Dane Cook was crowned “The Unfunniest Comic” yesterday in his hometown of Boston. On a radio contest, he beat out stiff competition which included Jay Leno, Carlos Mencia, Paula Poundstone and Jeff Foxworthy. One could say he put “the kibosh” on them. Eh? I feel so dirty. Page Six reports:
“We were talking about how people laugh out loud at nonsense and Dane is a good example of that,” Toucher told Page Six. “We’d listen to him and at the end of four minutes he’d change subjects, and that was it. We couldn’t figure out when the joke was.
“And he’s actually hated. People don’t hate others they way they do him. At least Foxworthy panders to rednecks. Dane’s stories are so weak you wouldn’t want to hear them over lunch.”
That bastard. Talking about nonsense during a comedy routine. I’ll kill him! Right in the face with my laser blasting cock of doom after I drive a tank through his house. And the tank will be manned by every single chick from Smallville in a bikini (Except Chloe.) This’ll teach Dane Cook to be more serious with his comedy. Serious as a heart attack – with AIDS.
EDIT: I’ve just been informed that Chloe is hot now. I, seriously, haven’t watched the show in years. Let it not be said I’m not a reasonable man. She can come. But I hope she understands I run a tight ship/tank. Pillow fights mandatory and we break for strip clubs. Semper Fi!