Cruise continues his drive towards Crazytown

By: Superficial / December 14, 2005

mmmm, alien babiesTom Cruise will appear at at a fundraiser tonight for a controversial Scientology program that claims to heal firefighters and rescue workers who breathed toxic smoke on 9/11.

Doctors, however, say Cruise’s “purification rundown” is nothing but worthless quackery consisting of sauna sweating, ingestion of cooking oil and large doses of niacin. The program could actually be harmful, because Cruise and company advise everyone to stop taking their prescription medications or using inhalers, just as he criticized Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants to relieve her postpartum depression.

When the words ‘Tom Cruise’, ‘sauna sweating’ and ‘cooking oil’ come together in a story, I also fully expect to see some combination of the words ‘publicist rigorously denies’ and ‘drunken ass-pirates’. My mistake (this time). But it now seems only a matter of time before Tom Cruise’s quasi-medicine indirectly kills someone. Hopefully that someone will be Tom Cruise.