primates can’t be prosecuted. Right, my secret gang of chimpanzee jewel thieves? Now go fetch me diamonds! … Or flagrantly masturbate on the coffee table. Again. I swear, it’s like you guys have never seen The View before. My, my, my. Hello, Joy Behar…
wow, great writing fish…that monkey shit was actually funny!
#26, so that was you in the right lane? It doesn’t matter where or how fast one drives around here, one’ll reap a bountiful harvest of fingers, gestures, and “fuck you, you fucking fuck”s regardless. So just don’t look in any of your mirrors or out the back window and it won’t matter.
I’d love to see a Danica-off between this one and Danica McKellar. Preferably involving pudding, jello, or the like.
She finished seventh in Indy Car last season. As in, seventh in the WORLD, not some half-assed mostly-American competition where you call yourself “world champion” out of pure arrogance. Do you have any idea how many open-wheel race car leagues and drivers there are worldwide and how much money is invested to win? Just for a single Indy car, a team will spend 5-10 million dollars. Nobody puts a “mediocre” driver in the seat of that car. Occasionally an attractive female athlete comes along and gets lots of publicity, but it’s very rare for one to be a top competitor as well (Patrick, Sharapova…?).
#53 – Yea, ok. Is she a world champion clothing presser? Child bearer? Is she making sure to slob her man’s knob on a regular basis? Do she flinch everytime her man stretches knowing any wrong move would result in corrective action? If the answer is no to any of these questions, then she’ll be single forever.
#4. i’m sorry you’re really fat. and aparantly really mad about it.
and
Kim Kardashian wore that dress better
see here
http://thesuperficial.com/image.php?path=/2007/09/0920_kim_kardashian_maxim_03.jpg
@20
I LOLed. Hard.
@20
God damn right! Very nicely written. Future douchebags take notice: write ignorant shit then, get it shoved up your ass!
#54 – come on, that sucked. If you’re going to troll here, think up something clever and provocative. That was nad-scratching. As in real life, we’re not impressed.
are dikes even considered real women? she looks kinda butch to me, i bet she has more testosterone than the governator and charles bronson put together.
P.S. no matter how you put it, WOMEN SUCK AT DRIVING!
She has a better physique than Boyd Dowler.
Of course, when I compared, Boyd was in his 80s.
Nothing in these pics says dyke.
http://www.indymotorspeedway.com/danica.htm
@59
hahaha, they really do.
We have 10 field techs in our engineering office, 3 of which are women. We had 5 motor vehicle accidents for 2007, and the women made up 4 of them.
Primates can’t be prosecuted??!!? What, exactly, do you think humans are?
Wow, a picture of a woman who has achieved something ! On the Superficial !
Next time maybe we will see a cutie with a PhD in Physics !
#58 – I’ll assume you’re still single.
They’re making all kinds of games out of her winning on Fyrebug http://www.fyrebug.com/?p=5659 I don’t know if it’s because of her cleavage or that they’re racing fans…
@59, if you’re from tijuana, you can’t drive either.
#6
I’m really sick of all these fat women jealous of Asians and stating the wrong information.
Sweetie,
Why don’t you look around and compare all women who are slim from all colors. If you pick a Caucasian one and an Asian one, both with the same waist size, it is almost always that the Asian one has the bigger boobs.
Most Non-Asian American females usually have larger boobs ONLY because they are fatter, in which case they practically have the man-boobs developed due to fat excess.
Another reason you can’t see Asian women’s shapes more easily because most Asians were raised not to dress whorishly and to be very subtle with their boobs and asses. After all, most aspire to be doctors, scientists or IT professionals, not cheerleaders.
Oh yea meester we put girl in white lab coat for you. If it wot turn you on Popeye.
#65
*crickets*
I think women that can drive really well are beyond hot. I know two tech savvy user-interface designers in town, women, both pretty cute, who race cars. One can destroy you in her GTi, and the other is a test instructor for BMW. She can drift her car around corners and blow your mind. Hot.
The only reason she won is she was the only driver who was willing to stop and ask for directions.
I’m not saying Danica is thick in any way, but I find it hard to believe that she’s only 100lbs on a 5’2″ frame. Most women I know with those numbers are slimmer.
@68
I can attest some of your points
I used to hook up with this asian chick Jen at the beach and my friends nicknamed her “J-lo mein” due to her beautiful bubble butt
#68 – An Asian girl with a round ass is almost as rare as a black girl with small lips or a white girl not wanting to 69 a Hispanic dude. I’m not saying it never happens, just like I’m not saying that the moon landing wasn’t filmed in a sound stage in the dessert, I’m just sayin’…
#70 – I’ll take that as a yes. But I will have to thank you for all of YOUR insightful, clever, and funny commentary. If you were ever able to drug, gag, brainwash a man and lop off his feet, he’d be proud.
Well if these are your best efforts, I’m sorry I addressed you in the first place. That’s 30 seconds I’ll never get back.
Much like most sentient beings, I wouldn’t waste my best efforts on you sweetie. Now, shouldn’t you be in the kitchen prepping for dinner? Don’t blame me if you get in trouble. The “That’s 30 seconds I’ll never get back” has been repeated here ad naseum. Apparently orginality and you are bitter enemies.
She told me that she would win this race with her strategy. It was not an accident, it was a strategy.
The timing of pit stops and refueling are crucial to winning a race (for the ignorant person who commented earlier).
She is not interested in F1, she has no interest in living in Europe again. It sucks there and she loves Arizona.
Not every man is a good driver, especially her husband so she does most of the driving.
I’d like to see anyone here who discredits her ability to drive try to take her, how about just on the streets….a straight away. Oh that’s right… there likely isn’t a single person on this site who has made as much as her through racing and sponsors. I guess the only reason you “men” wouldn’t beat her is because you’d be driving your crappy Nissans…they wouldn’t exactly compete with her Lambo, now would they?
She is a very nice person and if you have the priveledge of knowing or meeting her… then you would know that she is very beautiful and her weight is perfectly healthy. (except to the majority of overweight and obese americans who are angry at anyone that is not a disgusting pig and actually takes care of themselves).
Enjoy the rest of your afternoon sitting in a cubicle angry at successful peoples lives, fame and fortune.
@ 75- Really? The moon landing was filmed in the dessert? Which one? A piece of cherry cheesecake, perhaps? Or maybe a big ol’ slice of chocolate cream pie. Yummm.
@15, 47, and 78- OMG! OMFG! Seriously, that “get back in the kitchen stuff”? I mean that is absolutely the funniest shit I’ve ever heard in my entire life. I don’t think any man, ever, has ever used that line. What the fuck is wrong with the world, none of you headlining at a comedy club?
She’s a bit over-rated as a driver. I hate to bust anyone’s bubble, but remember those lady soccer players from a few years back? We had to live with the hype surrounding them too, for awhile, till everyone figured out it was just about their boobs and butts. A female in any traditional male-dominated sport is going to get attention way beyond her abilities – and I do mean her driving. If Danica wasn’t a cutie, she could win the New York to Paris race and nobody would care. Nobody.
she can suckk my dicck.
Go girl power.
Of course if it were left to women we would still be living in caves that were really nicely decorated with the most expensive palm leaves.
Wow, Kim K has definitely gone downhill since then. She ridiculously hot! She needs to get it together!
where’s her right boob?
Was the new minimum weight rule in place for this race? She was allowed to race for far too long with the unfair advantage of her diminutive stature. That she wasn’t screaming the whole time for a rule to ensure that she was racing on a level field with all of the other drivers raises serious questions about her sportsmanship.
#80 – Uuuuhhhhhh….. the whole comment was ridiculous….. just like your retort, hence the extra “s”….. here, I’ll make up for it: you’re tupid.
And for the record, no one likes a woman who can’t navigate a kitchen, which is why it is an oft-repeated line. Hell, I’d put a cot in there for my woman if she didn’t run in there at 5am every morning. After she does her hair and makeup of course.
i bet she can drive my cock into her pussy pretty well. the facts here are that she is a woman and she won…something that has never happened before. so no matter what she made history and no matter what her win will mark a change in racing. congrats to her…and her pretty face. if she were ugly she would not be big news or at least not in so many magazines. there are other girls in racing, but danica is a better driver and more attractive…that will always give her the edge. having a pretty face never hurt anyone.
Catherine Legge – much better driver, actually won races in the series that Danica couldn’t.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katherine_Legge
Who cares??? It’s an insignificant form of racing now. Used to be a great circuit but it’s been dead for years.
Awesome work – can’t believe how well she did.