Cristiano Ronaldo tries tanning the herp away

- Victoria Beckham had her breast implants removed making this the last time I type her name again. [I’m Not Obsessed]

- Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith have sex in their friends’ bathrooms during dinner parties. What is this weird feeling I’m experiencing toward Will Smith? It’s almost like.. respect? That can’t be right. [The Blemish]

- Adrian Grenier is dating Twilight’s Ashley Greene which brings her star status to its all-time high of 1/1,000,000,000th of Robert Pattinson’s. [PopSugar]

- Gwyneth Paltrow reaches new levels of insipidness by referring to Billy Joel as “William.” Excuse me while I drive a bus into my own face. [Celebslam]

- Sacha Baron Cohen poses naked for cover of GQ. Surprisingly absent: Eminem’s teabag-ready chin. [Just Jared]

- Russell Crowe on the set of Ridley Scott’s Untitled Robin Hood Project. I think people still care about Russell Crowe, but don’t quote me on that. Unless it’s for the DVD jacket then by all means. [Lainey Gossip]