Criss Angel will steal your pets

May 15th, 2009 // 47 Comments

Criss Angel is on the verge of getting sued for allegedly stealing the cat of Vegas showman Jeff Beacher, according to Page Six:

Beacher’s lawyer, Robert Reynolds, wrote to Angel: “After both of Mr. Beacher’s parents passed away due to cancer [two years ago], his family’s cat (“Hamlet”) was bequeathed to him by will. At the time, Mr. Beacher was residing at the Hard Rock Hotel [in Las Vegas]. Accordingly, he allowed his friend Jennifer Madden to temporarily care for the cat until he moved out of the hotel.
“Soon thereafter, while still grieving over the recent loss of his father, my client received a phone call from you stating, ‘I took your cat. He lives with me now’ . . . This action was against the will of Ms. Madden and Mr. Beacher. I also understand that you made further bizarre allegations, including, ‘The cat no longer likes you’ and ‘The cat and I have become close friends.’ “

This is usually never the case, but I absolutely, 100% believe this story. There’s no doubt in my mind that Criss Angel steals animals then calls up their owners to say “Hey, your pet loves me now.” Talk about the douchiest thing anyone could do which is what makes it so believable. In fact, I’m surprised this didn’t end with pics of Criss using his necklace to handcuff kittens. You’d think that’d be the next logical step.

Photos: Getty

  1. desi

    hahaha this guy…

  2. 2for2true

    livin’ la vida douchebag

  3. 2for2true

    Livin’ la vida douchebag!

  4. leslie

    this guy is such a douche

  5. You should see the picture of Kim Kardaskank on She is not wearing a butt girdle and you can see her saggy ass with a lot of cellulite on her ugly loose ass and on her thighs. She is wearing spandex work out pants. It is gross looking!

  6. meee

    if i never had to see one of his outfits again i’d be totally ok with that.

  7. Joe

    “And for my next ewusion, I am going make my wisp disappear”

  8. what a tool… i cant believe he gets to bang playmates.

  9. The guy is a douche sundae, drizzled with douche sauce, topped with douche sprinkles in a douche bowl. Nope, no cherry on top… he’s too much of a douche.

  10. lisa

    He is so cool, and I saw his profile on
    ____T a l l h u b . c o m_____, he is welcomed by a lot of sexy tall singles and models there. I also met many sexy tall singles and models on it.

  11. Ray Ray

    i wish someone would set him on fire.

  12. Ian

    Douche Bag with lots of cash.

  13. Pancriatic Cancer

    Don’t worry folks, I’m going to catch up with this douche some day and it ain’t going to be pretty.

  14. Amy

    “The cat and I have become close friends…” Anybody who tries to steal my cat will get a fist to the face. Someone please beat the shit out of this ass-hat.

  15. havoc

    Douchenozzle x 10.


  16. Awesome

    Best story I’ve heard all day! :)

  17. alex

    #13 – here’s to hoping that your ugly cousin, Pancreatic Cancer, catches up with him too.

  18. Zanna

    I bet he smells like Summer Rain.


  19. wtf

    I agree with the comments above, expect 5, i dont want to look at kim whatsherface, but thanks anyway.

  20. Sport

    Hahahaa, I love you people. Before even opening the article all I could think to say was ‘what a DOUCHE’ and I am happy to see almost every comment echo my sentiments.

    Was there ever anyone more deserving of the title? It’s just so perfect.

    I’ll just pretend I’m being original because there really is no other way to put it…

    The guy is a fucking douchebag.

  21. #17 – With any luck, his Asian cousin PanFriedCreatic Cancer stops by to visit this bucket of douche water too…

  22. Zanna

    @21 his Asian cousin will probably make General Gau’s chicken out of the stolen cat.

  23. #22 – And Cris Angel would probably douche his ass with the left ass sauce.

  24. Richard McBeef

    This guy is a douche.

    Wait, did somebody already say that?

  25. JJ

    Douche x 10 to the twenty-third power

  26. Cat Lady

    If this walking turd demon ever comes NEAR one of my precious babies, I’ll shove my boot so far up his ass he’ll be flossing with my shoelaces.

    Now c’mere Princess FuzzyFace, Mama needs some sugar.

  27. Heroiny

    Little Lord Douchington

  28. J-Dizzle

    Sup dawgs? J-Dizzle comin’ at ya from da hood yo!

    Yo Criss, luv yo bustin’ stylez of voodoo magik and trickery on da tube maybee yo could pull a heist for yo fans? J-Dizzle stealin’ yo sizzle!

  29. This guy probably more hated than Rough Daddy! Didnt he do the same to hef? cat, blonde whats the difference?

  30. Americanwhitetrash

    Why o why does this douche bag have a career? I heard his gay magic stage acts in Vegas suck so bad its laughable. To top it off he dresses and acts like a fag. Good grief.

    Come to think of it, its because asshole like this give him media coverage and publicity.

  31. Richard McBeef

    @30 – Cats at least have a palpable personalilty

  32. Lowder

    In the first two he looks like the missing Jonas brother…the last two like Tommy Lee

  33. …………………….and fuck them too.

  34. mikeock

    This guy gives flaming douchebags a bad name. Oh, by the way, nice hair, Liza.

  35. Does he own a private jet? i cant imagine this guy Mr T-ing though an airport!

  36. Sheldon

    Beacher is the biggest douchebag in Vegas. He absolutely would make something like this up for the free publicity

  37. Nero

    Who posted this? Who’s paying your salary?

  38. Te-te

    So, it wasn’t really his cat, and he left it with someone else, who was the type of person who would give away a cat. In 2007. And he’s just now decide to ask for the cat? Yeah, his story makes sense.

  39. mary

    if the cat meant so much to the other guy he never would have let it go in the first place. But then after all that time decided he wants it back…if he had it in a pound for that long they would have put it down…so really he should be glad that it has been taken care of so well because obviously buddy didn’t give a rats butt about it.

  40. Magical Vaginitis

    He needs to go away. Or get talent. Or stop being so arrogant, get talent, and go away.

    Someone make it stop.

  41. AmeriCanadian

    I hate this fuckin’ guy.

  42. Criss Angel is just a scary looking street hustler that got lucky to be famous. A friend thinks he’s the next thing to Copperfield, but I can do most of Criss Angel’s tricks. At least the ones my friend was amazed by.

  43. awesome stuff! thanks for all the information.

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