Crystal Harris Posed For July Cover of Playboy as ‘Mrs. Hefner.’ Whoops.

June 15th, 2011 // 59 Comments

With five days to go until their wedding, it makes perfect sense that Playboy already had a photo of Crystal Harris as “Mrs. Crystal Hefner” in the can which you’re now looking at thanks to all the leaking going around these days. Alas, as love is wont to do, a young woman’s fancy turned to trying to make half a million dollars for literally leaving her groom’s old balls standing at the altar. Page Six reports:

A source told us, “Crystal wanted to ditch Hef at the altar. Her plan was to walk up the aisle and say she couldn’t go through with it. The wedding was to be filmed for a reality special, and her refusal to marry him would be a sensation. She was looking for a tie-in deal of around $500,000 for the exclusive ‘I ditched Hef at the altar’ interview. While there was interest, Crystal didn’t get an offer anywhere near half a million.”

Of course she couldn’t get half a million dollars. Who wants to pay for something exactly everyone saw coming a mile away? “Oh, look, a blonde gold-digging whore sold out Hugh Hefner for her own reality show. What a strange and unprecedented turn of events. How will he ever recover? *watches Hugh ride Segway to Whore Dealership* There’s a good lad.”

Photo: Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN


  1. Drew

    How does a 25 year old Playboy model look like she’s 37? I just don’t get it.

  2. Jake

    Hef losing a smoking hot chick is like me losing .75 in the vending machine. It will bother him for about 30 seconds, and then he’ll select another treat.

  3. AleisterCrowley

    Are we really supposed to believe Crystal was the only “girlfriend” Hef had while they were engaged? Honky please!

  4. how odd is that if the 7/11 edition never makes it to the 7-11. which reminds me my bday’s coming up..

  5. “America’s Princess”. Welcome to America.

  6. Is it a coincidence that “Ms Hefner’s” first “music” single was released the same day she “broke up” with Hef? And as long as we’re using quote disparagingly: “innocent”, “natural”, “beautiful”, and “breasts”

  7. Crysta Harris Playboy Cover Leaked
    Commented on this photo:

    He must be demonstrating Crystal’s ‘receiving face’.

  8. HGTV

    Jesus…look at the paneling.

    • cc

      Playboy must really be economizing, using a rec room that hasn’t been redone since 74. Other pics include her lounging in a beanbag chair and sprawled across the hood of a gold-colored Chrysler Cordoba.

  9. guy rossi

    That dog seems really out of place.

    Why the FUCK am I looking at the dog?

  10. is that a grey pube i see in her teeth?

  11. Crysta Harris Playboy Cover Leaked
    The Cheese Stands Alone
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m assuming for the spread the air brushed out her lazy eye.

  12. I wonder if Hef looks as good in her clothes as she does in his. Or should I say out of her clothes? Show us what you got, grampa! Shriveled is the new shaven.

  13. V

    What a stupid bitch. Like giving him the humiliation of his life wasn’t going to kill him or anything. Seriously, famewhores will stop at nothing as long as they have their 15 minutes of “fame”. This is what happens when reality shows become legit ways to earn notoriety and fortune.

  14. anonym

    no fucking way she’s 25.

    she looks even older than Jennifer Aniston.

    and the distance between her nose and lips is too long. ugly.

    Take a look at Crystal before she got the implants. just google it, and turn safe search off.
    anyone can look like a fake blonde barbie

  15. Crysta Harris Playboy Cover Leaked
    Commented on this photo:

    You’d think with all the money this old bastard has he could get his teeth whitened. Gross.

  16. Bow Chica Wow Wow

    If she had stood him up at the altar and hef wasn’t a part of it he’d be well within his rights to have her killed, it’s something I’d do. I really don’t understand this hunger for ‘fame’ and ‘money’. I’m not at all famous nor would I want to be but I’m really struggling to understand this. Playboy has really gone downhill too.

    • So you’re truly clueless as to why people want fame and money so they can have all the perks in life – withourt working – just for being who they are, but you’d have no trouble having someone – who you know doesn’t love you – that backs out of marrying you killled because it’s your “right”?

      I hope to Christ anyone who has the misfortune to be dating you recognizes your posting name and wises the hell up.

  17. WhiskeyDust

    She sure looks a lot like Shannon Tweed to me….. Maybe Gene can pick that shit up……..

  18. J

    She is supposed to have cheated on Hef with Dr Phil’s son. If that is true then hef deserves it, he is allowed to bone 15 chicks at once and not be faithful
    it looks like he got a taste of his own medicine. What does he expect when
    these women only want him for his money and fame? he’s a player and now he got played.

  19. rough sexy

    I don’t care if Hef spent millions throughout the relationship, if he gets a nice juicy tongue from her its all worth it.

    Don’t tell me there s no tongues involved, this aint the bunny ranch…

  20. Crysta Harris Playboy Cover Leaked
    Commented on this photo:


  21. the captain

    pst “Heff” will be back………….

  22. Crysta Harris Playboy Cover Leaked
    Normal Male
    Commented on this photo:

    Her lawyers must have finally told her she was third in line for what little of Hef’s fortune is left, behind his two sons and his old daughter. Don’t worry, Holly will be on the next plane to the mansion to suck his dick and call him Daddy again.

  23. Elf

    Hey! I wanted a pussy! Not a dog!

  24. Rancid

    Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been many years since my last confession.

    God, Jesus help me. She looks hot on this cover. I know there are more special effects than Lucas going on, but I feel attraction towards this broad, especially her legs and feet. Her abs look tasty. I can’t lie. I can’t pretend to be repulsed. God forgive me. *breaks down sobbing*

  25. cc

    Was there a time when playmates weren’t white trash?

  26. Crysta Harris Playboy Cover Leaked
    Commented on this photo:

    PETA is gonna be pissed about this!

  27. Crysta Harris Playboy Cover Leaked
    Commented on this photo:

    he just saw a bowl of his favorite soup

  28. Crysta Harris Playboy Cover Leaked
    Commented on this photo:

    thanks grandpa for taking me to prom!

  29. Jerry

    It’s just a big fat publicity stunt

  30. Jillia

    That was really nice of them to Photoshop some abs on her. How sweet.

  31. BE

    Side bar article: There’s no fool like an old fool…

    Except for, of course, the two year olds who’ve posted here.

    Really – get a brain transplant.

    Sixty year age difference – duh!

    Hef doesn’t want them dating anyone because he obviously pales by comparison to ANY male UNDER the age of 40. Possibly 60.

    And yep, Hef can still get a bunch of whores (whoops, playmates) to sleep with him. But that’s true of any of you – who all have the option of finding a hooker on a street corner. And of course, his greedy little staff and those greedy little playmates will prop his dead body up “a la weekend at Bernie’s” if they think there’s a nickel there that they can get there hands on.

    Hello – the world has changed. Women are now free to denigrate themselves on the interne with zero need to kowtow to this anachronism fo the 60′s and 70′s. Hence, Playboy circling the toilet as we speak. The internet has taken the keys to Hef’s little publishing empire, now hasn’t it.

    The real point here is that all of peter pan’s horses and all of peter pan’s men CAN’T get Hef EVERYTHING he wants EXACTLY when and how he wants it. Seems like a good guy? Where? In a harem? Or a bordello? That’s like saying a gentleman is someone who pulls out a condom without being asked.

    Take note boys…money can’t buy love. Only sex. And certainly, Hef is having a hard time finding someone willing wipe the drool off his chin unless there’s money involved. Hello – he’s EIGHTY-FIVE. Sleeping with him isn’t a dream – it’s a nightmare now matter how many hundred dollar bills you roll around in. Some one has to help him pull down his Depends, don’t they? In a word, Yech!

    The saddest part of the articles so far is that Hef is “stumped.” What a nice way to cover dementia. What a bizarre and twisted little man he’s turned into over the last 60 years.

    So y’all just keep skirting your way around the obvious, just like Hef…

  32. Poison Ivy League

    He should TOTALLY get back at her by publishing some fully-clothed pictures of her.


    And you say this like every girl on the cover wasn’t “Mrs. Hefner” at some point. Whoops.

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