Courtney Stodden Is A Good Christian Woman

November 28th, 2011 // 155 Comments

What you’re looking at is sweet, innocent, God-fearing Courtney Stodden enjoying a fine Sunday full of church and some light afternoon shopping. And I was going to write a fictitious tweet about her wholesome day of worship and reverence, but after looking at her Twitter account from the past 48 hours, there’s absolutely no way I can top this shit:

Provocatively preparing my provokingly perky package for a pulsating night filled with puurfect party passion – meow ;)
Had such a satisfying Saturday night – Feeling ready to lock myself up, strip off my wear & bounce into a daring evening of erotic dreams…
Caressing the essence of Christmas with my flirty spirit as I festively dive into a sexy santa suit & jingle my bells to hot holiday hits!
Mr Santa Clause? If I let you seductively slide down my stalking & taste every piece of my candy… will I still be on your naughty list?

Christ. I’m pretty sure that last one counts as a sex crime. Alright, I’ll try one.

Had such a heavenly Sunday at church. I could feel Jesus rising up in me, pulsating my very spirit until my Jingle balls jangled juicily.

(Do child brides say “juicily?” I can’t keep up with these kids and all are their crazy fads. Get off my lawn.)

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Orangish
    Commented on this photo:

    The faces of the people around her as they look at her are priceless.
    And yo, is her grandad (oops, husband) really that broke to the point that they shop at Victoria’s Secret? I thought “celebrities” were a little higher class than that. That’s, like, what high school girls wear.
    Oh wait……..

  2. I Complain A Lot

    I’d bang the 40 year old woman

  3. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    fooey
    Commented on this photo:

    I LOVE that child (the one in the lower left hand corner)

  4. Truth is we would all like to havr her.

  5. I hope she took some money from the collection plate to buy some shoes that fit.

  6. tlmck

    Sounds like most religious people I know. Sin all week and pray for forgiveness on Sunday.

  7. Mooty

    I fucking hate alliteration. Bleeding bastards that bitch needs a boot to the box

  8. jumpin_j

    Not to call BS on her or whoever her twitter writer is, but how the hell does one “festively dive into a sexy santa suit”?

    • jumpin_j

      I don’t even know what that means.

      • Godspeed

        It is definitely not her who writes on her twitter. I am sure it is just a marketer whoring her out to the world. People are so dumb. She’s just playing an idiot for the world. It’s just her persona.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        I’m having no trouble picturing it.

    • Nikki_M

      Have you ever watched an interview with her? She SO wrote that. She is the most disgusting, inappropriate 17 year old I have ever seen in my life. EVER. Lol.

  9. I love the irony of how the child bride calls it her “stalking.”

    • I would just like to say thank you for registering. Now I can find all your comments.

      • MJB

        She must be really into Tim Allen movies to spell it Santa “Clause.” LOL How messed up do you have to be to not know how to spell Santa’s name correctly? I keep forgetting what we’re dealing with here.

      • You’re welcome, Georgio. But…*all* my comments? I only see the last ten.

    • I’m also assuming Santa “Clause” must be totally independent, rather than subordinate, if he’s going to be stalking her.

      I love how illiteracy can be inadvertantly hilarious.

      • Jack Ketch

        +1 … it’s this sort of talk that makes me kind of believe she really is 17. Her pictures confuse me sometimes. Underneath this make-up she DOES look that age, but her godamned neck is not that of a teenager. Also confusing is why she feels the need to put make-up on the top of the fakers. Instead of making them look bigger, it makes you look retarded, comical and so desperately pathetic. Not sure some days if it’s actually meant to BE a comedy routine, her and her “husband.”

      • “You can’t fool me, there ain’t no sanity clause!” – Chico Marx, A Night at the Opera

    • zing

      FRICK MAN THE MARX BROS ARE BOSS
      that’s probably one of my favourite lines of the movie

  10. Ash

    WHAT is with that stupid upper arm bracelet she always wears?!

    • JC

      It’s much less hassle to wear an arm bracelet than finding something to tie off with every time you want to shoot up.

    • Venom

      She wants to emulate Pamela Anderson, but she does not want the nasty trashy tattoo, so kudos to her I guess.

  11. Boy Blunder

    Hmmm face color doesn’t match body color. Looks weird.

  12. stratacat

    i love how in every picture in this gallery, there is someone in the background saying it all with their eyes. nice work, photoboy.

  13. HEY HICK FUCK YOU!

    Gotta hand it to her, she’s pretty literate for a thirty-five-year-old stripper.

  14. Love the Twitter responses. “Wtf is wrong with you? Obviously dropped on your head a few times as a baby.” “I’m really starting to think you have some kind of illness. Do you think sex talk followed by scripture is entertaining?”

  15. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Oscar
    Commented on this photo:

    The face on the girl in back sums up my feelings entirely…

  16. Vivian

    whoa, if she can attend church wearing that I guess I can take two lovers at the same time without my husband ever knowing about it.

  17. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Bazinga
    Commented on this photo:

    Yup. Push up bra.

  18. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Bazinga
    Commented on this photo:

    “Sir, I’m sorry you cant bring that tramp in here!”
    “What do you mean? Haven’t you seen Sister Act?”

  19. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Blech
    Commented on this photo:

    This chick is just gross.

  20. Archies_Leach

    For some reason I don’t consider heidi montag a creeped out whacko so much anymore…..

  21. Deacon Jones

    Oh, I get it. He’s wearing a leather studded cuff thingy to show people he’s hip.
    (goes back to angrily masturbating)

  22. She is so ridiculous and I kind of think it’s awesome. It’s at least awesome for now. I feel like none of this will end well…

    • stratacat

      like it might end in a suitcase, in a dumpster, in an alley, with no face or fingertips, and the only clue is the armband from the quarter machine at wal-mart? yeah, i get that feeling too.

  23. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    staylor
    Commented on this photo:

    Notice how “mom” is always around for the “publicity” shots? Wonder if she perches herself over their “love” bed while he molests her child? Seems so odd. Starting to wonder if Doug is really sleeping with mom but they have a plan to get his name out there by scheming that he is married to her underage daughter. Just seems unreal! Also, couldn’t help but notice the height at which Courtney’s boobs are compared to her mom’s…Getting old is a bitch! Wonder if her mom ever had “choke me out” boobs?

  24. Area Man

    In the event of a water landing. . .

  25. Amelinda

    Oh come on….who ghost writes this crap for her?

  26. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    staylor
    Commented on this photo:

    Notice how he has his hand wrapped around her arm. I was married to an older man (19 y age diff) and I remember that with my ex-husband. Sure sign of possesiveness and insecurity!

  27. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Commented on this photo:

    You need to stop posting about this nasty bitch. It’s bad enough she was front and center ALL weekend.

    • BaccusVD

      I’m 99% sure it’s paid add space. Seriously dunno how much, or why someone would pay to be made fun of but theres no other explanation.

      So I ask photo boy and the other writer HOW MUCH? I can be insufferable and skanky. And a drug addict, and a liar, and poorly dressed, and fat, and untalented like your other subjects.

      HA!

      No seriously I dig this site but there are stories planted and paid for my certain “stars” I use that term loosely.

  28. k-bo

    she seems to have a case of “invisible lat syndrome”

  29. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    kec232
    Commented on this photo:

    Those leather pants are a sin all by them self.

    • Jack Ketch

      He must be trying out for The Village People. And bringing The Whore of Babylon to church, no less.

  30. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    Did the holy water boil away when she touched it?

  31. Juano

    Having a hard time believing she is under twenty. Just look at her arms and hands, they look like those of a 40 or 45 year old woman. So, she’s either a fake or doing something unpleasant to herself to keep what little looks she has from fading.

  32. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Commented on this photo:

    If more women dressed like this to go to church, less young boys would be getting priest-raped.

  33. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Boo
    Commented on this photo:

    With stripper high heals, lots of class there blondie.

  34. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Jetfire
    Commented on this photo:

    Her face looks almost normal in this pic.

  35. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    onos
    Commented on this photo:

    is that person with the stoller behind her brining it along for her when she gets tired and cranky or wittle dougie

  36. Help

    “provokingly perky package”

    WTF!?

  37. Johnny P!

    “Then, later in the service, I felt the Virgin Mary in my Vadge Muffin, the Holy Father in my Horny Fluffer, the Pope in my Pussy, Jesus Christ in my Juicy Cunt, the Ten Commandments in my Trembling Twat, the Twelve Apostles in my Twitching Asshole, Heavenly Blessings in my Heaving Bosom, and Angels in my Armpits. Church is awesome, guys!!!”

  38. My tummy is tumultously turning at the thought of a teen sexually tempting a timeworn turkey.

  39. timmy the dying boy

    I wonder what she’s stuffed into that top to jack up her boobs like that. Sculpy? Plasticine? Caulking? Whatever. Without it her tits would look more like dusty windsocks at an abandoned Kansas airstrip. She’s not aging well; 30-year-olds should still be mostly hanging in there.

  40. Flower

    I wondered where they were. Then, suddenly, on photos 7 and 13….the ever present clear plastic bra straps! Gravity alone cannot elevate those puppies!

  41. Buddy the Elf

    Jesus – even with the multi-layers of pancake makeup she STILL needs more to look decent.

    Give it up hag.

  42. tom

    Seriously, who is she ?

  43. it had to be said

    Her tits are a train wreck. That is all.

  44. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Emma
    Commented on this photo:

    “That’s the biggest Barbie doll I’ve ever seen!”

  45. Jessics

    I hope someone gets her a mirror for Christmas.

  46. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    fibz
    Commented on this photo:

    Please stop perpetuating this chick’s “career”. Just nasty.

  47. Donald Trump

    Those tits are disgusting! Christ they don’t even match the skin tone on the rest of her body.

  48. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    boner
    Commented on this photo:

    Can she just go away?

  49. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Church
    Satan's bitch
    Commented on this photo:

    “No one can see me checking out my fakers if I wear my mirror glasses!”

  50. Swearin

    I kinda wish some crazy old woman took one look at her fake tits & face as she walked into the church, dunked the coffee cup she just happened to have in her purse into the holy water basin and toss that shit at Courtney while screaming the name “Jezebel!” at her repeatedly, then the whole congregation watched as Courtney suddenly burst into flames, revealing the succubus beneath and giving Doug the best defense ever against statutory rape charges.

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