superficial

  1. noooooooo

    Took me a minute to realize there was a car in there and not just a giant extension of her body. Whoops

  2. Josephus

    Kirstie Alley has eternal “Bitter Beer Face.”

  3. She looks like Cher’s Kid from Mask.

  4. Teep

    It’s nice to know she got a role in the Killer Clowns from Outer Space sequel. Cheap since no makeup is needed.

  5. Jill Ess

    The curl in her lips
    The ice in her stair
    The inacent children better be ware
    She’s like a spider waiting
    for the kill
    Look out for
    Cruella De Vil

    • your disillusioned 5th grade English teacher

      Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the reason who every last teacher who was bitching about not getting every little union demand should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

      • Rissa

        “I give you the reason WHO every last teacher who was…”
        Did you mean to say “I give you the reason WHY every last teacher who was…”?

        Chances of you actually being an English teacher are slim, but if you are, then I am glad you were not mine. If you are going to criticize someone’s admittedly horrible spelling and grammar, then at least make sure you are using correct spelling and grammar yourself.

      • timmy the dying boy

        How ironic.

      • Anon

        To be fair, though, there is a big difference between an obvious slip of the fingers (“who” v. “why”) and an embarrassing misspelling (“inacent” for “innocent”)…

      • steponme

        i read the book Precious based on the movie Precious based on the book Push by Sapphire and that is actually one of her original poems.

    • Jill_Ess

      HA! Guess I should have looked closer before I copied and pasted. I skimmed it.

  6. villenuv27

    I wash myself with a rag on a stick!

  7. Staggering Leprechaun

    Get in my belly!

  8. Charmless Man

    “Did someone drop a chicken wing?”

    • Bucky Barnes

      She keeps a couple buckets stashed in the folds of her arm fat in case she gets peckish during rehearsal. The Colonel’s secret herbs and spices combined with Kirstie’s pit sweat… Yum!

  9. DonDopey

    Fun Fact: She did hand modeling work for the Leprechaun movies.

  10. Gerbil in my Butt

    Linda Blair? Exorcist? Pretty fucking scary.

  11. noooooooooo

    She’s competing with Alicia Silverstone right now, unfortunately she didn’t get the memo that Alicia is preggo and will eventually shed much of the frontal mass she’s carrying right now.

  12. Kayne East

    Where in the hell did Ozzy Osbourne find that horrible shirt?

  13. Shad

    Damn, Mischa Barton looks like shit.

  14. kpatra

    omg fat jokes are so boring.

  15. I bet it takes a cattle prod and a gross of Twinkees to get her to Paso Doble.

  16. just here for the laughs

    Insane Clown Posse-Unmasked!

  17. c-h

    i loved her permancue as Aughra in The Dark Crystal!

  18. SHump

    Is it just me or is she actually turning into crazy cat lady from the Simpsons?

  19. JB

    I didn’t think that anything could be louder than Kirstie, but that shirt managed to pull it off!

  20. Pill

    At least the Battlefield Earth remake is true to the original’s aesthetics

  21. I can’t quite tell from this picture… what kind of car do dragons drive?

  22. kingpear

    Dids ize run over a cheeburger?

  23. Storm

    Shouldn’t she be trying to kill the little mermaid instead of dancing?

  24. Happy Spillmore

    Did someone say quadruple chocolate, custard filled, 29 layer, homemade frosting covered in good n plenty hamburger shaped cake?

  25. “Hey – bring me that butter so I can get out of this car.”

  26. cc

    Her first routine is either ‘Dance of the Batshit Crazy Fortune Teller’ or an intpretative piece called ‘What if Ms. Roper Was Scary and Obese?’

  27. kimmykimkim

    I thought the word “stars” in the title of DWTS meant “celebrities”, not “stars” as in “a giant mass of burning gas.” God! I’m such an idiot!!

  28. Babs

    Smeagol?

  29. friendlyfires

    She thinks we’re a bag of double meat cheeseburgers … RUN THE FUCK AWAY !!!!

  30. “I smell bacon.”

  31. Elf

    Oh, is that the actress who played the giant bug that swalloved Tommy Lee Jones at the end of Men in Black?

  32. Jovy

    Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Kirstie!

  33. Bluebeard

    The Gathering is close at hand – I heard that if she does manage to eat Britney, not even Jessica Simpson can stop her from taking the Prize.

  34. Rainbow

    Oops. Grendel got out again.

  35. just here for the laughs

    I didn’t know they made a movie with Chucky’s mom?

  36. MrClio

    And they swore up and down that the Blair Witch was just a movie.

  37. Keithypoo

    “I just made a wet fart in there.”

  38. woodhorse

    She”s replacing the Pillsbury Doughboy in the new Ghostbusters. They are going to say a ton of money on special effects.

  39. steponme

    i hate her voice so much this doesn’t affect me really …when she talks..shudder.

  40. Bucky

    I wouldn’t f*ck her with YOUR dick.

  41. Don

    I just wanted to be thanked in the most important people of the week thread.

    FTR – I thought “inacent ” was one of those off words I don’t know the definition of, like “onomatopoeia.”

    Kirstie is fat.

    That is all.

  42. notrollhere

    Faces of Scientology

  43. Trivia

    She looks exactly like the witch who tried to eat Tom Cruise in Legend…Meg Mucklebones

  44. Just_As_it_IS

    “Creatures crawl in search of blood, to terrorize your neighborhood…”

    That’s all I can think of.

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