Criss Angel goes ballistic at beauty pageant

April 15th, 2008 // 94 Comments

Criss Angel, seen here with his girlfriend Miss Nevada Veronica Grabowski (Don’t mind if I do.), threw a hissy fit when she didn’t win the Miss USA pageant over the weekend. He particularly took umbrage with Vegas Confidential columnist Norm Clarke who wrote the following:

Shortly after Grabowski was eliminated, Angel was seen flashing a middle finger during a NBC telecast when a roving cameraman attempted a celebrity-in-the-crowd shot at Planet Hollywood Resort’s main theater.
Angel was still fuming after the pageant when he threatened this columnist in an F-bomb-laced tirade that ended with Angel, after being restrained, saying, “Don’t ever write another word about me, or you’ll need an eyepatch over your other eye.”

Mr. T’s illegitimate vanilla-baby better watch out because he’s irked the pageant’s sponsor. A guy you might know as Donald Fucking Trump:

Donald Trump, who owns Miss Universe, the umbrella group for Miss USA, told me Friday that he was disturbed by Angel’s encounter with a judge and added, “We’re going to have to look at that.”

I wish Criss Angel would get in my grill and tell me to never write about him. That way I can ask him when Claire’s has their huge clearance days because Criss seems to make out like a bandit there. I mean, Jesus, look at all that arm candy. He’s got more charm bracelets then an eight-year-old girl who just smashed open her piggy bank. Damn, that metaphor works on so many levels – but mostly the one where Criss Angel has a vagina.

Photos: Getty Images

  1. He is just about washed up already and no one really gives a crap about him. I find him annoying and desperate for attention. His magic tricks are cool, but so what. At the end of the day who cares about stupid tricks?

  2. Spazz

    Man you guys are killing me. The comments are better than the Fish writing on this one. I see the picture, instantly the word ‘douche’ and all its glorious variants come to mind so I click on comments only to realize you people have it WELL covered.

    Whoa – look at the clock! Fourteen minutes and counting Chris…
    Could you imagine being behind this wannabee at the airport trying to catch a flight? They should melt him down and make a shield or something.

  3. NY Ted

    What Angel the “Crack Head” couldn’t magically make his girlfriend win the pagent…must be losing his touch!

    Today dating Miss Nevada…tomorrow dating Amy Crackhouse!

    That is if he doesn’t end up buried in concrete at the latest Trump Condo in Vegas!

    What a fucking moron…now you know why we threw him out of N.Y.!

  4. King Wang

    I can’t even begin to explain the basic Douchery Mathematical Equations.

    This punk bitch either escaped from prison, and is emulating Crunk Angle, or aliens are finally now wearing Crunk Skins as dopplegangers.

    I can only imagine his old lady trying to masturbate him while he levitates across his dining room floor covered with tinfoil from the Tweak Rocks THAT piece of shit has been smoking.

    Say it ain’t so Jimmy! Crunk Angle is shooting for another career other than gay porn? FUCK!

  5. He’s a massive fucking tool. Why do modern magicians always think they’re badass? Huh? Since when does disappearing in a garbage can or levitating in the buffet mean you’re the shit. I know a lot of people who, if this douche got in their face, they would do a magic trick where they make his head and shoulders disappear up his faggoty rectum.

  6. LL

    To give you an idea of how massive the douchebaggery is, Gob is less of a douchebag than Criss Angel. That name alone guarantees him a spot in the Douchebag Hall of Fame.

    I usually don’t wish bodily harm on anyone but Donald Trump (another Douchebag Hall of Famer) and Kathie Lee Gifford, but seeing the picture above makes me wish a real motorcycle gang or Mexican Mafia gang or just a girl’s soccer team would stomp his hairy ass into the ground. I got a crisp new $5 bill for anyone who can make that happen.

  7. jack

    has anyone noticed he’s wearing the same jacket in the last several posts in a row? where’s the witty comment on that fish?

  8. ixz

    Not to be repetitive… but he’s such a cocky ass douche bag. Every time I see him I want to beat the shit out of his pussy ass face… fuck and the chicks that flock to him on his show! WHAT THE HELL? I would never fuck that… unless their was money involved….

  9. Ed

    WTF!!!! – & days ago you had an article saying he was back with Pam Anderson? And how the hell can any man grow that much facial hair in 7 days? Seems someone has their story wrong.

  10. grobpilot

    Goes to show that all these celebrity shit-fucks share the same fucking brain. They all flash that bullshit sideways peace symbol. Is this supposed to make us think they’re hip and “with it” (whatever that fucking means)?

    We are not impressed. At all. Fuck off and die.

  11. boo

    THIS is Criss Angel??? What happened to the emo haircut with the bad highlights and the Hot Topic wardrope? He looks like Grizzley Adams gay brother.

  12. woodhorse

    I can only thank God that he doesn’t do the Renaissance Fairs. If he ever asks for directions, just tell him how to get to a Willie Nelson 4th of July picnic. Maybe we’ll never see him again.

  13. Missystar

    Thanks for the props, #48.

  14. Igottabemeeee

    Could Asston Kucher be involved? Because no one would parade around so much douchebaggery on purpose.

  15. anonymous coward

    when did this douche morph into randy ‘macho man’ savage?

  16. samsonite luggage

    one word comes to mind………….”NERD”

  17. BoboTed

    How does a total loser sporting the latest in “Homeless/Hermit Man” fashion get a chick as hot as that piece of ass? I can’t believe she’d let his face anywhere near her tight pussy.

  18. Tash

    Since when did he turn into a fat hairy biker?
    And what is it he does again.. magic tricks? LAME-O

  19. Buddy Buddy

    Holy Jebus…I guess this chick loves the douchebags. She’s actually from HOUSTON, and back there she dated the number one douchebag Houston has ever seen!!!

  20. jakebarnes

    He lost one percent of his douchebagginess by growing that beard. I hate his guts, but I gotta hand it to him, that beard is well-made.

  21. Parker Posey

    Hey Chris, why don’t you make yourself disappear… for good! God that guy is a sleaze.

  22. First time I have ever been tempted to use the word ‘festooned’. But, then its Criss Angel and its not even worth going through the motions

  23. Jeff Wayne

    Some nice bling jewellery he’s got on. Bet it takes him hours to put that lot on.

  24. jEnsmo

    Criss Angel is a horrible illusionist and apparently an even more horrible person. Too many unworthy people getting too much Hollywood spotlight the last decade………go back to the shadows.

  25. Who's Your Daddy

    Hey Mister Master Illusionist

    Lemme show you a neat trick where your teeth disappear, just stand there you fuckin fagboy, and let my fist do all the work!

  26. Ted

    She is cute and sexy. She is also my favorite. I saw her profile on “” last week. It is said she is dating
    a young billionaire on that site now.You can contact her on that site.

  27. Amy

    1. that MIGHT be the funniest thing I have ever read.


    2. damn, I missed the sale.

  28. Wait a minute. “An eyepatch over your OTHER eye?”

    So, this Norm guy already has an eyepatch?

    The visual of super-manorexic Criss Angel waving his emo skeezy fingers in some writer’s face just got fifty times better.

  29. Harry Ballzack

    Why should HE care if she won or not?
    Hell just last week he was photographed sucking face with Pamela Anderson.
    So WTF wanna B badass?
    You think you’re gonna take on “The Donald” and get your way? HAHAHAHA……HE BUYS AND SELLS WHITE TRASH LIKE YOU TEN TIMES EVERY DAY FOOL !!

  30. I club cunts

    Hey racist white trash beef curtain princess KRYST, looks like your knight in shining armor is cheating on you. Turn that ac/dc up, cook your crack and much on your cheetos, Jesus is on the way.

  31. Magickgdm

    When did Criss turn into Jim Morrison right before he died?

  32. Auntie Kryst

    @84 I don’t know what the fuck you’re trying to say, but I’ll go ahead and be insulted because you took the time to write. Good boy..

  33. SUN

    What’s with the beard? He looks like an alien — an alien that assumed all human culture dressed at Spencer’s, and concocted an appropriate disguise. It is as if he is a Zakk Wylde replicant — copied in China. What is with these magician dudes?

  34. xc

    this bitch’s face is so ugly no wonder she didn’t win! why’s he so surprised?

  35. Rachael

    His IMAGE is going down fast since he stated dating this little girl. She is only 23. I think he needs to wake up and fast. Now he is getting tat and branding himself because of this little P___y. She has him so wrapped. I hope this relationship ends soon and we can see him dating women and not college girls. And she is using him to get her name out there and from what I have been reading it is working but her names are being called: Trash, Cunt, Slut, Whore, Looking for a Sugar Daddy, Shank. She should have not even been in Miss USA. She is more like Miss Shank then anything else. I bet her parents are really proud th have their little girl have sex with a man old enough to be her Daddy.

  36. Holy fuckkk. I definitely used to think he was the hottest guy ever but with the pubes all over his face, I’m just like, “Wtf?!”….Eww..

  37. Holy fuckkk. I definitely used to think he was the hottest guy ever but with the pubes all over his face, I’m just like, “Wtf?!”….Eww..

  38. Mary

    Criss finally dumped his 23 year old whore g/f Veronica Grabowski. What a joke that relationship was. He is a frat boy in HEAT and she is looking for a Daddy Image. I think Criss is older then her Dad.



  40. sexygirl

    criss what the hell are u thinking u were alot better w/Britney Spears. At least she was pretty and she can sing. One thing I can say she had the voice and face to match!

  41. sexygirl

    criss what the hell are u thinking u were alot better w/Britney Spears. At least she was pretty and she can sing. One thing I can say she had the voice and face to match!

  42. sexygirl

    criss what the hell are u thinking u were alot better w/Britney Spears. At least she was pretty and she can sing. One thing I can say she had the voice and face to match!

  43. sexygirl

    criss what the hell are u thinking u were alot better w/Britney Spears. At least she was pretty and she can sing. One thing I can say she had the voice and face to match!

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