Courtney Stodden Is A Good Christian Woman

November 28th, 2011 // 155 Comments

What you’re looking at is sweet, innocent, God-fearing Courtney Stodden enjoying a fine Sunday full of church and some light afternoon shopping. And I was going to write a fictitious tweet about her wholesome day of worship and reverence, but after looking at her Twitter account from the past 48 hours, there’s absolutely no way I can top this shit:

Provocatively preparing my provokingly perky package for a pulsating night filled with puurfect party passion – meow ;)
Had such a satisfying Saturday night – Feeling ready to lock myself up, strip off my wear & bounce into a daring evening of erotic dreams…
Caressing the essence of Christmas with my flirty spirit as I festively dive into a sexy santa suit & jingle my bells to hot holiday hits!
Mr Santa Clause? If I let you seductively slide down my stalking & taste every piece of my candy… will I still be on your naughty list?

Christ. I’m pretty sure that last one counts as a sex crime. Alright, I’ll try one.

Had such a heavenly Sunday at church. I could feel Jesus rising up in me, pulsating my very spirit until my Jingle balls jangled juicily.

(Do child brides say “juicily?” I can’t keep up with these kids and all are their crazy fads. Get off my lawn.)

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Little Tongue

    IF she is 17, someone call CPS ASAP…

  2. We are only 9 months away from her making a sex tape where she gets pissed on to catapult her career.

  3. I love this lot lizard’s lexicon of lusty language likely learned by licking the leery old lecher’s balls.

    • Loving the lusty alliteration up in here :D
      Can’t wait to see this so-called 17 year-old sack of herp implode, best part of ‘reality’ bullfuckery is when they’re dropped like bags off dog shit for the next idiot in line for their 15 mins.

  4. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Commented on this photo:

    Courtney’s Teen-Trollop Tip of the Day: Always smooth out your panty lines before entering a house of worship. (I said worship, not whoreship!)

  5. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Jeffiner
    Commented on this photo:

    damn look at his death grip on her arm!

  6. cc

    I have some unholy water for her.

  7. Yagiska

    Courtney Stodden is to alliteration what a windowless van is to free candy.

  8. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Commented on this photo:

    She noticed that something was missing from her ass. His hand.

  9. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Lita
    Commented on this photo:

    Nothing says religion more than dressing like a whore.

  10. rupert

    whore

  11. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    amanda
    Commented on this photo:

    So that’s what Chris Crocker is up to these days,,,,

  12. “Caressing the essence of Christmas”? What does that mean? Snuggling a baby in a barn on a starry night? Or nuzzling a Blue Spruce while people with candles sing ‘O Tannenbaum’?

  13. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Commented on this photo:

    “Mommy, mommy!!! Look! A slut!”
    “Hee-hee!! That’s why The Superficial is in your Favorites list on your kiddy computer, son.”

  14. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh, it’s so good to see a man attending church with his granddaughter.”

  15. Winnie

    Oh my god – did she just insinuate that she’s banging jesus. Crazy Christian Porn. Nasty.

  16. Troutmonkey

    “Package”? She has a dick now? In fact, if you re-read the whole thing, it really does sound much more like a gay dude putting on a faerie act, than a chick trying to talk sexy. “Dive into a sexy santa suit and jingle my bells”? Has to be a publicist writing these, and he probably hates his job so much that he is purposefully making them ridiculous.

  17. Clarence Beeks

    I want to rip that fucking stupid 1995 Pamela Anderson armband off her. She is such a fucking tool.

    • Jack Ketch

      No shit, and as if the clear bra straps aren’t bad enough … reflecto sunglasses ? How very fucking 1970′s, gah … *barfs*

  18. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Commented on this photo:

    “Sir, would you and your…um…’friend’ care to use our hand sanitizer before entering? I’m afraid I’ll have to insist.”

  19. Not much to add to the brilliant comments up here than this ho sack has a curious case of meth mouth. And yes, her skin belongs to a 40-yr-old day shift hooker. The End.

  20. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Normal Male
    Commented on this photo:

    Stripper heels, so she’ll be that much closer to god.

  21. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Normal Male
    Commented on this photo:

    So first the blow job, then the money?

  22. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Normal Male
    Commented on this photo:

    So you’re heading “down there” for marrying me?

  23. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Normal Male
    Commented on this photo:

    “Is this the teen prostitute you’re bringing in to the shelter?”

  24. gumption

    I’m highly perplexed by her bizarre breasts.

  25. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Samantha
    Commented on this photo:

    That leather douche bracelet demands my attention more than her boobs do.

    “Ruefully rocking my luscious leather bracelet while my silly slut of a wife continues to consider herself relevant to society.”

  26. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Samantha
    Commented on this photo:

    That leather douche bracelet demands my attention more than her boobs do.

    “Ruefully rocking my luscious leather bracelet while my silly slut of a wife continues to consider herself relevant to society.” – Dougs Twitter

  27. Ollie

    I am 100% certain that the funny metal band on her arm is some kind of mind control device….

  28. Mandy

    Alliteration is not “sexy” or “edgy”.

  29. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    God is Black
    Commented on this photo:

    That kid is damn cute but the whore and pedobear must have really sacred him(see expression).Love the woman laughing her face off at the losers….

  30. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    HLM
    Commented on this photo:

    I love how he’s always got a death grip on her arm…to stop her from running away as fast as she can.

  31. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    HLM
    Commented on this photo:

    She carries her bible in a Victoria’s Secret bag??

  32. hstabbert

    Mexico is not hard to get to… and surgery is cheap and off the books over there. Man, i’m only a few years older than her and i look more youthful than she ever will!

    I feel so bad and embarrassed for how she’s is exploiting her stupidity. I mean this isn’t just a stunt for media attention, these clothes she wears aren’t just to look ” hot,” this is all because she is that dumb! haha. I mean its like a car crash and i can’t turn away!

    I’m from Seattle and nobody acts/dresses/promotes what she is promoting right now. The thing that’s sad is that she is going to grow up in a few years and realize that she has just created a persona that will follow her around the world until she dies. She will never be able to re-create the way people pres-eve her.

  33. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Jack Ketch
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus Murphy !! Leather pants ?? Is he trying out for The Village People ?? LOL

  34. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    AnnaDraconida
    Commented on this photo:

    That chick in the back makes the appropriate face.

  35. AnnaDraconida

    At least she could’ve went for the gold of a decent-looking man. Dougie looks like hammered dog shit molded into a remotely humanoid shape.

  36. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Charro
    Commented on this photo:

    I believe he writes her tweets, she’s not literate enough to use the words that show up in her tweets.

  37. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Charro
    Commented on this photo:

    “That’s where I keep Doug’s cajones…in there!”

  38. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Charro
    Commented on this photo:

    “NO! I don’t wanna hold your hand! I can walk by myself! I’m a BIG girl now!”

  39. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Charro
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m THIS many!” (when asked what her IQ was)

  40. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Charro
    Commented on this photo:

    She and her madame…I mean, mother…are almost single-handedly keeping Starbucks in business! Does she ever NOT have a coffee in her hand? Or does her mom and dad…I mean, husband!, only allow her chocolate milk, and only if she puts her whoreheels on the right feet on the first try?

  41. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Charro
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s just trying to make sure she doesn’t fall off those shoes. She’s looking down, thinking, “My boobies still there? Yep!”

    • Jwlz

      I think this is exactly why he’s always holding her arm. I don’t think she can walk very well in those shoes she wears and he’s holding her for support.

  42. geee

    This thing is obviously a retarded transgender forty year old man.
    I don’t know what annoys me more; her lame arm band or those sad attempts at rhyming.

  43. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    okiedokey
    Commented on this photo:

    her parents are fuckups.

  44. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Ashland
    Commented on this photo:

    her arms look weird and gross. Nasty

  45. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Commented on this photo:

    Some peoples kids…

  46. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Commented on this photo:

    Mommy, why is that old lady wearing Hannah Montana panties?

  47. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Meanchick
    Commented on this photo:

    Going to church wearing that dress and carrying a Victoria’s secret bag? Is that what she’s putting in the offering basket? Just plain trash.

  48. Barb

    Hahahaha….I actually love reading her hilarious quotes!

  49. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    VEGAN
    Commented on this photo:

    boy with fake boobs and paint
    she could look really nice if that pedo left her alone

  50. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    VEGAN
    Commented on this photo:

    ew leather is as bad as fur, theyre all separate lone standin industries
    shed look young were it not for the tan and boobs

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