Criss Angel won’t apologize for Miss USA debacle, will keep wearing necklaces (Yes!)

May 20th, 2008 // 45 Comments

About a month ago, Criss Angel decided to flip the fuck out when his girlfriend Miss Nevada didn’t win the Miss USA Beauty Pageant. Criss’ actions included pissing off The Donald and threatening respected reporter Norm Clarke of the Vegas Review-Journal. No one has asked his Royal Anus to comment about the incident – until now! Vegas Happens Here got a brief Q&A in with the illusionist:

Friess: Are you planning to apologize for the threat you made against Norm Clarke of the Review-Journal?
Angel: The problem is, some people got their lines crossed. And if some people got the whole story, they would see that what he wrote is actually not what really happened. So there’s nothing to apologize for.
Friess: What really happened?
Angel: I’d need a while to explain that to you and now is not the appropriate time.

But then, in a wicked display of cajones con queso, Vegas Happens Here calls out Criss Angel to settle this mess:

And yet in the face of such a PR nightmare, Mr. Angel — neither of his own volition nor encouraged firmly by the companies that have tethered $100 million+ to his mercurial persona in Vegas — bothered to issue a statement, do an interview, write a letter to the editor. Not only that, but he’s scolding “people” for not having the whole story when ample opportunities have been provided him to give it?
Hey, Criss. Here’s yet another chance. I’ve got all the time in the world. Whatcha waiting for?

Yeah, Criss, I’ve got all the time in the world, too. In fact, I’ve got too much time. So, I dunno, maybe you can come over and play some GTA or something. Just don’t steal my Star Wars figures to wear as a necklace because then I’d have to shoot a whale harpoon through your mouth. No, really, I keep one in the garage for just such an occasion. Thank you, Capt. Brian and your shady yard sales. Ha ha, next week I’m buying a sub!

Photo: Vegas Happens Here, Asshats R Us Photography
superficial

  1. sla

    And to think I once thought he was hot…

  2. veggi

    FIRST to flick my bean to this picture!!!

  3. It's me Fuckers

    I think he’s hot. But he needs a bag over his head… plastic bags are best.

  4. sla

    And I also never thought I’d say this, but…

    First!

    (I am now a card-carrying resident of loserville.)

  5. Crissypoo Analangel

    Ok, fine, the fully story is that she’s the only girl I ever had an erection with – briefly – so she deserves to win. How do you like my nipples?

  6. midori

    He is sooooo unappealing.

  7. The only way I’d like him is if he could make Spencer & Heidi disappear.

    Oh, #2 & 4 – both losers.

  8. bagabi lacha he lamac lamac bachaleya

    My suggestion to Mr. Angel is to dump the second rate loser bitch he was with and go for the winner! Guys, never settle for second best. Put your love (dick) to the test as Madonna herself once said. If you are with a pretty girl (hopefully not too old and stretched) and you see a younger prettier girl somewhere, dump the granny and get the nicer one. Laws of nature fellas. Can’t fight it!
    And why is what we want so wrong? We need a new religion. No Religion!
    Evolution is all about survival of the fittest and if your woman is not fit, dump her and get one that is!

    ;)

  9. I want him to make his dick disappear…INTO MY ASS!

    Haw haw haw haw haw!

    (see, trolls, beat ya to it…)

  10. Mario Kart

    who does he think he is, Jim Morrison?? Chriss Angel is nothing but a famewhore, famous for being a wannabe David Copperfield or David Blaine, what a fucking wannabe. Get over yourself. They should make fun of this loser on DFT NEWS of the Weird: http://digitalfuntown.squarespace.com/dft-blog/2008/5/16/dft-news-episode-4.html

  11. Auntie Kryst

    Could the reason no official statement was issued, and no one even remembered the event until some small website resurrected the story was no one gives a fuck about this dumbass?? Just saying…

  12. nipolian

    Someone needs to get “Lefty” Rosenthal to make a call to Kansas City and have arrangements made to “Tony the Ant” Spilotro this douchesprocket Chris Angel’s ass.

  13. Adolph

    if he was really magic, he’d make that big fucking jew nose disappear. why are jews always so fugly? Abracadabra you monkey faced muthafuckah!

  14. hot mess

    @9 – FRIST!!!

    LOL

  15. veggi

    ok! Back from flippin my bean.. yeah, yeah, and of course recovering from being first. er, second..

    what’s new??

  16. So he wants be Jesus? Crucify the motherfucker. That’s right, get us a couple of Roman soldiers and some nails and slake his thirst with a gallon of vinegar. Get out of that trap ya fucking quack!

  17. Jrz

    I’d have a lot of fun with him in the sack though…..
    “Is that it or is that an illusion?”

  18. #16 – Is the extra “E” for effort?

  19. Vote Republican, to support moral values

    “A New York congressman who admitted to fathering a child out of wedlock with a woman who bailed him out of jail on a drunk driving charge this month announced Monday that he will not run for re-election.

    Fossella is the 30th Republican to announce they would not seek re-election to the U.S. House of Representatives.

    “This choice was an extremely difficult one, balanced between my dedication to service to our great nation and the need to concentrate on healing the wounds that I have caused to my wife and family,” Rep. Vito Fossella, a six-term Republican, said in a written statement.

    Fossella, who represents Staten Island and part of Brooklyn, is the 30th Republican to announce they would not seek re-election to the U.S. House of Representatives.

    As a result, Democrats, who hold a 236-199 majority in the House, could see gains in the November election.

    Fossella’s sudden downfall began soon after midnight on May 1, when he ran a red light in Alexandria, Virginia and was stopped by police. A breath test put his blood-alcohol level at 0.17 percent, more than double the state’s legal limit, according to his arrest report.

    The congressman apologized the next day for what he said was “an error in judgment.”

    A week later, the 43-year-old, married Fossella was apologizing again to his family and constituents because of his secret extramarital affair with Laura Fay.

    It became public because the police report said Fossella told the arresting officer he was going to visit a sick daughter when he was stopped, identifying Fay’s street as his destination.

    Fossella told reporters after his arrest that he had been celebrating the Super Bowl champion New York Giants’ appearance at the White House with constituents.”

  20. #21 – Who are these “constituents”? Jim Beam and Captain Morgan?

  21. Wim

    When I eat barbecued bratwurst, the next day my shits have the same color as his skin.

  22. Auntie Kryst

    @13 Nip, no need to bring in the Chicago guns. I’m sure the fellas from KC will handle directly. They really hate that douche too. I think all it will take is landing a pair of Chiefs season tickets and a nice spiedini dinner.

  23. poot

    i wish that earth’s gravity field would stop affecting him, thusly allowing him to float off of our planet and into the vacuum of space.

  24. havoc

    This guy actually had some potential. At least by today’s standards of talent.
    But he quickly turned into one of the lamest, douchebag assclowns in the entire entertainment industry. This persona he developed is ridiculous.

    .

  25. common sense

    #26 totally agree. He started out cool, but just became a tool. It’s too bad.

  26. Stuey

    DUDE, enough with the charm necklaces. FREAK…oh wait, he says that, lol

  27. Deva

    Um, isn’t this the guy that got raped by Minnie Driver so she could hop on the hollywood bandwagon of having children? Nice photoshopped abs dork….

  28. Ted from LA

    Looking at this picture, he should be asking one question today…

    “Would you like fries with that?”

  29. grunion

    He’s alright I guess, I just wish hey would wear more jewelry.

  30. FCS

    I have to agree with him. There is NO way he shouldn’t have won Miss America.

    I mean look at that hair…..

  31. I think you meant “cojones con queso”, not cajones.

  32. Kat

    This guy is GORGEOUS! All of you are just jealous of his looks.

  33. ania

    When I first read this I thought you wrote pissing ON The Donald. That would have been so much more appropriate…

  34. andie

    Male butterface..

    butthisface?

    He does need a bag over his head. I think he’d be ok if he didn’t have a dead rodent on his head and more charms than my nine year old daughter.

  35. Uhhhhh

    He’s not a jew you fucking tardlets, he’s Greek.

  36. HFRC (is the shit!) :)

    Criss Angel is fuckin awsome! All u fuckin hataz r just makin him more famous! Dnt be mad cuz u aint him BITCHZZ!

  37. superstar

    he’s hot…but too old for me =[ he’ll be 44 when i’m 18!!!

  38. stickers

    i totaly love criss angles and hes necklaces it
    rocks and so dose him.

  39. iceman

    We need to ask the question. Who is Criss Angel really ?
    Consider that these are the days that have been told about and we need to be very very very vigilant.
    I sense a very unusual spirit with this man.
    “By the way, I DO NOT work for the Church”,I just sense things like that.

  40. briana

    what is wrong with you people criss isnt a wannabe he is a magican. they inspired him and just because what they do is in comon doesnt mean criss is coping them he is a charmming caring person and he does magic to make people happy he helps little kids that are sick and dieing last months better he helps kids in need and his show has given me something to watch when i need to escape from my life and when im haveing a bad day and i think you should give him some respect for every thing he does and he is a brialant and talented person and hes gone through so much his dad dieing strugling to reach his goal in life and he deserves every thing he has now and i hope he doesnt get to caught up in fame and fortun and change

  41. briana

    what is wrong with you people criss isnt a wannabe he is a magican. they inspired him and just because what they do is in comon doesnt mean criss is coping them he is a charmming caring person and he does magic to make people happy he helps little kids that are sick and dieing last months better he helps kids in need and his show has given me something to watch when i need to escape from my life and when im haveing a bad day and i think you should give him some respect for every thing he does and he is a brialant and talented person and hes gone through so much his dad dieing strugling to reach his goal in life and he deserves every thing he has now and i hope he doesnt get to caught up in fame and fortun and change

  42. Brunettes Take Over

    Love him with short hair…..yep, i’d say he’s fuckable.

Leave A Comment