Dane Cook voted ‘The Unfunniest Comic’ in Boston

April 2nd, 2008 // 111 Comments

Dane Cook was crowned “The Unfunniest Comic” yesterday in his hometown of Boston. On a radio contest, he beat out stiff competition which included Jay Leno, Carlos Mencia, Paula Poundstone and Jeff Foxworthy. One could say he put “the kibosh” on them. Eh? I feel so dirty. Page Six reports:

“We were talking about how people laugh out loud at nonsense and Dane is a good example of that,” Toucher told Page Six. “We’d listen to him and at the end of four minutes he’d change subjects, and that was it. We couldn’t figure out when the joke was.
“And he’s actually hated. People don’t hate others they way they do him. At least Foxworthy panders to rednecks. Dane’s stories are so weak you wouldn’t want to hear them over lunch.”

That bastard. Talking about nonsense during a comedy routine. I’ll kill him! Right in the face with my laser blasting cock of doom after I drive a tank through his house. And the tank will be manned by every single chick from Smallville in a bikini (Except Chloe.) This’ll teach Dane Cook to be more serious with his comedy. Serious as a heart attack – with AIDS.

EDIT: I’ve just been informed that Chloe is hot now. I, seriously, haven’t watched the show in years. Let it not be said I’m not a reasonable man. She can come. But I hope she understands I run a tight ship/tank. Pillow fights mandatory and we break for strip clubs. Semper Fi!

Photos: Getty Images
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  1. Nick

    I can understand why people don’t think Dane Cook is funny. It’s just not their type of humor. I listen to Dave Attell, Doug Stanhope, Demetri Martin, Nick Swardson, Lewis Black, and a whole bunch of other comedians. I absolutely love stand up comedy. If I want to listen to silly childish humor I pop in one of Dane Cooks first two albums.
    People seem to forget that comedy DOESN’T have to be intelligent to be funny. Also that not everyone is going to find the same shit hilarious.
    All this is, is a bunch of people jumping on the “I hate Dane Cook” bandwagon cause it’s trendy.
    You don’t have to hate on him just because you don’t think he’s funny. That’s just being an idiot.

  2. Groucho

    #33, LOL. :D

    #50, yeah Cook is a decent actor, just a horribly unfunny “comedian”.

  3. combustion8

    “genuinely funny comedian”
    now that was funny!

    btw, only black and hispanic comedians use race jokes, whites arent allowed.

  4. Erica.

    He is extremely funny in my opinion. I think it depends on your personality as to if you think he’s funny or not. People who are serious and who feel the need to out smart people every second of their lives are the people who don’t find him funny. Not to mention, he sellls out basically all his shows, as someone else pointed out. So it’s obvious many people like him, including me.
    Oh and Todd Jaspers- that’s stupid as fuck. He’s way funny, that shits just stupid.

  5. combustion8

    @52

    I saw nick swardson last year, sat in the front row, he’s one of my favorites.

  6. I'd ride him

    I don’t know… I liked his bit about being nice to the creepy guy at work (Though I’m pretty sure that’s the only Dane Cook sketch I’ve heard). Either way, he’s hot and he’s in horrible comedy films. That’s probably why people hate him. If you’re a comedian in a comedy that is in no way funny, people will associate your brand of humor with the crap movie you just starred in. I don’t think that’s unfair either. He’s either desperate to become an actor, or he has no sense of humor.

  7. Auntie Kryst

    @40 Coach you’re right. I forgot about that Wallace. Did you catch his act in front of the University of Alabama? He drew huge crowds, you should have seen the security team.

  8. no hes not hot

    he has a bad case of douchefaceitis.

  9. mamadough

    (random thoughts when pondering dane cook)

    a douchebag is a douchebag is a buttplug.

    look, a dead baby! oh my god, i’m so fucking funny. i’m on dane cook’s level now. i’ll make millions being a complete and utter twat.

    what to hear a story? no not really, shut your fucking mouth!

    maybe it’s been awhile for a few of you, but frat boy humor isn’t funny, it’s fucking obnoxious. i’m the loudest, dumbest asshole in the room. good for you dane cook!

  10. Vince Lombardi

    @58 – Yep. Not a dark face among ‘em. Think that meant anything?

  11. tp

    If you don’t think DC is funny, you’re just jealous that he’s selling out his shows, not to mention is HOT as hell. Obviously he’s doing something right! Stop hatin’!

  12. JM

    I hate to break it to you, but there is no “I hate Dane Cook” bandwagon. Everyone on here is just shocked that there are other people out there that can’t fucking stand him. That’s not hating, that’s hatred. The fact that we are surprised to find other people that don’t like him either speaks volumes about his work, or about the masses’ lack of taste. I’m not here to judge which one applies, but I have serious doubts as to it being his “talent” as a comedian. The guy tells “this one time at band camp” stories with a “I’m so funny I laugh uncontrollably at my own jokes” twist. That’s not talent, it’s retarded.

    And for the record, I’ve thought his comedy was lame from day 1.

  13. no hes not hot

    I dont know whats hotter, the gay lazy spikey haircut, that fat double chin, or those down syndromish eyes… you ladies sure have good taste.

  14. Nikk

    63 hit the nail on the head.

    And for the record, for anyone who says that there aren’t white comedians doing race material…I have two words for you: SARAH SILVERMAN.

  15. BarelyStearn

    DANE COOK BLOWS ON A GLOBAL BASIS – IN FACT, DANE COOK BLOWS INTERGALACTICALLY.

    Comedically speaking, I wouldn’t p*ss on this guy if he were on fire. He is simply the single most unfunniest douchebag to ever take a stage.

  16. BarelyStearn

    He’s had his HBO crapathon, his handful of crap movies, now it’s time for him to take his rightful place next to all the other “crapedians” that are standing around in oblivion waiting to host the next crap NBC Game Show…

  17. Setto

    Dane Cook did race material at the Comics Come Home V special with Denis Leary and a few others (a show he stole, btw). It was brief, but it was there. Actually it was also the weakest part of his routine.

  18. PottyMouth

    Tough crowd!!! Pretty sure he’s not fat, and pretty sure Sarah Silverman is a waste of space.

  19. Grunion

    I once downloaded some of his shit to see what the buzz was about and came away thinking ..meh. His delivery gets old fast and his stuff is pretty tame and unoriginal. But what do I know, I grew up listening to Richard Pryor, so it’s gonna be a tough sell.

  20. Grunion

    #62 “If you don’t think DC is funny, you’re just jealous that he’s selling out his shows”

    umm I don’t have ‘shows” so why would I be jealous you fucking moron.

    It’s official, Dane Cook fans are slow.

  21. Iago

    Sarah Silverman is not funny. The funniest thing she’s ever come up with is the “I’m fucking Matt Damon” song, and – like ALL her material- it was only funny because of the shock value. If Matt Damon hadn’t participated, it would’ve been like all her other sketches: lame. Also, from a racial/ethnic stand point, Sarah Silverman is not white (read: WASP). Since Judaism is an ETHNIC religion, it means that she’s ethnically Jewish. Also, female comedians get away with more.

  22. g

    Everyone has their own opinion of what they think is funny. Settle down, people.

  23. toolboy

    Jesse, go on a vacation far away….
    You want comedy? Go watch Dave Attell when he is on his 8th Jager and he is improvising and trying new material….
    Read a little David Sedaris; in particular “Me Talk Pretty One Day”. Maybe you could also visit planet “fuck you up the ass with a sharp stick” if you get the chance.
    Dane is not funny, he is animated, there is a difference.

  24. boston? more like, the world

  25. that guy

    Want another indication there’s no accounting for taste… or that public acclaim doesn’t necessarily equal artistic achievement?

    Mariah Carey now has more #1 singles than Elvis.

    Doesn’t it only seem like a matter of time before Dane Cook is dating her?

  26. Juaqin Ingles

    #13 Higher IQ to understand his “humor”… NOW THAT’S FUNNY.

  27. thatgirl

    at least he doesn’t steal his jokes. i’m looking at you, carlos mencia.

  28. PrettyPinkPonies

    I agree with #78 thatgirl. I mean, he’s original and unfunny. Carlos Mencia is unoriginal AND unfunny. This is a great injustice.

  29. carlosisanimmature12yearoldstuckina30yearoldbody

    OMG Carlos Mencia SUCKS. He’s about as funny as a peanut accidentally being baked in my chocolate chips.

  30. stink

    #15. So was I.

  31. nat

    @ 14 – agreed

  32. washington

    Dane Cook and Jimmy Fallon should team up in a bro-mantical comedy. It would be one of the most apocalyptically bad things ever.

  33. Have you guys ever been in a really bad relationship, or as I like to call them, a relation-SHIT!?

    God I’m funny.

    Hey, anyone have a crappy romantic comedy they need me to star in? Something wtih Jessica Simpson if at all possible. I need a wooden co-star to bounce my terrible delivery of dialogue off of.

  34. Dame Cooked

    Dane Cook is soooo UNFUNNY! He is like the frat president who has to be the center of attention. I have tried watching his “comedy” drunk and sober. He just sucks. He is evidence that our species is devolving. He reminds me of the scene from the movie “Idiocracy”, where the only movie that is shown is called “Ass” and it is just a camera aimed at an ass and moviegoers are laughing hysterically.
    If you like Dane Cook, you are just retarded.

  35. kadolpho

    hey guys, hey

    toucher and rich (and boston) got this one right.
    lets have a national conversation about how terrible dane cook really is.

  36. For those of you who don’t think dane cook is funny, you really have issuses!!

    His jokes are more like a artist painting a picture. Great Comedy!!

    BTW
    http://www.wacknjack.com <~~~ Go Here!! Great Humor

  37. Holy Graffii

    Mitch Hedberg, please come back. You need to replace people like this, and return to your rightful place in comedy.

    RIP

  38. ye be douchery

    You know those friends that think they’re so funny, but they suck? I walk up to them and say, “Dude, why you always telling jokes you’re not funny?”

    They say, “Because I like to make people laugh.”

    Then, I yell, “Let’s Rock!” and kick them in the nuts. Sweeet!

  39. dane cook

    Dane Cook = unfunniest??? Are you kidding. He’s not funny at all.
    Wait…does unfunny mean not funny???

    Dane Cook

    p.s. i eat my own boogers

  40. furisdead.com

    all these comments are from dudes who are jealous because their girlfriends want to bang dane cook more than them. period. he is a rock star!

  41. Solution

    We should get the averages of the IQ’s of those thinking Dane Cook is funny and those thinking he’s not.

    That should settle the kind of jokes he tells.

  42. Janeane The Acerbic Goblin

    It’s been a secret that Dane Cook is definitely overrated, way overrated. He’s funny once in a while, but to me he’s just obnoxious and shouts a lot. I think people laugh at him because they’re afraid he might flip out if they don’t.

    His comedy seems “edgy” because of his energy, but ultimately, he really isn’t saying much. It’s just observational humour, and not particularly funny.

    Employee of the Month was wretched.

  43. bk broiler

    OK OK OK…. we get it everybody, you guys dont like dane cooks comedy…so dont listen. I do enjoy it, because comedy is supposed to be silly, stupid and sometimes downright retarded. I agree there are some of his jokes that are forced and lame…but for the most part he is pretty hilarious. You guys need to get off from your high horses of comedy because your losing oxygen to your brain. You all should go buy the full collection of Frasier since your SOOOOOOOO intelligent!

  44. fuckface

    me like dane cook becawse he am funny face.
    he make me laff alots. he am going to laff people becawse
    him so funy.
    EXTREME!!!!!

  45. clownfart

    Adam Sandler ftw.

  46. sandanista

    I can hear dane cook suck from the tip of africa. glad you guys noticed.

  47. tim

    this article, especialy the little jokes at the end….fucking TERRIBLE

    god, you try and make fun of an unfunny comedian, and you fail at it. seriously, driving a tank through his house? COMEDIC GOLD! and then have a nice little speech about smallville like you were just whisked away on a tangent, bull-ficking-shit you SUCK GIVE UP CUNT

  48. IKE

    #99, Dane Cook really ISN’T funny. Sure, the tank thing is kinda weak, but there’s better material on here than Cook spews forth.
    Just an opinion (I pitch my 2 cents in whenever possible).

  49. Scott

    Dane Cook used to be funny… His first CD is hilarious but after that his stuff got kind of lame.

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