Courtney Stodden’s New Single Sexily Sashays Onto Store Shelves (I Hate Myself)

May 1st, 2012 // 115 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

Since we now exist in a reality that includes Lindsay Lohan method-acting her Lifetime network role as Elizabeth Taylor, Octomom getting paid to flick the bean and Kim Kardashian as a possible mayoral candidate, why not toss Courtney Stodden‘s music career into the mix, effectively flicking a lit match onto the whole gasoline soaked pile of what used to be American culture. Radar has the story of how a vacuous brain-washed pseudo-child can become famous in this country for saying things like “I’m really excited about the new song. I’m working with a couple of really sexy producers!”:

The 17-year-old Teen Bride has released her newest song, which she says is all about lust!

Holy Cow!! Honestly though, who knows more about lust than an old transvestite lady pretending to be a kid married to what is ostensibly a clever child predator who happened to find a loophole in those pesky laws attempting to prevent pedophilia? Oh no, I think I just back-doored myself (Fellas? Ladies?) into a logical explanation of why this song makes perfect sense. EJECT!


Photo: Splash News

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  1. Mama Pinkus

    I feel sorry for her; she doesn’t seem to have any sense of self outside of her life-sized plastic Barbie look

  2. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    nelle
    Commented on this photo:

    Just killing time in the sporting goods section while they fill her Valtrex prescription.

  3. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    BWong
    Commented on this photo:

    Who the hell goes to Target dressed like this?!

  4. hhh

    Suppose Courtney Stodden saw that episode of 30 Rock with Abby Flynn and thought “I can do this.” The timing matches up.
    Wishful thinking, I know.

  5. Tee

    I’m perplexed…who is taking these photos? I mean, do they hire a photog to follow them around?

  6. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Commented on this photo:

    Uh-oh, Doug. The flower on the right side of her head means she’s single and looking.

  7. kimmykimkim

    Holy shit, that’s not even a dress. That’s one of those extra long tank tops or some shit! Meaning, normal people wear leggings or skinny jeans or something under that with something more on top. It’s a layering piece. I’m pretty sure that’s what she’s wearing anyway. But then again, I don’t shop at establishments that sell hookerwear. So perhaps that IS a dress.

  8. kimmykimkim

    Haha! Did anybody else notice it PB spelled it “Courntey”? Haha!

  9. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    weaselmouse
    Commented on this photo:

    They have sex. Think about that for a second. Then barf your brains out.

  10. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    amy
    Commented on this photo:

    I doubt they actually have sex. She just wants to get her name out there for her singing career (…..), and perhaps he thought he could get back in the news since he hasn’t had any acting gigs of late.

    What better way to get back in the news than to fake a marriage that borders on pedophilia,

  11. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    amy
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m digging the loofah attached to her bag. I didn’t realize they were now a fashion accessory.

  12. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Urvag
    Commented on this photo:

    The wife beater “dress” is a nice look for some light shopping at Target. I could only imagine what she would wear to a Chuck E Cheese.

  13. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Urvag
    Commented on this photo:

    This is people of Walmart material. Not target.

    • CranAppleSnapple

      Eep! That reminds me, I once went to a Walmart in West Virginia! If anyone has seen the movie Wrong Turn, I think that particular Walmart was where all the cannibal inbreds were shopping that day. I seriously thought they were going to eat me.

  14. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Urvag
    Commented on this photo:

    Hooker shirt-check. Gallon of makeup-check. Spray tan-check. Creepy old dude to follow me while holding my purse-check. Sounds like a nice Sunday trip to Target!

  15. Lolli

    dude, she needs to eat a damn sandwich…gross.

  16. Crissy

    OMFG! Holy auto tuner! BTW,

  17. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Crissy
    Commented on this photo:

    Quick, Security!!! This lesbian is walking out with one of the mannequins!

  18. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Famous Plastic
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s sort of funny and sort of disturbing how disgusted she is with that guy.

  19. SilentStar

    The song is really not much worse than most of the pop music crap on the charts these days. (And that’s not a compliment to Courtney — it’s a criticism to pop music nowadays.)

  20. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Don Corleone
    Commented on this photo:

    I want to eat her underage things…

  21. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    biff lohman
    Commented on this photo:

    um, like where do you guys keep the stripper poles?

  22. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    biff lohman
    Commented on this photo:

    sweetie, i told you, stripper poles are in the housewares section, not sporting goods.

  23. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Dan
    Commented on this photo:

    All girls should be a skanky ho in the bedroom, but at Target? C’mon! Her husband fails to realize that having such a young wife only makes him look older. Too bad he doesn’t have it in him to teach his wife how to dress with a little bit of class….. Hopefully she’ll grow up and get wiser to this attention hog of a man.

  24. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    doni
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s either some magic angle or she is freakishly proportioned!

  25. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Commented on this photo:

    Can we stop giving this bitch the attention she so desperately craves so she can melt back into oblivion please?

  26. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s quite obvious that no one would be attracted to her if they saw her at Target on La Brea. Obviously. I mean, if I saw her there I might have walked into a wall but I’m sure I would have been the only one. What is wrong with me?! I think I have to run to Target.

  27. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    pippincat
    Commented on this photo:

    I hate it when my vagina falls out at Target.

  28. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Commented on this photo:

    clearly a candid photo. not contrived whatsoever–that’s what i like about it.

  29. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Commented on this photo:

    As she purses her lips and sashayes quietly in the night, she’s really thinking, “BUT I WANT A GOLDEN GOOSE NOOOOOW!!!!”

  30. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Commented on this photo:

    Thank God she didn’t forget her pink shower luffa.

  31. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    elrod
    Commented on this photo:

    is she flirting with her own mother?

  32. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    anon
    Commented on this photo:

    he’s not even attractive. how that pedophile got a 16 year old bitch to marry him i’ll never understand.

  33. court

    she wrote this song with the word “real” in it a billion times in order to prove that she can actually pronounce the word.

  34. court

    oops! she still says rill.
    “this feels rill rill riller than re-ill-it-ty”

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