Dane Cook voted ‘The Unfunniest Comic’ in Boston

April 2nd, 2008 // 111 Comments

Dane Cook was crowned “The Unfunniest Comic” yesterday in his hometown of Boston. On a radio contest, he beat out stiff competition which included Jay Leno, Carlos Mencia, Paula Poundstone and Jeff Foxworthy. One could say he put “the kibosh” on them. Eh? I feel so dirty. Page Six reports:

“We were talking about how people laugh out loud at nonsense and Dane is a good example of that,” Toucher told Page Six. “We’d listen to him and at the end of four minutes he’d change subjects, and that was it. We couldn’t figure out when the joke was.
“And he’s actually hated. People don’t hate others they way they do him. At least Foxworthy panders to rednecks. Dane’s stories are so weak you wouldn’t want to hear them over lunch.”

That bastard. Talking about nonsense during a comedy routine. I’ll kill him! Right in the face with my laser blasting cock of doom after I drive a tank through his house. And the tank will be manned by every single chick from Smallville in a bikini (Except Chloe.) This’ll teach Dane Cook to be more serious with his comedy. Serious as a heart attack – with AIDS.

EDIT: I’ve just been informed that Chloe is hot now. I, seriously, haven’t watched the show in years. Let it not be said I’m not a reasonable man. She can come. But I hope she understands I run a tight ship/tank. Pillow fights mandatory and we break for strip clubs. Semper Fi!

Photos: Getty Images
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  1. Christine

    Dane cook is hilarious and I want him to have my babies.

    Fine piece of a$$.

  2. wreckhouse

    The only thing funny about Dane Cook is when that guy from MadTV does his imitation of him, which is far funnier than anything I’ve ever heard come out of DC’s stupid mouth.

  3. Not a Boston Comic.

    Yeah. Dane Cook isn’t funny just like Stephen King is a bad writer. Everyone knows that truly skilled artists languish in obscurity, it’s proof of their genius.

    He made it, you didn’t, you’re jealous, get over it. Being from Boston, I could have told you years ago that he would be branded as a bad comic upon attaining fame, because Bostonians live to complain.

    ….Okay, so he does pander to groupies, and I kinda want to punch him too, but only because I’m jealous.

  4. how is it that sonuvabitch has more money for doing nothing worth a damn?

    i say we topple his tour bus with him inside.

  5. IKE

    #104, I didn’t know who he was when I tagged him “unfunny.” I was told (by a girl….a groupie apparently) that he was soooooo funny, so I saw a couple of clips. Then I saw him on MTV’s movie awards show. Weak.
    Maybe he just didn’t live up to the hype that I was given.
    I hope he returns to obscurity and works on the genius of his craft…..he hasn’t grasped it yet.

    GO RED SOX!!
    :)

  6. Dan

    I really get a kick out of his comedy but all of the albums and specials are repetitious with very little new material. If you truly want to see how unfunny he is watch the “Dennis Leary Roast”. Cook is the host and truly sucked the show up. In general though I concur with #95.

  7. Sam

    Dane Cook can be hilarious! Especially when he’s doing Louie CK’s material. When I listen to a Dane Cook joke, if it is funny, I wonder who he got it from.

  8. ashley

    Oh my gosh, whatever dude. I know a lot of guys don’t like him cuz hes hot as hell and funny so they’re bitter and jealous. Whatever ,he is so effin funny because all of his stories, you can relate to and be like omg that just happened to me yesterday. Like relationsh!ts, and like cutting down peoples directions… take a right at the red house… “thats fu%$in maroon!” If you cross the railroad tracks you’ve gone to far.. “bump bump”…… and really loud or really quiet people at the drive thru, “Ma’am , are you trying to molest via drive thru?”…”Okay, pull around”…………”where do I go?” Dane Cook is funny, if he was fat and ugly nobody would mess with him. How bout Carlos Mencia steals other people’s material and he still isn’t even amusing. But another funny guy, Nick Swardson…HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Using Dane’s rediculousness as an excuse to hate him is stupid because Adam Sandler was rediculous but everyones loves him. I think Adam is attractive but “a regular joe” Dane Cook is really attractive and I promise that has to do with him not being liked.

  9. i hate him soooooo much, NO TALENT!

  10. des

    ashley #108 guys do not think like that, if he’s not funny he’s not funny

  11. Singularity

    It’s kind of ironic that someone here said “At least he doesn’t steal his material. I’m looking at you Carlos Mencia”, given that among comedians, Cook is widely regarded as one of the worst thieves of other people’s material working today. Now, “borrowing” from your fellow comedians is a time-honored tradition, so he probably wouldn’t be held in such disregard by comedy pros, except that he delivers that stolen material like a spastic goatherd. Not funny + thief = douche.

    And Ashley, how could you accuse men of disliking Cook just because he’s pretty? I like Brian Posehn and Patton Oswald a lot, and they are both better looking than Dane Cook.

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