Welcome to Part 1 in our two-part series “Courtney Stodden: Kid Prostitute.” Here she is in Los Angeles fulfilling the sacred rite of passage for starring in a reality show: Canned bikini photos. Except these are way more messed up than anything Heidi & Spencer could ever possibly imagine thanks to the inclusion of airbrushed abs and child bride lap dances. On that note, I’d like to welcome our new Mormon readers to the site, who found us by Googling “child bride lap dances.” The prophet Joseph Smith would be proud according to these gold plates only I can see under my desk so you know I’m not making this up.
Photos: GSI Media
That is so ridiculous looking.
agreed fake
She looks absolutely ridiculous…and yet thinks she looks awesome. Is there anything more painful to see…and yet, more fascinating?
wow, talk about super-padded bikini….
Seriously! I’m not convinced they’re fake. I think she gets them contoured when she gets her abs sprayed on, like drag queens do.
lol yea…that is a victorias secret miraculous bra :) two cup sizes up. she avoids water for a reason…
i thought the same thing when i saw these! it is that bra AND if you look close it looks like she had stuffed it with something else. i can see this sort of nude colored thing near the center, which looks like ANOTHER bra or sticky boobs or something. i think her whole boob is pretty much what we can see sticking out. she’s in great shape, though!
Can someone please figure out if this girl has some sort of aging problem or if she and her family are just big liars. It shouldn’t be that hard to figure out. Her birth certificate should be somewhere. Her face looks at least 35.
Yep. Time to start the Stodden Birther Movement. Anyone with me?
I’m on board with this.
When she says “16″ she means in martian years.
if she’s 17 im 25 (it’s called halving ur age)
Her neck is not that of a 16 year-old … I’d say no older than 34, but at least 28. How’s that ? Something like Crystal Harris, who’s full of Botox at “24.” lol What’s even more hilarious is that she and her family swear up and down that her tits are real. Right …
haha its call baking in tanning beds and not protecting your skin…i know tons of girls from high school who at age 24 look 45 bc of abusing tanning beds and baking in the sun. its disgusting and ages you like crazy, no wonder this girl looks like shes 40. i’ll never understand america’s obsession with being so tan… the results above speak for themselves.
I was gonna say…if that “girl” is 16, she already looks used and abused…too bad she’s already reached her peak
This unfortunate kid has obviously had a abusive and tragic childhood. He mom has no problem whoring her out probably been doing it since she was 5. Her mom and husband should be thrown in jail and she should be sent back to high school. Where is her father in all this?
When she dumps his old ass he’s gonna be in a world of hurt.
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ummmm, yeah, child bride, my arse, more like prostitute trying to “make it” big….what a joke and she’s disgusting!
This poor stupid guy.
He’s gonna get burned so bad.
Yeah, poor stupid pedophile.
That ain’t no child. She’s like….at least in her 20′s. That is not showroom fresh at all.
Lol
Invisible heels
You mean, ‘clear heels’
A padded bra won’t hide nipple. Oh wait why did I say that, great, if this chick really is 17, I expect the paddy wagon to come in 3… 2… why hello officer.
If that bitch is 16 years old, I’m 16 inches long!
Also, how in the hell is it possible for someone to make a bandana look douchier than Brett Micheals?!?
They don’t even look air-brushed, they look drawn on.
Her boobs look glued on.
Oops…are we still pretending her boobs are natural? Or can we all stop that crap and acknowledge what’s being shoved in the camera?
Does she have Benjamin Button disease?
Quite a nice and hot body on her.
If you like plastic.
And a tuck job.
And airbrushing.
And 40 year old skanks.
and teenage skanks.
Assuming you guys don’t like cock, not a single one of you would turn any of those down. But keep convincing yourself you would, it’s cute.
If you like plastic…. (Ew!) And a tuck job… (Yuck!) And airbrushing… (Stupid!) And 40 year old skanks… (Gross!) and teenage skanks…
Now wait a minute, let’s not get hasty here!
I dont know what’s wrong with you people. That hooker should be burned at the stake for being a witch.
Eh, nothing special but I’d still hit it. She’s obviously a little off in the head and it’s well documented that crazy chics are animals in the sack. So yes, I’d have at least one romp with her.
hey, don’t kill me, but I do enjoy a nice pair of fake boobs
Dude looks like a cancer patient.Not that there is anything wrong with that. I guess it’s completely ok to have an encounter with an underaged airbrushed prostitute before your balls shrivel up.
She makes LeAnn Rimes look downright chubby!
I can’t wait to see how this whormance goes.
Dude looks like a cancer patient.Not that there is anything wrong with that. I guess it’s completely ok to have an encounter with an underaged airbrushed prostitute before your balls shrivel up.
“I’m 100% real”. Right. And Lindsay© is 100% clean and sober.
Honey your orange tan and abs are running. *Get the spray paint…..
Do I see a nip slip there?
Her nipples are showing in just about every picture. Well done.
Why would she want him in any of the pictures. She doesn’t need him anymore. She’s made her Lolita point and could just dump him. The show would be better with her just trying to pickup other old fugly celebrity has beens.
When you already have the fake boobs, why do you need to wear the VS miraculous push up bikini??
I was going to say the very same thing. A sheer triangle top would have looked better, but that thing she has got on has about 3 inches of padding in it. I know because I got one and had to send it back. It just looks stupid.
I second that. The only decent people I know who wear those are over 60. More proof that she can’t be 16?
There is so much padding in that bikini top that it doesn’t lie flat against her body. It’s a full two inches away from her ribs and the cups aren’t hiding anything. She’s not fooling anyone. Also…those “abs”. Yeah.
I actually can believe she’s 17 – because no grown woman would actually think that looks good, and that being a skank ho is “sexy”.
I’m glad Mickey Rourke found love.
Nah id go with a joe pesci or a pregnant man. This dude got a career if she ever dumps him to be a groupie.
Every time I see this chick I think two things. 1. In Hollywood it’s apparently acceptable to pay gambling debts with the vagina of your daughter.
2. Why wasn’t I in that poker game?
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HAHAHA. GREAT QUOTE!
You win!
YESSS
Nice tuck job.
I think you can see her nipple. Are we allowed to see her nipple? Like, does that put you on a watch list somewhere?
LMAO!
well, all I know is that when I go to the pool/beach, I too wear 5 inch heels, hair is done, jewelry one and FULL make up….so staged it’s sickening….she is just GROSS!
Somehow I see this all crashing down around them in a few months when the truth finally comes out. Probably some prison time involved for fraud, or at least some lawsuits.
NIPPLE SLIP!!
worst spray “tan” ever.
Dammit, now we’re going to have to airbrush the calves back on her..
Her feet in pic 40 are awesome.
This chick is so horrific looking and having the creeper in the photos just makes it 10 times worse.
What a great post to come back to the States to! A gratuitous partial nip slip (12 and 17) by Courtney Stodden!
God bless the USA!
hey man heard ur hitched.. sorry ur dream team’s lining the nfce cellar floor bwahahahahahaha ;-)
lol, fuck you Dude!
The one thing worse than schlepping all over Europe, looking for bars that have “American Football” games, is watching them get beat when you finally find one!
Uggh.
yup, not photoshop, someone just drew a rectangle on her belly. She’s an idiot and so is the “artist”.
Seriously, if she a dude?
i was wondering the same thing lol
I’ve never known abs to be rectangular.
no shit WTF…this bilge is NOTHING but a waste of precious BANDWIDTH
*is
First of all, her tits go beyond big into grotesque, but these are the first photos I’ve seen where she looks like she might actually be less than 40 years old, possibly even less than 20. And that, kiddies, is what makes the whole tawdry thing disgusting. Pedobear in his glory.
Question: Is “3 1/2″ sign is for the length of his unit, or her IQ?
Answer: It’s for BOTH – combined.
could be a pad! Most 16 year old girls don’t use tampons! Then again since she is at least 35 it might be a tuck!!
Is that nipple on #8 or am I drunk and seeing things again?
Why does she look like Heather from Rock of Love?
I thought the same damn thing since day one!!!
she makes heathers natrual aged self look good!
Just the 21st Centruy version of Charo and Xavier Cugat who married when she was 15 and he was 66.
She’s gross!
Who is this hideous creature?
Who is this chick? She’s gone to the spray-on tanning place a few too many times. Someone should tell her that.
If her abs were really real from working out, then her ass and backside wouldn’t look so squishy. They forgot to paint the backside…
Worst spray tan ever.
I am just waiting till she says everything was a joke because this can’t be real.
Crazy people…