Criss Angel’s $100 million Vegas show still blows

November 3rd, 2008 // 31 Comments

After die-hard Criss Angel fans walked out of a special preview of his Cirque Du Soleil show, you figured Mandouche the Magician would’ve made some changes for this past weekend’s grand opening. Nope. The LA Times reports:

If Criss Angel were blindfolded, straitjacketed, run over by a steamroller, locked in a steel box and dumped from a helicopter into the Pacific Ocean, he still might be easier to salvage from disaster than “Criss Angel: Believe,” the gloomy, gothic muddle of a show that officially lurched into being on Halloween night like some patched-together Frankenstein’s monster.

Apparently, the show is expected to run until 2028 (Jesus), but from the sounds of it, it’ll probably be pulled, I dunno, today:

None of this would matter as much if Angel had a compelling live-stage presence. But “Believe” exposes him as a natural-born showman, which isn’t the same as a natural-born entertainer. He lacks comic timing and ad-libbing ability, falling flat with some very lame erectile dysfunction jokes. His personality simply disappears for long stretches of the show.
Some of his biggest applause of the night came for executing the simplest of tricks, like producing a bird out of hand. That’s a decent evening’s work for a backyard bar mitzvah or quinceanera magician, but it doesn’t quite justify a $100 ticket.

Wait. Lame erectile dysfunction jokes aren’t a crowd pleaser? Sonofa… There goes my Cirque Du Soleil musical: Boner Rouge: A Tale of Romance, Intrigue and a Guy Making Balloon Animals Shaped like Star Wars Characters. It would’ve touched your heart. *sigh*

Thanks to SaraDevil who wants Criss Angel to reproduce so her Hot Topic stocks hit the roof.

Photos: WENN
superficial

  1. mccain

    FIRST!

    MCCAIN PALIN 08!

  2. Ed

    Criss Angel has been over for awhile, david copperfield has been waiting for this moment quietly in his sex dungeon to make his mighty return to make angels career disappear.

  3. Ed

    Criss Angel has been over for awhile, david copperfield has been waiting for this moment quietly in his sex dungeon to make his mighty return to make angels career disappear.

  4. David Blaine

    This guy is a phony.

  5. Holly…. Oh, Holly…. your boyfriend is a LOSER. Don’t waste that pretty on him. Get out while you can. Yep, that’s right, make him disappear. POOF.

  6. guyth

    She is so beautiful and charming. She is my favorite. Just saw her on the fitness & celebrity dating club ^^^^^^FitnessKiss. C O M^^ ^^^^last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that

    site.

  7. supersex

    criss angel blows just as much as the bitch standing next to him

  8. Hey John, Charles here….

    What about those promises of putting me in your cabinet?

    I know you wanted me to keep quiet in this election, but…. You owe me!

  9. David Blaine

    She’s not that hot. I banged Fionna Apple.

  10. jenny walsh

    she is very pretty, but she’s had so much plastic surgery done. and her breasts are too big. It’s just not proportional.

  11. Oh, yeah, Fionna is so much hotter than Holly. LOL

    OMG Jenny, here breasts are PERFECT!

  12. Ed

    Holly sucked the life outa Hef, ya see him before they got together? He was THE man,now he’s probably gotta get around in one of those scooters with the shopping basket on the front, where of course he keeps his balls, cause theyre saggy and old, ya see.

  13. Oh, yeah, Fionna is so much hotter than Holly. LOL

    OMG Jenny, her breasts are PERFECT!

  14. Max Planck

    Maybe he should try making himself disappear.

  15. sfgsnb

    Holly made Criss Angel’s penis disappear the other night. First it disappeared, then it reappeared, then it disappeared, then it reappeared, then it disappeared, then it reappeared . . .

    That happened over and over again until a sticky slimy white fluid appeared at the end of Chris Angel’s penis. Holly put the end of Criss Angel’s penis in her mouth and the sticky slimy white fluid disappeared . . .

    I’m pretty sure a video of this magic act will appear on the net pretty soon . . .

  16. Sport

    Once a douche – always a douche.
    Try throwing on more pewter chains around your neck Cris maybe it will help.

    Fucking tool.

  17. Heriony

    I see he’s down to 3 cheap ass Hot Topic necklaces for this pic.

    Wake up Holly….

  18. erica

    I CAN’T be the only one who can’t tell him apart from Pete Wentz.

  19. Karin

    If Holly has had plastic surgery, well, ok. She looks great. But what the hell happend in Criss Angels face ??? To much botox or was it a lifting. He looks awful. And Holly, Angel is never gonna get married or have children. You have to start to choose real guys !!!!! WAKE UP !!!!

  20. Criss Angel? I thought that was Chris Gaines!

    We found an image of Crisholly that actually makes Angel look cute. I know! We didn’t think it was possible either!

    http://starcasm.net/archives/1176

  21. Doggy Style

    I told you fags, he sucks, its all done with a giant screen and he appears and disappears on the screen, he’ll do some dumb shit like save a girl from a train on screen and then bring her out to the stage, bull shit. The execs at Luxor have to be pissed, they sent a shit load on the stage for Fag Angel and now there’s no way to make the money back, hahahahahaha someone over at Planet Hollywood just got a promotion… I’m a Dr. Of journalism.

  22. toolboy

    Chrissy Snow still looks hot, but Janet is looking kinda fugly. What’s up with the Mr T imitation. Fool. Shame too, Janet was always my favorite. Little minx.

  23. ToTellTheTruth

    LMFAO@ #13…..now I’ve forgot what the fuck I was gonna say!!!!

  24. paul

    I know how he picked her up. He used the oldest line in the book,

    “I am a famous magician. Watch. Spread your legs and I’ll make my penis disappear.”

  25. sla

    He looks like Posh. Same sculpted hair, ton of makeup and non-expression.

  26. 1moreidiotintheworld

    Hey Criss… your rent-a-whore is on overtime now……..time to return her and get back to dick-sucking and your suck-ass magic show….

  27. max

    What a douche! A douchebag extraordinaire!

    And what’s with all those fugly disgusting x-tian crosses they worship? Oh yea, they’re obligatory for dumbasses.

    6 million dudes in joisy look better than that crusty, nasty, semen guzzling punk.

  28. AMERICANS REALLY LIKE FAGGOTS, don’t they?

  29. kitkat

    LMAO @ #23 Toolboy!!! Janet is on crack. Sad, but true according to this photo.

  30. Nikky Raney

    I like him, he’s talented.

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