Courtney Stodden’s Ramblings Are Still A Goddamn Goldmine

October 11th, 2011 // 135 Comments
Courtney Stodden Marilyn Monroe

Seen here taking a massive, faux-child-bride pee on Marilyn Monroe‘s grave yesterday, Courtney Stodden is still posting insane shit to Twitter, so tonight, in lieu of The Crap We Missed, The Superficial brings you:

The Annotated Ramblings of Courtney Stodden-Hutchinson

Mmm… Want to know a sexy secret about me? I am a deliciously dangerous Doug-Addict – Shhh!! ;-) XOs

Today I figured out how to open the medicine cabinet by myself!

Wildly wiggling & jauntily jiggling myself to jolting jams as I friskily flaunt a flirty outfit completed w/sexy white 7in. go-go boots! ;-)

Sometimes I have seizures and wake up naked! Tee-hee!

Placing my hands in Marilyn Monroe’s provocative prints & what a perfect fit it is! XOs ;-x

I remember when I was two, and he sang that song about beautiful people. [Ed. Note: I now feel old as shit.] We were both born boys. Frown frown :(

Wrapping myself up inside of this lovely late night as my delicate loved ones joyously join me in sweet conjunction; Family is Bliss! ;-x

Dad showed up and told Doug he has to share. Harumph!

As I slip on my sexy mini-skirt my taunting mind takes flight into an intimate world of wondrous imagination. Whats your Friday Fantasy? ;-)

Doug spends a lot of time sleeping. And eating oatmeal. Do you think he’ll die soon?

Nothing feels sexier than wearing the beautiful truth.

Just kidding! I’m a luxurious buxomy lady lynx luxuriating her lusciousness into lusty liaisons!

The sultry scent of my pink-sugary, cotton-candy bod is purely provocative & pleasing. So glad that it satisfied everyone tonight… ;-) XOs

Notice how I used the word “everyone.” Dad came over again. Womp womp.

Rolling playfully on top of a white feathery fur rug as the strings of my garter swing around my thighs & whip me! *Tuesdays are Tingly! ;-x

And Mondays are mongly! YAY!

Hovering over the scintillating city of Los Angeles on my beautiful balcony while wearing a white loose blouse & luxurious lace stockings!

A stray police car pulls up to the house and tells me to put my child tits away from the cold, cool night. Doug tells him to mind his own business, and I feel myself warming in places I never knew exist- FUCK! I left this heating pad on.

Preparing the most pleasant plate of pasta in absolutely nothing but my plush peek ‘a boo panties! Mmm… it tastes like perfection! ;-) XOs

I gave the delivery boy a boner. GROSS!

Saturated within a superb Sunday as Gods love beams brightly! “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear … ” 1 John 4:18

Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop for a minute. Did she just quote Scripture? Then again, the Bible does love it some child marrying. Carry on!

Lubricating my limber legs with a creamy lotion that electrifies my luminescent captivation, lustrously. It’s Slippery Saturday! XOs! ;-)

Note to Self: Doug doesn’t like it when I cover the stairs in lube when he was gone. Something about his “sky-attica.” Old people talk funny.

This has been The Annotated Ramblings of Courtney Stodden-Hutchinson.

Photo: Twitter

The Superficial is in Clusterf@ck! Mode this week. Normal posting resumes Mon, Oct 17.

superficial

  1. rican

    What a moron, maybe she is 17 after all.

    • V

      I think she’s retarded or drugged.

    • Yup

      She looks more like a late 30′s mid-shift hooker who’s lived life way too hard & is beat down. Someone should do a background check on her & call her on her BS lie…

      • harlee

        you’re right, she DOES look like lindsay’s long lost twin! how did we never notice this before? aw, it’s just like a heartwarming disney film. XOs

  2. arnieblackblack

    Bible quoting borderline jail-bait gold digger. Makes you proud be an Americorn. That’s an American unicorn for those that ain’t in the know, ya know?

  3. arnieblackblack

    Jinx!!!

  4. wtf

    seriously, wtf is up with this? look, i don’t know or care about 90% of the shit you write here but isn’t this girl like 16?

    this is how far we’ve fallen.

    fuck it, we deserve the ELE. 2012, bring it on.

    • General Disarray

      Yeah, she’s 16…and I’m the pope. Wanna borrow my big fucking hat?

    • Venom

      Assuming that she is really 16, 17 whatever, if the government has no problem with her marrying and fucking some weird ass 50 year old man, then why should we or anyone else care?

      • Child

        The problem is children and teens are usually not wise enough for the gravity of marriage, though she must clearly be in the for the press and fame, I can’t imagine Doug is terribly wealthy.

      • wtf

        shes not a fucking child, she’s a fucking pustule on the sweaty fucking old man balls of society and its sad that this is becoming famous for basically being an underaged whoreshtick.

        at least the kardasian just got pissed on.

        seriously, when someone who’s ascended to media fame by being micturated upon can claim to “just get pissed on.”

        this is lame. i’m going to fucking banish all media from my life, homeschool my spawn and fucking go off the grid. this shit is stupid and insultingly so.

    • Frank The Duck

      Child, that is the funniest comment on here today. To be quite clear, who gives a fuck about this unbelievably skanky pond scum bitch and whether she has chosen the right groom? If she is under 30 then she has the same addictions that Keith Richard had to look that rough . I never slept between about 18 and 25 and I looked better in the morning after 2 bottles of Jack than she does in posed and made up….

  5. dontkillthemessenger

    Someone please burn this bitch’s thesaurus. I think these are actually Walt Clyde Frazier’s tweets.

  6. Deacon Jones

    LMAO, I got lost between the lines and thought she wrote the one about Doug sleeping and eating oatmeal….

    Seriously, this guy’s going to get sick of fucking her, even though she’s probably one of the freakiest bitches in the world, eventually he won’t be able to take this shit.

    As I said before, you can usually withstand about 2 years of a REALLY hot chick’s ego/drama before most guys throw in the towel.

    • JC

      Something tells me that, for all the dirty Twitter talk, she insists on plain vanilla missionary, with no lights on and no foreplay. Even with daddy.

      Although I have a question: If 2 years is the limit for a REALLY hot girl, what is the limit for 40-year-old-lookin’ 16-year-olds?

      • Dan

        My limit is one year – found by empirical testing.

        Now to me “hot girls” aren’t worth it at all. I’ll take a nice chubby girl who can have a conversation with out crying and/or yelling any day.

  7. Christina

    An ass avalanche of asinine alliteration

  8. Someone’s been playing with the MadLibs again.

  9. Snack pack

    Fish, that was some funny sh!t.

  10. Venom

    This chick is batshit crazy.
    I bet sex with her is simultaneously the most amazing and scary thing you could ever do in your life. I would be in constant fear that she would just pull out a knife and start hacking me to pieces at any moment.

  11. Minky Wail

    Kill it with fire!

  12. KIMM

    Where are the Adjective Police when you need them?

  13. General Disarray

    When is she gonna take her clothes off? Because that’s really I all I give a shit about. Everyone knows the bitch hasn’t seen her teens in at least a decade so come on already.
    Tits and ass or GTFO!
    Who’s with me?

    • I’m in.

      Like Venom said above; if the government doesn’t care that some 50 year old married this chick at 16 then they shouldn’t care that she release a sex tape now while her body is still halfway decent.

  14. I’ve transitioned from being mildly annoyed by this chick, to now actively wishing a tragic accident befall her.

    I’m not talking about much, just maybe a 75% body 3rd degree burn.

  15. *~Court-Court~*

    scamming the new idiot hubby connivingly with sultry scheming mom in tow.
    feeling so much like steamy seventeen while stretching my 31 year old legs of luscious love across the zebra rug on my trailer of tingly trashaphoria floor. :-P

  16. r

    she is not 16 she looks atleast 40 in that photo.

  17. Slutmuffin

    Slutsical the musical written by Courtney Stodden , coming to a $1 movie bin near you

  18. rough & the beautiful truth

    How long will the authorities find her in a steel drum?

  19. karlito

    BAARRRFFFF!!!!!! wow!! what a boner killer. she makes sex gross and disgusting and not in a good way either. very very sad girl.

  20. lee

    Someone take her word of the day calendar down. She’s using it all wrong and it hurts my head.

  21. SSHGuru

    No way that’s 16. 35 at least. And it’s scary.

    • Jack Ketch

      Yep, take a look at the neck, and the elbows, and the look in the eyes. Virgin on her wedding night my ass. Also look at the knees – far from 17, more like 34. And how can someone be “horny” if they’ve never had sex before ?? The skin around the armpits is also scary (and older than 17), but that could be from the hideous boob job. Pam Anderson still looks better and she’s early 40′s. Gah. Someone who is 17 does NOT have hips like that, either. I wonder what Dougie thinks of her fake tits.

      • gnarla

        “And how can someone be “horny” if they’ve never had sex before ??”

        You’re kidding, right?

      • Jack Ketch

        No, it’s just weird that a virgin could be horny is all. When she’s never done it before and has no idea of what sex “entails” … something like, how would you know what ice cream was like if you’d never tasted it. Or “Adam and Eve saw that they were naked, and were ashamed.” How did they know the feeling “shame” when they’d never seen clothes before, did not know that clothes existed and were supposedly newly-created people ? Same thing.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        Are you a robot, Ketch? Did someone have to TELL you to feel horny? It’s a feeling. Some call it LUST. If you actually have it (and aren’t just pretending because all your little friends tell you it’s time to pay attention to girls), you just start feeling interested and make the moves.

      • Dan

        “how can someone be “horny” if they’ve never had sex before”

        You are a male right?

  22. AnnaDraconida

    WAT

  23. nick

    Fuck it, sex is dead thanks to her.
    Why the hell is a 16 year old even writing this shit?
    (rhetorical question, SHES A SLUT!)

  24. me

    As I take off my wild wacky wig and untuck my juicy junk from my smoothly shaven slit (ass cheeks) I fantasize that Doug is a dirty dog and does me from behind. It’s tranny Tuesday!!!

  25. Frunken

    I need to start listening to these music files you add to posts more often.

  26. argleblargle

    Looks like the English class on alliteration was the only one she was awake for. Her tweets are like Madlibs: Penthouse Edition.

  27. Sancho Berkowitz

    I would pay 20 bucks to see Christopher Walken or William Shatner read these out loud.

  28. Count of Monte Fisto

    Hasn’t alliteration suffered enough with the Kardassians?

  29. Jade

    I really wish you’d leave her out of your site.

    I’m not a prude.. I’m a giant pervert. Hell, yesterday my husband’s friend was talking to me about caulking and how he needed more caulk, and I could NOT keep a straight face.

    However, this is child porn. The only difference is that her parents chose to pimp her out instead of calling the police because the guy they pimped her out to is famous and rich. Were he just an average blue collar working guy, do you think her parents would have given the ok for her to marry him? Nope. They might have called the police for statutory rape. But because her parents say it is ok, everyone else is supposed to be ok with it? I’m not.

    I mean.. given the age she chose to marry, this guy is old enough to be her grandfather and great grandfather. Fuckin’ eww.

    Plz, leave this leagalized child rape alone and don’t join in glorifying it. I mean, I get that you’re demeaning her and him and her parents and every other nasty person involved.. but still.

    • cc

      Jade, seriously, look at her face. She’s AT LEAST a decade older than she says she is.

    • katy perry

      ummmm, really?
      This isn’t a few people ragging on Dakota Fanning. This chick is older than me and I am 34.
      Are you blind? Morman?

    • JPC

      Child Porn? Reading mind-numbing tweets from this “sixteen year old” is kiddie porn?

      “I’m not a prude.. I’m a giant pervert. Hell, yesterday my husband’s friend was talking to me about caulking and how he needed more caulk, and I could NOT keep a straight face.”

      The fact that you think this story means you aren’t a prude proves that you are a prude……..either that or trolling. If it is the latter, well done, milady.

    • Anon

      People always get so fucking confused about what’s legal and what’s illegal.

      16 or 17 is the legal age of consent for most states. For Cali, it happens to be 18, but it’s no matter, since they’re legally married thanks due to her parents’ approval.

      Looking at pictures of a minor in revealing clothes is not illegal. It’s not porn. Porn is naked people doing sex-y things.

      Masturbating to a picture of a minor isn’t illegal. There’s no law about what can turn you on, only laws about who you can actually do real sexual acts with.

      Reading sexual tweets posted by a minor is NOT child porn or illegal. She put it on a public forum. Underage girls all over the US write sexual things online, just maybe not this weird (and not as spread around by the media).

      So get your facts straight. (And this goes for every posted who says stuff like, “I can jack off to this in 1 year” whenever a picture of an under-18 girl in a bikini is put on this site. You’re free to cum while looking at whatever you want, *unless* it’s illegal, like REAL child porn. The younger Kardashian girl’s pictures aren’t naked, aren’t sexual. Cum as you will.)

    • This isn’t child porn. First off, it isn’t porn at all. And secondly, even on the off-chance that she really is only 17, she is not a child. She is a grown woman who hasn’t yet reached the age of consent according to the State of California.

      She might be as dumb as a cow-patty, but she’s certainly not a child.

      • Cock of the..

        …it is shocking to us but honestly 17 would not be looked upon as too young in other parts of the world, or like 50 years ago, it was the norm.. not that I condone this in any way but it’s all about perspective. We read Romeo and Juliet and she was only 13/14 years old… mind you, MUCH, MUCH smarter than this bitch…

  30. “…a creamy lotion that electrifies my luminescent captivation.”

    Can I get someone who’s already had a frontal lobotomy to please translate?

  31. Ruth

    Pamela Anderson dead 50 years will still look 8974353% hotter than she ever will.

  32. Ruth

    Oh, and Fish, I LOVE THE MUSIC TO GO WITH THE POST. It really makes my day. I always close my eyes and press play so it’s a surprise. You’re so awesome.

  33. “Someone taught me how to Dougie. Tee-hee!”

  34. Jilli

    She looks so cold and soul-less. She is amazingly ‘hard’ looking for a young girl. Is she a demon or what? Holy cow!

  35. Melissa

    okay, if I never see or hear another word about this skank, it would make me soooo happy, this is her “game”, publicity, bad or good, she’s “winning”!

  36. cc

    Twitter was invented by the devil to torment the living. You all know that right?

  37. Alex

    Does anyone alive in the 90s remember that Doug was that creepy bastard Toomes from early-season X-Files?

    This whole scenario becomes mildly surreal when you take that into consideration. He was a liver-eating mutant. He sent an animal liver to Chris Carter as a gift.

    … Could Courtney Stodden be food, perhaps?

  38. Sophia

    I think my brain died a little as I read this shit.

    She would a pain in the ass to be with, she isnt even a sexy or gorgeous woman, she is just a silly girl with way to much make up on and completely delusional. Sex would be ever worse, then again, anyone stupid enough to have sex with her deserves it. I can just imagine her to be so. … un feminine and un womanly/sensual… she probably wears a strap on and fucks him up the ass…

    The oatmeal line made me laugh though ;)

  39. Do Freebird

    This child is an American treasure.

  40. face

    alliteration, assholes.

  41. Valley of the Gun

    Have you ever been to Hollywood Boulevard, it is so sleazy now. The place was the playground of the rich and famous 50+ years ago.

    Her hands fit perfectly in Marilyn’s hand prints, big deal, every wannabee in the world has put their hands in those prints, and they fit all of them perfectly. Marilyn must be having a seizure in her grave with this one, she’s no Norma Jean Baker, just some vapid tramp whose husband writes all of her tweets for.

    She and the old man have had their 15 minutes, and both of them should open a pig farm in Nebraska to make some real honest money.

    • Do_FreeBird

      No need to go to Nebraska. I’m pretty sure that anywhere they go to live and have children (shudder) will become know as a pig farm

  42. Courtney Stodden Marilyn Monroe
    HollyKMS
    Commented on this photo:

    Who the hell are these nobodies?? Why not just post trash on Twitter from your neighbor?

  43. Arzach

    Seems like she has watched a lot of Cinemax past midnight

  44. forrest gump

    please explaine to me why there are so many job & homeless in california?

  45. Alicia

    I’m with dontkillthemessenger, someone please burn this bitch’s thesaurus! She writes the most embarrassing Tweets ever. They make her look like a stupid whore who’s trying to act smart and/or sexy and all she’s doing is making people hate her. We all know she married that dude because she wants to be an “actress and a singer”. Yuck. Just…yuck!

  46. karmichael

    As I lick my luscious chocolate balls in a sumptuously salty broth, I wonder, witherto went chef?

  47. dotmatrix

    She makes Kim Kardashian look like Elizabeth Taylor, circa 1956.

  48. JP

    I feel sorry for this chick (at least I think this is a female, looks like a shemale). She really doesn’t see how pathetic and insecure this makes her look. Painful.

    • Jillia

      Seriously. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop posting about this oversexualized, attention whoring (which is an understatement) “teen.” It’s just fueling the fire for her to act even more crazy. I have almost no words for her because none of them will do justice to whatever the fuck is going on up there. It’s really, really sick, whether she is actually a teen or not.

      • Satan's bitch

        You don’t honestly think The Superficial is what’s keeping this crazy bitch in the spotlight, do you?

  49. lalalu22

    something tells me this sick game is all masterminded by little Dougie, who drugs this poor retarded girl and quite possibily writes this shit himself. Though I wish I could tear myself away from watching such an obvious mess of a situation, its easier said than done. but i’m shaking my head the entire time.

  50. CranAppleSnapple

    “my luminescent captivation”? That’s a fresh new way to describe a cooch. Gotta give props for that.

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