Crystal Harris Had Sex With Hugh Hefner Once, It Lasted Two Seconds

Despite the fact it’s clear Crystal Harris was a prostitute hired to leave Hugh Hefner for a reality show special, she was a guest on Stern yesterday where she complained about sex with Hugh even though it sounds as tender and beautiful as it is with me. Via People:

Harris, 24, said Tuesday on Sirius XM Radio’s Howard Stern Show that sex with the 85-year-old Playboy founder lasted “like two seconds.”
“Then I was just over it,” she says. “I was like, ‘Ahhh.’ I was over it. I just like, walked away. I’m not turned on by Hef, sorry.”
She adds that they had sex just once.
“He doesn’t really take off his clothes,” Harris says. “I’ve never seen Hef naked.”

Showing remarkable awareness of his surroundings, Hugh has since fired back using some sort of new-fangled telegraph device, most likely built by those stinkin’ Japs:

“Crystal lied about our relationship on Howard Stern but I don’t know why,” Hef Tweeted Tuesday night, although he has since removed the message from his account. “Maybe a new boyfriend?”
Hefner continued to call out Harris, 25, for what he pegged as dishonesty. “Crystal convinced me that she adored me,” he replied to another follower. “That was the first lie.”
… “When I said, ‘I missed a bullet’ when Crystal left, I didn’t mean I didn’t love her,” Hef explained. “I meant that I realized she didn’t love me.”

I love how every time one of these chicks flees the mansion, they feel the need to describe what it’s like to have sex with an octogenarian like they survived the Holocaust. And now we know Hugh’s a never-nude which is the most gentlemanly thing an elderly poonhoud can do for a woman, so of course, they’re going to make it sound like goddamn prison. “You don’t understand. My only constantly available choices were perform oral sex on his dusty, old penis or get a job and pay for goods and services with my own money. It was like being shackled to the floor!”

Photo: Splash News, WENN