Game of Bimbos: A Clash of Gold-Diggers

June 20th, 2011 // 80 Comments

Crystal Harris was supposed to marry Hugh Hefner on Saturday, yet broke off the wedding earlier in the week to make a quick buck, so of course, she immediately used her new “celebrity” status as Hugh’s runaway bride to help Heidi Montag host a pool party on the day she cost her wedding guests thousands of dollars by bailing at the last minute. This apparently set off Holly Madison who went on Twitter and called the event “a new low.”

- @Robin_Leach that’s disgusting and whoever booked her is tacky!
- @Norm_Clarke trust me, NO ONE is interested in filming Crystal! She left Lifetime high and dry while filming a 2 hour special!
- No, they show HEF’s real friends . . . RT @CrystalHarris: Hard times show your real friends…

Keep in mind that Holly’s job used to be getting Hugh “ready” so he could he bang his Girls Next Door for five minutes each thus satisfying their debt for room and board, so I think she knows low and tacky when she sees it. (See also: Criss Angel, Holly had intercourse with.) That said, hopefully she’s not angling to get back with Hugh because he already started old man noodling Miss January 2011 Anna Sophia Berglund, according to TMZ:

According to our sources, Anna has now moved into Hef’s room and the two have taken to calling each other “babe” around other people. We’re told during a recent movie night at the Playboy Mansion, the two were cuddling and kissing during the entire movie.
One source put it bluntly — “It’s clear Hef has moved on to Anna.”

Of course, until Anna starts changing diapers this could just be a simple case of sexual slavery, so nobody jump to any conclusions until we see the freight cart she lived in for four months with 20 other women. It’s our best case scenario at this point.

Photo: Getty, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Dan

    I think having a mansion full of hot, loose, twenty-something women would really help you get over any relationship.

    • It had to be said

      “Loose” must be an old euphemism for “whore.”

      • BE

        I don’t understand your comment. You, too, can get laid twice a week if you’re willing to shell out $1000 a minute to have a blonde whore climb on top!

        The word I don’t get in your post is RELATIONSHIP. Is that what that was?

  2. Chupacabra

    Man, I don’t know where to begin with how unimportant these bimbos really are… I mean, like unimportant like whether you wipe your ass three or four times after a dry shit.

  3. Hahahaha Holly Madison pointing the finger at Crystal Harris for being Tacky. That’s like Snooki calling any of the 16 and Preggo Mom’s a bad influence on Teenage girls! That’s like Sarah Palin calling ANYONE dumb! That’s like Mel Gibson calling Rush Limbaugh Racist. That’s like Miss Piggy calling Bristol Palin fat! That’s like Selena Gomez calling Justin Beiber, Girlfriend! that’s like … ohhhh you get the picture …

    • uh...

      Yeah, we get it. You’re a tool of the media, and appear to have the writing skills of a third grader.

      • vitobonespur

        I was going to post something humorous and pithy in Calamari’s defense but then I realized with a screenname that’s not a real name at all, but a sound one makes when one is stumped or taking a shit, my point would most certainly go right over your head. So…NEVERMIND!

  4. i want Heidi’s bleached asshole wrapped around my tongue…

  5. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh nice…but when I try to quietly read a copy of “Barely Legal Beaver” on the bus, I’m the bad guy??

  6. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    At least the put down a towel so they don’t etch the cement.

  7. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Siloporcen7
    Commented on this photo:

    Dude what’s with the toes on her right foot?

  8. hef is a loser

    pretty easily shows he always needs a #1 chick to pamper him and that she is interchangeable and meaningless to him. what a sociopath. awful to women.

    • The Lord Almighty

      Psh he’s the bad guy huh…. they have no blame for being souless, gold digging whores eh?

      • Colin

        Just because they’re whores doesn’t mean he’s not a manwhore. It’s just funny how people are talking about how his heart is broken, and he’s already making out with more women a fraction of his age.

      • BE

        So, Hef (the pimp) is the wounded good guy once the souless, gold digging whores no longer a pimp? That’s your high ground? Try to climb out of that sewer why don’t you. Hef’s business is of grinding desperate and/or drug addicted women into hundreds of millions of dollars.

        By simply moving the casting couch from the movie industry into the magazine industry. What an innovator! Wrap it in constitutional paper to defend being a pimp and not much else.

        And now Hef has to pay a thousand bucks a minute for sex and they STILL rotate in and out like a turbine engine. Whew! How he suffers. Thank you for clearing that up for us…

    • vitobonespur

      What skin is it off your ass? It’s his life and it seems to have been workiing pretty damn well for the old duffer for the better part of 85 years. Or at least since 1953. You think these poor, misguided beauties are going in blind? I would bet if one were to ask the whole group of them how their lives have been, 95%+ would say they wouldn’t change a thing.

      • BE

        Well vitobonespur – might I suggest you pay a woman $1000 A MINUTE to climb on top of you. Working for him? That’s ironic.

        Obviously, you’ve missed Hef’s 59 year old daughter Christie running the entire business until 2009. A year into Hef “reality” TV spin where we all could see him for the desperate, aging freak that he is, she retired. As gracefully as possible, but it’s not hard to read between the lines of her press release.

        Let’s face it. Hef’s tombstone should read: Once a pimp, always a pimp. As usual, Hef’s made far more off of them.

        And do continue to fuel your insane delusion that any 25 year old women would ever WANT an 85 year old boyfriend.

        Hef makes them take qualudes so they can actually bear doing him twice a week.

        And let’s not forget tht Kendra admits to coke addiction before Hef “redeemed” her. Do ya think any of these girls had great backgrounds before they met up with him? I’ll grant you Hef’s world is better than being a coke whore but we’re really only talking degrees of the same disease, huh?

        Hey! – I think you get an 85 year old girlfriend THEN comment….

  9. It had to be said

    Boy, the old man certainly seems to have a type. Of course, when you get to his age, it’s probably easier to see the bright blond hair in a darkened room . . .

  10. There couldn’t be a more apt title for this.

  11. The Truthteller

    None of this is important. Stop.

  12. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The Heidi Doll’s face skeeves me out.

  13. Doc Schweinstrudel

    How many times should this be explained. Gold diggers dig for gold. These girls just dig graves and collect antiquities

  14. She looks like she is ready for A Storm of Meat Swords…

  15. The Lord Almighty

    Heidi and Crystal look pretty good for cougars in their late 30′s.

  16. Deacon Jones

    These two are such attention whores, if a group of men formed a circle around them and started to simultaneously piss on them, they’d love it.

    Anyone ever been to Wet Republic? I heard the tail there is insane and the fucking cover is $100 bucks.

    • I’ve been 4 times and the last time sucked balls. It was dead and the girls were pretty busted tbh. But when it’s good, it realllly good:) The cover is $40 for guys but changes depending on the event, but you get in free if you’re w hot girls.

  17. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    sam
    Commented on this photo:

    Two vapid bimbos. Boring, boring, boring.

  18. Peter Shithead

    Please stop making these terrible game of thrones references you shit eater

  19. uh...

    “Keep in mind that Holly’s job used to be getting Hugh “ready” so he could he bang his girl’s next door for five minutes each”

    Firstly, the plural of “girl” is “girls,” not “girl’s.”
    Secondly, he merely jerks his aged chicken to them, according to those who have [not] come before her.

    • BE

      Not True. According to all the accounts (book excerpts posted on the internet) – Hef makes them climb on top of him for two minutes while he just lays there like a dead fish. This occurs at sex parties that are held twice a week.

      When you consider Hef “gives” these gals $1000 to $2000 in “weekly pocket money” that comes to $500 to $1000 A MINUTE for pretending they like him and/or having sex with him. While he watches GAY porn (explains a lot there doesn’t it?) Note that this does not include the free room and board, plastic surgery and other “treats” they get. It could possibly be the deepest and most expensive closet the world has ever seen!

      Frankly, I don’t get why guys envy this dirty old man with homosexual leanings. I mean, really, having to throw 1.2 million yearly to throw at a rotating bunch of whores and strippers could laid at twice a week. Gee, I’m so impressed that Hef’s got the business paying for it. But I believe that’s how Hef gets it by as legal instead of being busted as one of the world’s most notorious pimps. I think the celebrities Hef gets to come to his parties get the best deal as they get freebies, but then again, I don’t think Leonardo DiCaprio and the like have as much trouble getting a date as Hef does. I won’t waste characters on the Charlie Sheen observations, it’s just too obvious. HMMM.

  20. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Lil Hef
    Commented on this photo:

    She is not at all as hot as SHE thinks she is! She looks 45 and manly.

  21. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Lil Hef
    Commented on this photo:

    She nasty!

  22. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Lil Hef
    Commented on this photo:

    awwww, look at the boys!!!

  23. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    JP
    Commented on this photo:

    Do they have the same creator? Mattel?

  24. MILF

    @DeaconJones- We were there this weekend and saw the Boobie Twins firsthand. We paid about $65 for us as a couple, so yeah, it’s kind of pricey for a pool, but the place goes off and is really fun. Did I mention boobies?
    Anyway, Heidi was kept in a tiny bubble of paparazzi, as was her “friend” Crystal. They probably showed up for 30 minutes tops to take pics. The DJ announced them, but after everyone realized they wouldn’t get that opportunity to ask the ladies their perspective on Gaddafi’s regime, one gave two shits about those fake-titted, bleached bimbos who do absolutely nothing and get lots of attention.

    • TomFrank

      Isn’t that par for the course at these things? The “celebrity” (note the quotes) shows up at event she’s hosting, is kept away from the rabble by a cocoon of security and media, and leaves after a half-hour. And everyone who showed up because the “celebrity” would be there feels a little bit cheated, and vows never to do it again…until the next time. Right?

  25. MILF

    @DeaconJones- We were there this weekend and saw the Boobie Twins firsthand. We paid about $65 for us as a couple, so yeah, it’s kind of pricey for a pool, but the place goes off and is really fun. Did I mention boobies?
    Anyway, Heidi was kept in a tiny bubble of paparazzi, as was her “friend” Crystal. They probably showed up for 30 minutes tops to take pics. The DJ announced them, but after everyone realized they wouldn’t get that opportunity to ask the ladies their perspective on Gaddafi’s regime, one gave two shits about those fake-titted, bleached bimbos who do absolutely nothing and somehow get paid for it.

  26. MILF

    *no one*….I’m still hung over…arrrggghhh

    • Deacon Jones

      So do they do absolutely nothing and “somehow get paid for it” or “get lots of attention”? ;-)

      • MILF

        Does standing around sticking your plastic boobs out & tossing your fried hair count? They are ridiculous, but I’m sure most of the guests at the pool aren’t interested in seeing Christiane Amanpour and Terri Gross, LOL.

  27. cc

    Suddenly, they looked at each other and realized they’d discover a new means of propulsion that will get us to Mars in mere days!

  28. Stuart Le Chiffere

    Slunt !

  29. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Sejanus
    Commented on this photo:

    One can tell that she’ll end her days fellating a senile Charlie Sheen.

  30. The Lord Almighty

    Busted face is busted.

  31. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    When shamelessness is also boring, you’re not doing it right.

  32. Crotch

    I’m amazed no one has mentioned her off-center,angled camel toe , or her invisible heels.

  33. AleisterCrowley

    Her and Heidi are wastes of space and plastic.

  34. cc

    If you get seperate out the components parts of these two and recombine them, on the one hand you’d have a real human being and on the other you’d have a cheap sofa.

  35. major

    haha crystal only has one friend left. dr phil. miss that $200/week yet?

  36. anonym

    so much plastic, and still she has manface.

  37. the captain

    but California is the place where the LUNATICS sleep………….

  38. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    JCKW
    Commented on this photo:

    HAHAHA, I’m reading!

  39. Dr Ha-Ha

    Hef is already onto his next whore, seems he’s really broken up about it.

  40. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Nik
    Commented on this photo:

    I still cant believe this chick is only 23. Her face looks atleast 38!

  41. Maximilian

    When the enviroment is trashy,what else can you expect but trashy girls..Las Vegas is hideous little city…

  42. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Kinda feel sorry for the orange-stained, oblivious-bimbos…so desperate for attention. Little do they know, most-likely their onlookers are laughing at them.

  43. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Taylor
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t really understand this whole big thing around them. They look much older, have no talent and don’t look hot at all. I mean there are so many women more beautiful than these Playboy’s slut.

  44. I Mean What

    Anna Sophia Berglund is Hugh Hefner’s newest piece. Can we all brech together? (Brech = vomit in Yiddish). More breaking newzzz @ http://ow.ly/5mUpS

    • BE

      Former playmates writes that Hef’s intentionally choosing less beautiful “playmates” so he won’t have to break in as many. Seems they run in as fast as they run out.

  45. Lulu

    Holly Madison is mad coz she spent 8 years with the old gizzer and he never put a ring on it. Crystal on the other had dated him a week and Hef proposed.

  46. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    L.
    Commented on this photo:

    Heidi looks like a horse.

  47. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    Kitty
    Commented on this photo:

    I still can’t get over how old she is. She’s only just 25 isn’t it? And she looks like she’s 5 years older than that!!!

  48. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    TB65
    Commented on this photo:

    Crystal Harris is so beautiful. She is an absolute GODDESS. She has a perfect body and the face of an angel. I really hope she gets her own tv show because she is A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!!

  49. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    skunk
    Commented on this photo:

    love marraige

  50. Crystal Harris Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini
    astutecugel
    Commented on this photo:

    I love U gran’pa

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