NEWSFLASH: Women allowed to drive automobiles. How? Why? Oh, God, who will iron the shirts?! Seriously, I didn’t believe it myself until I came across this AP article about Danica Patrick dominating the Japan 300 yesterday. Turns out Danica is the first person (and hottie!) with a vagina to win an IndyCar race:
“I’ve been asked so many times when and if I can win my first race,” she said. “And, finally, no more of those questions.”
Patrick was welcomed by her family near the podium.
“There was a lot of “I love you,’ and ‘congratulations,’ Patrick said. “My dad said it was the best day of his life.”
Michael Andretti, co-owner of Andretti Green Racing, called his driver a “fantastic person.”
“I’m thrilled for her that the monkey is finally off of her back,” said Andretti, co-owner of Andretti Green Racing. “We have all believed in her and she proved today that she is a winner. Frankly, I think this is the first of many.”
I think I speak for everybody when I say, monkeys shouldn’t be allowed in race cars – unless it’s firing a gun at the other drivers while wearing an eye-patch. When something’s that adorable, you just gotta laugh and remember primates can’t be prosecuted. Right, my secret gang of chimpanzee jewel thieves? Now go fetch me diamonds! … Or flagrantly masturbate on the coffee table. Again. I swear, it’s like you guys have never seen The View before. My, my, my. Hello, Joy Behar…
Jim Wilke | April 21, 2008 at 1:11 am
She didnt beat anybody. She only won because everyone else ran outta fuel. Don’t believe the hype she still sucks.
FTG
mrah | April 21, 2008 at 1:11 am
She’s Hot
husbandclothes.com | April 21, 2008 at 1:19 am
You are usually so funny. This post is kind of weird. Are you saying she’s cute or what?
This girl is awesome. The name Danica alone is awesome. GO Danica. I wish I could drive like you. I can barely pull out of a parking space without wrecking…
THAT_GIRL_JENN | April 21, 2008 at 1:27 am
I HATE WHITE MEN!
All you guys want to see is skinny anorexic chick.
No wonder you date flat assed no boobed Asians.
They have the bodies of 12 year olds but all the white guys think they
are “so hot” or “cute” please, admit your all f@gs now and die!!!!
Zee Brat | April 21, 2008 at 1:28 am
Thats awesome. Congrats Danika.
THAT_GIRL_JENN | April 21, 2008 at 1:29 am
I HATE WHITE MEN!
All you guys want to see is skinny anorexic chick.
No wonder you date flat assed no boobed Asians.
They have the bodies of 12 year olds but all the white guys think they
are “so hot” or “cute” please, admit your all f@gs now and die!!!!
Jabbaz #1 | April 21, 2008 at 1:35 am
You Go Girl, representin the females!
Oh Jenn. | April 21, 2008 at 2:02 am
this could be a picture of the virgin mary and some fat chick would bitch that white men are only into her because she’s skinny. Not like Patrick did anything else to gain recognition! I half expected a little spam present at the end of that broken english rant.
go back to the kitchen woman | April 21, 2008 at 2:04 am
women can’t drive. loser.
Troy | April 21, 2008 at 2:07 am
i love all girls named Danica!
especially Danica Patrick.
She is one hot talented girl.
Who wouldn’t want to be tied down, beaten, tortured and raped by Danica Patrick.
I would love for her to beat me to a pulp, stomp on my balls, until I am a cripple then work on the rest of me until I am a gimp, only a slave for all girls to use as a toy.
Jo | April 21, 2008 at 2:09 am
#6
There are boobed Asians….I’ve got bigger boobs than any of my Caucasian friends! I do *not* have a 12 year old body, and that doesn’t mean I’m fat either.
Rump Her Steel Skin | April 21, 2008 at 7:38 am
Damn, a winner.
This site is always packed with dipshit wanna bees that do nothing – ever.
What a surprise, a good looking winner with an actual future.
The world must be coming to an end this week….
Amber Dextrose | April 21, 2008 at 7:41 am
Wow, how cool! She’s my new heroine. I like how she still has a cute button nose and looks kinda girly. Nice to see that the Fish can actually post pics of a female without her tits and arse hanging out.
tina | April 21, 2008 at 7:43 am
good
jumpin_j | April 21, 2008 at 8:01 am
Way to go Danica. You’ve proven your the best at going really fast and being able to turn to the left… again … and again…. and again. Probably left her signal on too.
Now get back in the kitchen.
hacksaw | April 21, 2008 at 8:29 am
#4 Call me. :-)
hacksaw | April 21, 2008 at 8:32 am
#11 Call me.
T. | April 21, 2008 at 8:39 am
Kim K. rocks that dress better.
starbucks | April 21, 2008 at 9:00 am
Congrats, Danica!
Fat bitches suck | April 21, 2008 at 9:04 am
@ #4 & 6
So you’re fat , huh ? White guys don’t like you, huh ? Don’t worry … there is always some brotha that likes fat white bitches … but you’ll have to buy him stuff. Anyway … it appears you are soooo fat that your sausage fingers double posted. Put down the double whopper, stop hating on the Asian chick that stole your last boyfriend years ago … and get to the gym ! Chop chop , lardass !
Dr. Otto VanDerWahl | April 21, 2008 at 9:19 am
My mother says that women that can drive a stick shift are hot. Alas she only drive automatics
Auntie Kryst | April 21, 2008 at 9:19 am
Considering the fact that she won at Indy driving a mini-van one-handed while talking on her cell phone, loaded down with groceries and kids on their way to soccer practice, makes victory taste that much sweeter. Just joking, a nice win and story..
Sean | April 21, 2008 at 9:21 am
It’s a sad day when “dominating the race” means taking the lead with three laps to go.
RENEE | April 21, 2008 at 9:22 am
Who gives a flying fuck
A. | April 21, 2008 at 9:22 am
Saying that she won only because the others ran out of fuel, and then discounting that shows ignorance to racing. Fuel conservation is a critical part of any racing strategy. Knowing when to go full bore and when to conserve is important.
T | April 21, 2008 at 9:27 am
HOLY HOTTIE!!! WOW! I am envious of a woman that can drive professionally. I’m a woman that does the speed limit in the right lane, I hate driving fast. Living in NYC area you learn quick that it’s best to stay the hell outta the way on the BQE, Cross-Bronx and NJ Turnpike. Unless you enjoy seeing grimaces or getting the finger every 15 seconds.
#20… LOL!.
havoc | April 21, 2008 at 9:28 am
Are you sure she didn’t have a man driving for her?
That’s what I heard…..
.
evildodger | April 21, 2008 at 9:39 am
Any activity in which a female competes along side Men…and then wins…is not a sport.
Run n Gun | April 21, 2008 at 9:48 am
@4
(Insert gorilla hooting, hanging upside down from tree vine)
deacon jones | April 21, 2008 at 9:51 am
oh boy. dont even get me started. im getting some coffee..
Missy | April 21, 2008 at 9:53 am
@ #20
LMFAO!!!!!!!!! Couldn’t have said it better myself!
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | April 21, 2008 at 9:53 am
#28 – That is correct, because as we all know, women are best at being passenger seat drivers. And blowing the actual driver of course.
does TCSLTC? | April 21, 2008 at 10:18 am
i’d do her
Fencer | April 21, 2008 at 10:19 am
She has those geeky, Britney-type slope shoulders. Never hot.
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | April 21, 2008 at 10:23 am
Her tits look like thet were flattened in a wind tunnel.
AvP | April 21, 2008 at 10:25 am
Its a shame Indy Car drivers are all shit compared to F1 drivers, but still you can only beat what put in front of you, so fair play to Patrick!
Dunovan | April 21, 2008 at 10:29 am
These comments are so lame. What, is school out?
sportsdvl | April 21, 2008 at 10:38 am
Wow #1 – been jealous for long? She can outdrive your dumb ass!
Congrats to Danica for the win and thanks Fish for actually putting up a picture of someone who’s done SOMETHING!
woodhorse | April 21, 2008 at 11:11 am
I found one of my pancakes has an exact likeness of Danica Patrick on it. I’m selling it on Ebay..
Spazz | April 21, 2008 at 11:14 am
She is hot, i’d do her in the back of an Indy Car.
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | April 21, 2008 at 11:18 am
#37 – Yea, you really brought the funny with that comment there cupcake.
cars | April 21, 2008 at 11:18 am
@25
she DID win cause everyone ran out of gas. saying that doesn’t display ignorance of racing. how about tony stewart at kansas in 2006, or greg biffle in 2007? both coasted across the line out of gas, and both won their respective races.
Danica is NOT a good driver, she’s just hyped cause she’s a woman and she can run up front here and there.
cars | April 21, 2008 at 11:19 am
it’s called a fuel gamble. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
Alys | April 21, 2008 at 11:26 am
Another car driver woman.. http://www.milkaduno.com you go ladies!
A. | April 21, 2008 at 11:27 am
@42 – I didn’t deny HOW she won, only that it doesn’t prove that she didn’t use skill/strategy to win that way. Not only that she won within 4 years of being in the league, with over half her finishes in the top 10. That is pretty damn good in any sport.
Alys | April 21, 2008 at 11:29 am
http://www.milkaduno.com/races.html
MeanOldMan | April 21, 2008 at 11:29 am
Back in my day we wouldn’t even let women drive cars. Now get back in the kitchen and make me a sammich!!
Fat bitches suck | April 21, 2008 at 11:31 am
Jeebus ! Take the NASCAR talk to redneck.com … this is the Superficial. Unless there is a pic of this broad in a bikini … who gives a f**k ?
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | April 21, 2008 at 11:45 am
I bet she doesn’t win the Saudi 300.
Kati | April 21, 2008 at 11:57 am
You guys are ridiculous misogynistic fools. Who cares if she is a woman? This site’s comments prove how far we are from equality in this world. So sad…
If it was a guy who “won because everyone else ran out of gas”, there would be no controversy at all and no mention. You guys are pathetic excuses for human beings…