Christians Hate ‘Cosmos?’ How Unexpected

Unless you live in a cave and/or are home-schooled, you’re probably aware that on Sunday night FOX, of all networks, relaunched Cosmos, the beloved Carl Sagan series, thanks to Seth MacFarlane who was instantly on board after being pitched the show by Neil deGrasse Tyson. It signaled a new age of rejuvenating scientific curiosity after decades of becoming a stupider nation by the minute. So naturally the people responsible for said dumbening aren’t too pleased that the show presented the Big Bang as the creation of our universe when everyone knows it happened like this:

1. “Umm… universe, on!” – God
2. Men be like, “Bitch, we don’t need no more apples.” Women be like, “We eatin’ them damn apples.”
3. Menstruation.
4. The real Garden of Eden: The 1950s.

Boom. History of the world unlike the lies on your television box which my Christian brethren will tell you all about:

The Fundamentalist Christian Reaction To Last Night’s “Cosmos” Debut – The Daily Banter

And here’s Chocolate Space Satan trying to corrupt Stephen Colbert:

Photos: Getty