Courtney Stodden’s Cartoon Tits Hate PetSmart Now Or Some Shit

Because she cares so deeply about the animals that die in PetSmart instead of in someone’s backyard with a shovel after two weeks and their kid’s attention span wears off, Courtney Stodden, her giant fake tits, and PETA teamed up to stage a protest where she dressed up like a cat hooker that got stabbed to death. That probably solved everything, right? So while PetSmart begins the process of sending all of their unsalable animals to kill shelters as a result of PETA’s boycott, let’s turn our attention to the real reason we’re looking at what will eventually be the second sex crime to happen to her since being sold to a pedophile by her mother. She made a song. Goddamnit. Via Fishwrapper:

Today is the day that Stodden’s brand-new single drops on iTunes — and because you know you need this in your playlist forever, you can purchase here — but we’ve got it exclusive for those of you who have ears and who aren’t technologically savvy enough to do yourself the favor of a lifetime (go to school, boo).

I listened to that because I hate myself and I don’t deserve anything good, and was instantly reminded of this:

Pro Tip: Play both of these at the same time and I guarantee you will bleed from the ears and dick. What’s that? Well, yeah, you’ll be hospitalized, but at least you got to leave early on a Friday. Sheesh, you guys don’t appreciate anything I do for you.

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Photo: All Access / AKM-GSI