Dane Cook voted ‘The Unfunniest Comic’ in Boston

April 2nd, 2008 // 111 Comments

Dane Cook was crowned “The Unfunniest Comic” yesterday in his hometown of Boston. On a radio contest, he beat out stiff competition which included Jay Leno, Carlos Mencia, Paula Poundstone and Jeff Foxworthy. One could say he put “the kibosh” on them. Eh? I feel so dirty. Page Six reports:

“We were talking about how people laugh out loud at nonsense and Dane is a good example of that,” Toucher told Page Six. “We’d listen to him and at the end of four minutes he’d change subjects, and that was it. We couldn’t figure out when the joke was.
“And he’s actually hated. People don’t hate others they way they do him. At least Foxworthy panders to rednecks. Dane’s stories are so weak you wouldn’t want to hear them over lunch.”

That bastard. Talking about nonsense during a comedy routine. I’ll kill him! Right in the face with my laser blasting cock of doom after I drive a tank through his house. And the tank will be manned by every single chick from Smallville in a bikini (Except Chloe.) This’ll teach Dane Cook to be more serious with his comedy. Serious as a heart attack – with AIDS.

EDIT: I’ve just been informed that Chloe is hot now. I, seriously, haven’t watched the show in years. Let it not be said I’m not a reasonable man. She can come. But I hope she understands I run a tight ship/tank. Pillow fights mandatory and we break for strip clubs. Semper Fi!

Photos: Getty Images
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  1. luna

    who is this dude ?

  2. toolboy

    Dane Cook isn’t funny?? Someone else noticed? Is my world suddenly righting itself?? I am dizzy…

  3. Jenny

    SECOND!

  4. stink

    #1.The unfunniest comic in Boston , Jebus can’t you read.

    Here honey;

    http://hooked-on-phonics.com/

  5. me encanta en orquesta la tocamos es precioso

    i wanna bang his ass all night

  6. DCCEMA

    Chloe was always my favorite…. Chloe=Betty, Lana=Veronica. Tell me, who didn’t like Betty a bit better? Alliteration, score!

  7. JM

    Wow. A large group of people exercising common sense – together. Christ – Gallagher had more comedic talent in his smash-o-matic sledge.

  8. uiopeuoiweru

    i love toucher. atlanta lost a great DJ when they lost him. (rich shirtenlieb too)

  9. Matthew

    If you listen to his material it basically amounts to a singles ad. His entire act is a ploy to get millions of women to want to screw him.

  10. deacon jones

    He does truly suck at comedy

  11. Janet

    #10, that’s hilarious.

    Bahh, I thought I was the only one in the world who thought he wasn’t funny. So glad to see others agree with me.

  12. smadgie

    Not funny!!?? Anyone that can make me chuckle about ‘punching infants’ is funny. Maybe you losers need a higher IQ to actually understand his humor.

  13. Why only Boston? He should be the unfunniest comic in the entire US..

  14. luna

    #4 i was being a smart ass, but you failed to see that

  15. Superevil

    13

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    -deep breath-
    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    Laughing at a “joke” about punching infants requires a high IQ? Any retard can understand stupid frat boy humor and still not think it’s funny.

  16. gizmo

    who is this? looks like a complete dooooooooooche.

  17. Guy

    No, but hes probably the hottest male comedian (of this time anyway)

  18. laser blasting cock of doom

    I love how the laser wang thing is evolving.

  19. Ela

    I don’t think they got it right.. His BJ joke is actually quite funny.

    You don’t know the BJ joke?
    Now that’s sad.

  20. brian

    DOUG STANHOPE IS THE BEST COMIC SINCE GEORGE CARLIN!!! DANE COOK IS ABOUT AS FUNNY AS A RASH YOU CANT GET RID OF.

  21. Auntie Kryst

    @13 I wish I had a higher IQ so I could laugh at your stupid comment on even more levels than the three or so I discovered.

    Anyway on that Boston radio station’s comedy bracket, I would have picked George Wallace.. He’s an admired old school, edgy, “relevant” comic, and not in the least bit funny.

  22. Randal

    Well, far be it from me to compliment a man, but he looks about as fine as a new button! plus he looks well hung like a certain italian stallion!

  23. cod

    smadgie, you’re a moron! It’s comedians like Dane Cook who contribute to the dumbing down of this country. He only appeals to idiots like yourself by making you feel like you’re finally able to understand a joke that doesn’t require the slightest bit of intelligence or general knowledge to figure out. I think you should just get back to jerking off to those Janice Dickinson pictures.

  24. havoc

    He’s actually a pretty good example of what passes for talent these days…..

    .

  25. Auntie Kryst

    I’d muder him with my trusty autie’s handbag

  26. Conor S

    Yeah I don’t know why Comedy Central even gives this guy the time of day for specials, I’ve tried to watch his specials and they’re really hard to sit through and I’m only talking about the first 10 minutes!

  27. Conor S

    Yeah I know why Comedy Central even gives this guy the time of day for specials, I’ve tried to watch his specials and they’re really easy to sit through and I’m only talking about the first 10 minutes! theyre hilarious!

  28. Conor S

    WTF

  29. some guy

    I understand where everyone’s coming from and I agree that he’s pretty bad, but there’s no way he’s worse than carlos mencia. It’s become so popular to loathe dane cook that people are forgetting that there’s more than one terrible comedian out there.

  30. Adam Sandler

    Trees are made of wood. Is this fucker trying to replace me by stating, then explaining what’s painfully obvious? 2+2=4. Dane Cook, you’re going down like a Hollywood whore.

  31. nipolian

    The people in Boston finally got something right……..Dane Cook is a complete Douchebag. If you want real humor, go rent yourself some Mr. Magoo episodes.

  32. France

    Jerry Lewis est un génie comique no?

  33. hope

    first of all dane cook is fucking hilarious

    but on a lighter note, chloe from smallville and elliot from scrubs looks scarily alike. check it out:
    http://imdb.com/media/rm2182844672/nm0532928
    http://imdb.com/media/rm4158560512/nm0149950

  34. Harry Ballzack

    #23. Randal – You need to get laid buddy

    You people who think his comedy is “stupid” … well DUHH !! … What do you think comedy is ? I fail to see how comedy sould be “intellegent” for christs sake. Get off the fucking research papers and away from your computer once in awhile. … Intellegent comedy – Chh … what an oxymoron. Comedy is stupidity at it’s finest. It all depends on what a person deems as funny – personally – I’ve never heard of the dude…how freaking famous or obnoxious can he be? I’ve never lived in a cave, nor spent an abnormal amount of time at sea on a raft … so I know I’m no recluse nor hermit

    Gawd …. my ballzitch now ….. I gotta go

  35. Nikk

    Dane Cook is truly the unfunniest comic in the history of humanity. At least Carlos Mencia USED to be funny and Jay Leno tries….but Dane Cook….no….lame ass frat boy shit.

    And I swear, if I hear one more slanderous word against Allison Mack (Chloe), I will burn down Superfish HQ. Clearly Fish here doesn’t know how stacked and awesome Allison is.

  36. combustion8

    thank god people are starting to notice this, I thought I was taking goofy pills.

  37. hari

    “We’d listen to him and at the end of four minutes he’d change subjects, and that was it. We couldn’t figure out when the joke was.”

    reminds me of this blog I visit… rhymes with “the superpicial.”

  38. BlackBanana

    I can’t believe I used to be friends with this douche on MySpace.

  39. Vince Lombardi

    Auntie,

    I agree with you on George Wallace. He used to be hilarious, but then when Arthur Bremer shot him and he got paralyzed and left in a wheelchair, his bitter “I used to be a redneck governor but now I just pee in a bag” shtick wasn’t very funny. After all, it’s called *stand up* comedy.

    He hasn’t played many gigs since he died, altho I read somewhere that he was going to open for the Winger reunion tour this summer.

  40. jesse

    Alright.. I guess I’ll mark Dane Cook down in the list of people that people hate because all the cool kids do it.

    Dane Cook is full of funny shit. I’m not too fond of his acting, or the movies he’s been in other than Waiting. But jesus, has anyone that “hates” him even given his first two CDs a listen? My fucking face hurts by the time I’m done.

    A really ironic thing is.. he’s just like every other comedian or otherwise funny person out there. He has the same formats, just with a different delivery and subject matter. Some of it/Most of it is childish, but shit.. that’s what makes him great. Everyone wants to be reminded of the hilariously cliche shit that happened in our childhoods.

    Since when is shitting on the coats at a party and blending back in not funny?

  41. combustion8

    “Since when is shitting on the coats at a party and blending back in not funny?”

    since forever.

  42. Todd Jaspers

    His funniest stand up ever.. Its actually pretty funny. Judge for yourself.

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=8QVvgMro3D0

  43. Jumpin_J

    OMG. So not funny. How he sells out arenas is a complete mystery unless they wheel in people from the old folks home. “Look Henry, he said poop. Those kids are so witty”. Will Rodgers would be impressed. Not.

  44. combustion8

    damn you todd jaspers

  45. Todd Jaspers

    combustion8 stole my joke!!! Is that really Dane Cook??

  46. jesse

    I remember when comedy wasn’t something to be picked apart and made into a huge fucking deal.

    I really sucks that there are more people out there that have to bash a comedian because he makes too many people laugh. People don’t think he deserves the attention he’s gotten and people only laugh at him because other people laugh at him. Either that or they think they’re too intelligent and mature to get his jokes. Right?

    If you’re going to be a fucking snob and sit there with your arms crossed and pout while other people around you enjoy a genuinely funny comedian, then so be it. Dane Cook will still be selling out shows across the country. Just like he did at MADISON SQUARE GARDEN WHICH ONLY 3 OTHER PEOPLE HAVE EVER DONE.

    Also, he’s one of very few comedians that don’t include race in his routine. When was the last time you saw that shit?

    I’m just sayin…

  47. that guy

    Hey Jesse (#41) – yes, Dane’s got a litlle funny shit – most of it is brian regan’s – who does it a whole lot better.

    But i have to disagree with you on the acting thing – he was actually very good in ‘Dan in Real Life’ – a not too funny but still enjoyable movie – it’s where his career is going anyway. In the same way that we can thankfully forget the crap Greg Kinnear did before he started getting acting roles, maybe we’ll soon be able to forget the unfunny, self-indulgent, pointless, humorless ‘stand-up’ performances of dane cook, and live with him as a decent actor. That may have been the problem all along – he had an actor’s dilemna – he was ‘playing’ a comedian – he just didn’t have good material.

  48. that guy

    and the fact that he sold out an arena is not an indication of talent – thre’s no accounting for people’s taste, a good marketing plan (which Dane Cook was BRILLIANT at), and people wanting to jump on a bandwagon.

    The Wiggles sell out too.

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