Courtney Love Is Lindsay Lohan’s Sober Coach

November 30th, 2011 // 60 Comments

If you’re wondering how Lindsay Lohan‘s sobriety is going, terrible. It’s going fucking terrible. Probably the worst you could possibly think of it going. Via Independent Woman:

Courtney Love has claimed she is Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety coach.
… “I’ve taken up Lohan because nobody else will. She’s further down the line than I was, because there was no [gossip website] TMZ then,” she told Details magazine.
Courtney didn’t reveal any more details of her relationship with Lindsay, and the younger star has not yet commented on the report.

Much like Charlie Sheen, I’ve pretty much reconciled myself with the fact that Lindsay Lohan will never die because God secretly loves drug addicts. But if there somehow is a way she can be killed, I’m pretty sure it’s going to be this. This should do it.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Randy Quaid looks horrible.

  2. Dude of Dudes

    Seems legit. Pablo Escobar was Charlie Sheen’s life coach and that turned out ok. For both of them…

  3. Dude of Dudes

    Old man…Those lips and what’s under that dress has been rumored to cause men to shotgun their faces off. Stick to the Jager my friend.

  4. Kirstie Alley is Jessica Simpson’s eating coach.

  5. Tom

    They’re the highest names on one another’s dead pools, too! This is going to be like Christmas and 9-11 had a baby!

  6. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    Wrinkled, disheveled dress, breast exposed, hair a mess… clearly Grizzly Adams wasn’t her first Jon of the night. Obviously not her last….

  7. Isn’t that the old guy from Taxi?

  8. Robin Williams looks like shit.

  9. Frank Burns

    I didn’t know the Gorton’s Fisherman had an addiction problem.

  10. your mom

    I find it impossible to believe anyone is ‘further down the line’ than she has ever been.

  11. slappy magoo

    Courtney Love. Robin Williams. The Fisher King 2: The FIshering.

  12. Beefarino

    Robin Williams never looked better.

  13. Frank Burns

    Just as interesting is that Fish apparently reads “Independent Woman”. What’s the matter Fish, your copy of “Sassy Girl Journal” late this week? Hahahahaha!!

  14. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Robin Williams doesn’t dress up at all when he goes someplace.

  15. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    Frugal Gourmet
    Commented on this photo:

    When will she realize no one wants to see them?

  16. The Royal Penis

    In related news, Newt Gingrich is Herman Cain’s sexual addict mentor.

  17. Venom

    Hell why not just hand her over to Charlie Sheen the end result would be faster.

  18. Courtney Love being Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety coach is like Adolf Hitler tutoring her in race relations.

  19. kimmykimkim

    Awesome. This would be like my drunk aunt being my sober coach or vice versa. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that a “sober coach” is more like a glorified drug dealer and less of a sponsor, perhaps. But, really, this just might be the funniest shit I’ve heard in weeks.

  20. stratacat

    in other news, dina lohan is adopting courtney stodden.

  21. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    I cannot imagine why Kurt Cobain killed himself.

  22. Yeah, LiLo is screwed!!!!

  23. Any Guy

    PLEASE BE A TRUE STORY! that means both of these pigs will be off the planet in the next few years. FINGERS CROSSED!

  24. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    blonde
    Commented on this photo:

    Totally thought she was doing duck-lips with Robin Willipoo

  25. EricLr

    No one has had the heart to break it to Courtney that her meeting with Lindsey was just a hallucination.

  26. Rapsutin's Evil Twin

    Somewhere in Middle America, there’s a state filled with non-evil twins. Some are named Lohan, some Love, maybe Kardashians (too uncaring to remember how it’s spelled). But L.A. is where the evil ones go. There, and Long Island.

    Trust me, I know a lot about this topic.

  27. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    Ballin Collin
    Commented on this photo:

    free nip!

  28. Donald Trump

    Oye Vey! Those tits!

  29. MarkM

    What an awful looking, decrepite, smelly old homeless person! And why is she bothering that guy with the beard?

  30. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    I'm A Jerk
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s Radioman, you cretins.

  31. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    orpheus_lost
    Commented on this photo:

    Next up on ABC, it’s a Mork and Mindy are reunited for a very special Christmas on Earth!

  32. Mama Pinkus

    why does she feel the need to display the silicone flapjacks she calls boobs – it is disgusting

  33. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    JustHereForTheLaughs
    Commented on this photo:

    Scariest boobs ever.

  34. *Yawn*

    Leave Jessica ALOOOONNNNNEEEE!!!!! … (sob, sniffle.)

  35. *Yawn*

    I mean, “Courtney” –

  36. *Yawn*

    They all start to run together …

  37. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    Kissinger
    Commented on this photo:

    He is on 30 Rock. I think he is more famous and loved then she is. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0144425/

  38. jen

    are we sure “taking up lohan” isn’t just crazy kid slang for taking up more hard drugs?

  39. SpaceGeneral

    Maybe it’s just me … ok, it’s just me but I’ll shoot her up. She looks like a fanatical cum-junkie.

  40. LJ

    The only thing that would be better than this story being true would be this story being true and Courtney Love starts dating Michael Lohan.

  41. Persistent Cat

    That’s the same man who plays the homeless person on 30 Rock.

  42. Mr Obvious

    Wow, Randy Quaid is trading up from his wife Evi. I can’t believe I actually said that Courtney Love is a trade up, but tits are tits.

  43. TheAdmiral

    This’ll go about as well as when Kurt Cobain was Dick Cheney’s safety instructor.

  44. forrest gump

    well, this is the best thing since Jesus Christ “landed”.

  45. Rob

    Why would you want her to die? Easy to write for, but I know why…you’re inhumane.

    • Rapsutin's Evil Twin

      Damnit! It’s either her, or us, and we outnumber her. It’s time she’s put out of our misery.

      I’m no longer sure if the “she” is Love or Lohan, and it doesn’t matter anymore. How about a two for the price of one?

  46. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    Gary
    Commented on this photo:

    Moon Vest! “Gimme yer fingernails!”

  47. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Curse you new zoom feature! Curse you and my traitor clicking finger. Now I’m off to Amazon to see if eyeball wash is a real thing.

  48. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    Commented on this photo:

    Wonky boobs :/

  49. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    TaT
    Commented on this photo:

    Ewwwwww!! Did that implant deflate right in front of the camera?

  50. Courtney Love Cleavage Lindsay Lohan Sobriety Coach
    achilles wrath
    Commented on this photo:

    A batshit insane drug addict with boobies!

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