Courtney Stodden’s New Single Sexily Sashays Onto Store Shelves (I Hate Myself)

May 1st, 2012 // 115 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

Since we now exist in a reality that includes Lindsay Lohan method-acting her Lifetime network role as Elizabeth Taylor, Octomom getting paid to flick the bean and Kim Kardashian as a possible mayoral candidate, why not toss Courtney Stodden‘s music career into the mix, effectively flicking a lit match onto the whole gasoline soaked pile of what used to be American culture. Radar has the story of how a vacuous brain-washed pseudo-child can become famous in this country for saying things like “I’m really excited about the new song. I’m working with a couple of really sexy producers!”:

The 17-year-old Teen Bride has released her newest song, which she says is all about lust!

Holy Cow!! Honestly though, who knows more about lust than an old transvestite lady pretending to be a kid married to what is ostensibly a clever child predator who happened to find a loophole in those pesky laws attempting to prevent pedophilia? Oh no, I think I just back-doored myself (Fellas? Ladies?) into a logical explanation of why this song makes perfect sense. EJECT!


Photo: Splash News

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  1. argleblargle

    It’s like some dude watched Connie and Carla and said “I can top that!” (and then failed horribly)

    • XD

      I think she was watching Heidi Montag’s old video and thought, “if that vapid blonde can do this, so can I! Honey, get me Rebecca Black’s auto-tuner!!

    • Archie Leach

      For some reason I’m grown a yearning for heidi and spencer.

  2. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Jack Ketch
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that a smile ? How frightening. That is just bloody scary. Yikes. And ewww. Can she not just wear normal clothes ? Like jeans and a t-shirt, or … something normal that isn’t all about her fake tits spilling all over the place or those fucking stripper heels ?

  3. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Chiefs420
    Commented on this photo:

    Most fuckable I’ve ever seen her look

  4. it had to be said

    It is about lust. She remembers lust from when she was 17. It was 1980, and it was Morning in America . . .

  5. catapostrophe

    Kudos for using the ten-point word, but it’s spelled v-a-c-u-o-u-s.

  6. wb

    every time I see her I think of Jessica Rabbit. a poorly drawn cartoon character.

  7. boing

    Must be from the same people that make Lights sound half decent.

  8. OK I think even more disturbing is Photo Boy’s reference to Octomom flicking her bean.
    1. We know it’s more like a lemon.
    2. Oh wow, I will need 3 liters of bleach to remove that image from my mind.

  9. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    Dude looks like an old butch!

  10. Mortimer

    I wonder if these two sit at home at night and compete about who hates themselves the most.

    • Jack Ketch

      I’ve often wondered what they talk about period, never mind at night. Can you imagine the brain cells between the two of them ?? *wrinkles forehead and raises one eye* I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall after that fucking disastrous Dr. Drew show that exposed her implants and embarrassed everyone. Whoopsie.

  11. Lita

    She’s more shite work done on her face. Explains why she hasn’t been whoring herself out for the past couple of months. Gotta let that swelling go down.

  12. LegMan

    That dress is way too long.

  13. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Dingo
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d feel pretty awkward bringing a prostitute along on my daily errands

  14. Can

    I can make a song, too! I take two iphones, connect a call, then take a bullhorn and sing the crescendo of “I Will Always Love You” in to said bullhorn, direct the phones at each other until it makes feedback, then funnel that through an autotune machine. It’s lusciously lustful and lubricious.

  15. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Jess
    Commented on this photo:

    I love this chic.
    She fucking makes my day.

  16. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    WhiteChick
    Commented on this photo:

    Who wears that shit to Target??

  17. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    BigL
    Commented on this photo:

    Whores of Target.

  18. El Jefe

    I’d bang her, she is not bad looking and actually listen to her song, it is not bad. She does not sound any different than Britney Spears or Katy Perry to be honest. In the category of not real singers she fits right in perfectly.

    People hate on this chick, but I guarantee that 100% of the men would bang her in a second if she said she wanted to and quite a few women also. She is better than the fat nasty Kardashians or Jersey Shore garbage.

    • it had to be said

      Maybe, but only anal or oral. Couldn’t risk having to deal with her until a kid goes off to college.

    • YoMamma

      You’d bang Courtney Fuckin Stodden but not Charlize Theron? Got it – your white van is double parked.

      • El Jefe

        Damn Charlize, I really fucked your head up. I don’t remember or give a shit about you fucker’s comments from one post to the next but your loser ass is obsessed with comments from over a week ago by one person? How fucking lame are you?

        I am sorry you are some old ass sensitive middle aged chick that no guys want to fuck anymore, but get the fuck over it and move on bitch.

      • YoMamma

        Don’t flatter yourself – I just like to keep track of the pedos. Just like I’m sure your neighbors do.

      • browny

        your apostrophe is in the wrong place, it’s you fuckers’ (because it’s plural)… Go Yo Mama…hehehehehe.

      • What a dickhead you are. Is “old ass sensitive middle aged chick that no guys want to fuck anymore” the only come back you have in your repertoire? Dude, everyone grows old and unless you’re extremely handsome (beauty is fleeting, i tell ya) or have a lot of acquisition power (that means money, you retard), you’re going to grow old too (with soggy and wrinkly balls nonetheless) and as such, the only people you’re going to be able to fuck (if you’re lucky) are middle aged chicks, so do me a favor and shut the fuck up. fucking loser.

    • I kinda lean towards agreeing with you, El Jefe. I’ve definitely heard much worse caterwauling that was mis-named “music”, and I’ve seen many women who are not as shapely. I suspect she might even be a fun poke if one could get her out of those ridiculous stiletto heals and induce her to speak like a real person.

    • Katy Perry writes her own songs and has talent. This silicon nut-job is totally full of crap. I wouldn’t listen to her laughable music if it was the only sound I could hear, I’d rather go def. This auto-tuned crap is terrible. I’d rather listen to nails on a chalkboard.

  19. Frank Burns

    Hey dudes, Courtney’s new single is out, so pedo-file into music stores and get it now. Purchase is statutory for all Courtney’s fans! You can also book a live performance – just call our marketing director Chris Matthews about meeting a Courtney look-alike in person. Its so good you’ll want to report to local police about it every time you change addresses! Brought to you by Legal Isn’t Moral productions.

  20. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Archie Leach
    Commented on this photo:

    Will I have to spend a lot of time in purgatory for thinking that I’d actually want to nail this Courtney slut?

  21. Brooke

    Even in her song she pronounces “real” like “rill”. I rilly wish she’d go away.

  22. Vandinz

    NO.FUCKING.THANKS! She is a hound.

  23. CardSnark

    Wait, she’s a lesbian now? Who’s the old chick in the hat?

  24. Deacon Jones

    Well, given I’m predisposed to lusting after skanky strippers and straight up sluts in college, this girl makes my pecker hard.

    “Don’t do me like that girl, don’t do me like that girl, don’t do me like that girl….no, no, no no no no

    (I’d be lying if I said I never cranked one out to this video)

  25. [img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/01/randall010808-300_460.jpg[/img]
    Ah, the good ol’ days…

  26. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuck the marriage license – I want to see the contract each made the other sign.

  27. Bonky

    She looks like some kind of pleasure cyborg. I want to bang her but I’m a little scared.

  28. Dude of Dudes

    Fucking autotuned horseshit. Porn and STFU. But STFU first.

  29. KateinVA

    Wow. That song required more machinery than a sweatshop in China.

  30. I was so sure the lyrics were going to be:

    Tits on a stick,
    Tits on a stick,
    Lookin’ like a fool with yo’ tits on a stick.

    You got your fake orange tan,
    Your pedophile spouse,
    You’re lookin’ like a fool with yo’ tits on a stick.
    Put some pants on!

  31. Another skeletor with oversized fake tits to distract from the fact that she has no hips and legs like toothpics.

  32. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    mikael
    Commented on this photo:

    yep. he still looks like a lezbo.

  33. anonym

    this is a perfect couple.

    sexually, she needs a daddy figure, and he needs a daughter figure.

    both are untalented. Perfect match.

    I have to applaud Stodden for taking away the spotlight from Heidi. She needs to lay off the spray on tans though.

  34. anonym

    I listened to her song, and I was expecting my ears to bleed.
    But I must admit, Courtney’s voice sounds the best out of all the fame whore bimbos.
    Even with all the autotune, it sounds better than that Friday song.

    I put it a notch above Paris Hilton’s.
    Certainly more ‘talented’ than Kim kardashian.

  35. cc

    She powders her ass with that pink poof.

  36. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s fake, stupid, and tawdry, but her legs and ass look pretty damn good in these pics.

    • Sure, if you’re attracted to children with fake tits.

      • She’s not a fucking child. She’s just 3+ months shy of 18 years old, and where I come from that is considered an adult. Hell, she’ll be able to vote in the upcoming election.

        Children don’t vote unless it on what movie to watch or what flavor of ice cream to eat.

      • court

        pretty sure those are the biggest issues plaguing her in life still….
        what ever president offers more tv channels and more ice cream wins!!!!! yaaaayyyY!

  37. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Natalie
    Commented on this photo:

    ah yes, but their marriage has still lasted longer than most hollywood types,LOL

  38. Dramatic Puddle

    She looks like she never bathes; bet the smell between those legs is horrendous. I’d rather do Rosie.

  39. Flavius

    Based upon her attire, I’d say that she’s one wrong move away from an indecent exposure charge.

  40. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Dani
    Commented on this photo:

    Jeez, what a sight!! Completely laughable.

  41. Jade

    Looking at her reminds me of Dolly Parton saying “You want to know what’s fake about me? The better question would be: what is real?”

  42. da punisha

    OMg ya’ll! That song was FAB!!!

  43. lawn

    I made it through 32 seconds, can anybody beat that?

  44. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Vinjel
    Commented on this photo:

    That bitch took out her rid bones to get that hourglass waist
    I know how plastic surgeries work

  45. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Dirk Diggler
    Commented on this photo:

    is she with her mom ?

  46. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    illconceived
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like the honeymoon phase wore off.

  47. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Commented on this photo:

    “Dougie, get in the kiddy seat in the cart.”
    “Can’t make me.”

  48. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Grand Poobah
    Commented on this photo:

    nice tits, big shame about the tranny face

  49. angryserver

    I made it through 10 seconds of the song and thought it was Forgiveness from Just Friends… but worse…

  50. Courtney Stodden Cleavage Legs Minidress Doug Hutchison Target
    Joey
    Commented on this photo:

    I mean seriously…. you fuck this once, ok, you see the bouncing tits, shaved snatch and bleached asshole… ok. You fuck it again, you see the same thing, You fuck it again, you see the same thing. Sooner or later it HAS to get old seeing a barbie doll on your lap.

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