Courtney Stodden Is A Good Christian Woman

What you’re looking at is sweet, innocent, God-fearing Courtney Stodden enjoying a fine Sunday full of church and some light afternoon shopping. And I was going to write a fictitious tweet about her wholesome day of worship and reverence, but after looking at her Twitter account from the past 48 hours, there’s absolutely no way I can top this shit:

Provocatively preparing my provokingly perky package for a pulsating night filled with puurfect party passion – meow ;)
Had such a satisfying Saturday night – Feeling ready to lock myself up, strip off my wear & bounce into a daring evening of erotic dreams…
Caressing the essence of Christmas with my flirty spirit as I festively dive into a sexy santa suit & jingle my bells to hot holiday hits!
Mr Santa Clause? If I let you seductively slide down my stalking & taste every piece of my candy… will I still be on your naughty list?

Christ. I’m pretty sure that last one counts as a sex crime. Alright, I’ll try one.

Had such a heavenly Sunday at church. I could feel Jesus rising up in me, pulsating my very spirit until my Jingle balls jangled juicily.

(Do child brides say “juicily?” I can’t keep up with these kids and all are their crazy fads. Get off my lawn.)

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News