Courtney Stodden Still Believes In America

March 20th, 2012 // 134 Comments
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America has a lot of problems right now. Our gun laws are murderously lax to the point where you can just shoot a black kid for carrying Skittles and get away with it, a legitimate potential presidential candidate literally wants to make porn illegal thanks to every single red state declaring war on the female vagina until it becomes nothing more than a walking cattle chute for babies, and probably most alarming to me because I’m a white male who really doesn’t worry about that other stuff if I don’t want to, our current president has offered to do everything in his power to facilitate the making of an Entourage movie. Except despite all that adversity, this is still a country where a young, once-innocently beautiful girl like Courtney Stodden can watch reality stars on her TV sexualize their way to fame and untold riches and follow in their footsteps by turning herself into an erotic fiction tweeting child-bride that people will swear was born a boy. So we may not get everything right, America, but dammit, we get it right where it count- Holy shit, stray bullet! Quick, hand me a vagina without a baby in it to use as a shield!

Photos: Coleman-Rayner

superficial

  1. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    spartacus
    Commented on this photo:

    Not a fucking clue

  2. Dramatic Puddle

    C’mon, Fish. Your audience doesn’t want to see or hear about this skank. Stop acting like Perez Hilton by ignoring what we want: No more Stodden.

    • CranAppleSnapple

      But in these days of stress and trouble I think we can all join together to have a good chuckle at Courtney’s expense! There’s something to be said for pointing and laughing. Takes the edge off.

  3. turd da third

    Stick a big suction cup dildo to the top of the surfboard, I bet she would then stay on it fine and be able to ride the big one….

  4. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    mark
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s a trainwreck and very unappealing.

  5. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Dom
    Commented on this photo:

    He ass is disappointing compared to the rest of her body. It’s too flat for me.

  6. Catcher Phillips

    I saw her there in Malibu.. She is way hot in person.

  7. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    diaz
    Commented on this photo:

    her ass is as flat as a pancake… pretty much non existent… how is that a nice ass?

  8. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    ToriLyn
    Commented on this photo:

    I like a girl i can hang out to, so i guess the tits would work IF they weren’t fake, so really she has nothing to offer me that i’d desire. but that was a hilarious and well written blog post.

  9. It's the kimkim, bitches

    Jesus lady! Quit padding your fucking tits and just work with what you’ve got! Dumbass bitches!

  10. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    vgirly
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s still wearing those chicken cutlets to make her boobs look bigger. The zoom function confirmed it for me. Don’t tell me your sugar daddy can’t afford them for you?

  11. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    will dent
    Commented on this photo:

    Hot!!!!!

  12. These are the dumbest pics I have ever seen! It’s like me putting on scrubs and thinking i’m a doctor. What surfer would wear that suit? it would be off after one wave. This chick is beat!

  13. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Commented on this photo:

    Arm Cuff? The 90′s called…

  14. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Panty Thief
    Commented on this photo:

    this broad is so hopelessly average. It was mildly intriguing when she was a child bride, but the second she turns 18 she ceases to be remotely intriguing.

  15. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    MissBoelyn
    Commented on this photo:

    How many more times is this dumb twat going to go out in bikinis where her bra-stuffing is showing? fuck. every single pic I see of this chick, you can see her wonderbra components.

  16. It is a sad day indeed the one you find yourself missing the poise and class of one Heidi Montag.

  17. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Sassy
    Commented on this photo:

    What an extreme skank!!!!

  18. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Mick
    Commented on this photo:

    So I grab this big long thingie, walk out in the water with it, put it down so they can take pics of me surfing! Wait, this thing floats?

  19. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Jager
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, we all can get new boobs (love mine) but only some of us can figure out the correct tone of foundation to plaster on our faces!

  20. ELLIE

    LORD HAVE MERCY I THOUGHT SHE WENT OUT TO PLAY IN THE TRAFFIC,. HAVE NOT SEEN HER UGLY FACE IN AGES AND THOSE TWO FAKE BUCKETS HANGING OFF HER CHEST. GAG ME WITH A SPOON. SEND HER BACK OUT TO PLAY IN THE TRAFFIC OR WHATEVER. RATHER LOOK AT OTHERS WHO ARE NORMAL.

  21. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Superdouche
    Commented on this photo:

    So does she actually even surf? Or just run around posing with a board while people take pictures? She must have realized her make up will wash off if her face gets wet…

  22. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Paul
    Commented on this photo:

    thank you god

  23. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Tashasha
    Commented on this photo:

    Was she in Elle recently? I’m prttey sure the fashion spread I was flipping through today had her in it. Usually I zip right past fashion spreads in magazines, but something about her face had me stop and stare at her. I don’t know if I think she’s prttey or not, but she is definitely interesting to look at.

  24. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    I'm 8yrs old
    Commented on this photo:

    “HOT DAMN”!!! I could die by suffication between those prime WATERMELONS…

  25. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    I'm 8yrs old
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d bone that YOUNG ASS, silly!

  26. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    The Most Interesting
    Commented on this photo:

    C’mon! Like half the audience here doesn’t already fap to her SFW pics…

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, she *is* in a receiving position…

  27. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Audrey Jo
    Commented on this photo:

    SO she was 16/17 in the “dear Santa” shoot?
    I should stop thinking my college’s son girlfriend is a slut.

  28. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Scott Disick's love child
    Commented on this photo:

    Who the fuck is this whore??

  29. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Shark
    Commented on this photo:

    Sorry Miss, you’re cited for criminally excessive vamping. You can accept a fine, incarceration, or you can make one or more porn flicks…guess which one we prefer?

  30. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow!

  31. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Commented on this photo:

    Wish I was the on tied to her ankle.

  32. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Commented on this photo:

    That is exactly the perfect position for a woman like this.

  33. Courtney Stodden Bikini Surfing
    Commented on this photo:

    I wouldproudly run that up my flag pole.

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