Colin Farrell is married

June 2nd, 2006 // 102 Comments

Colin Farrell was photographed with some fans recently sporting a wedding band which suggests he may have already married girlfriend Lake Bell. Or maybe he just likes wearing wedding bands because it helps him forget he’s a man whore. “What sex tape? No, I don’t sleep with a different dirty girl every other night. I’m married. As you can clearly tell from this thing I have on my finger.”



  1. Errrika

    First? I use to think he was hot, now I just think he’s icky.

  2. Binky

    My sources tell me he married a bottle of Bushmills – shotgun – in the Fall of 2003.

  3. Fisher55

    well it’s about fucking time, superfish people


  4. I think it’s just to convince young girls that he’s married,trustworthy and “not going to force them to cover themselves in vaseline, and ride a donkey backwards while he watches and sings the theme song to ‘my little pony’”… because he’s really not going to do that… really.

  5. He looks kind of like Jim Carrey in that picture–a manwhorish, chain-smoking, foul-mouthed version, that is.

    That or Guy Smiley from Sesame Street.

  6. Fisher55

    that’s no ring, he just didn’t wash his hands after handplowing the fatty on the right

  7. Jacq

    Uhhh, from the looks of the girls in that picture, he ain’t married.
    That or else he won’t be wearing his pants or that ring for very long.

    #1 – Took the words right out of my mouth.

  8. blueballs

    ooh ooh i am 6th!!!

    I hope he makes another sex tape with his wife.

  9. blueballs

    damn it..make that 8th..

  10. Fisher55

    he looks more like the Desparate Housewives gardener here

  11. Fisher55

    wait….handplow, gardener…i’m sensing a theme

  12. Dr.Rokter

    #7 Looking at those girls’ pictures, you can tell they’re both in MENSA.

  13. Jacq

    They finally feed us and THIS is what we get?!

    He’s so grosso that I think I need a shower now – not including the fact that I didn’t take one this morning.

  14. BoredBlonde

    I’D HIT IT!! ohhhhhhhhh COLIN

  15. krisdylee

    The chick in the dark shirt appears to be pressing her tits against him in hopes of him pressing his cock into her vagina.

  16. Ari

    Hmm… slow gossip day, I suppose.

  17. blueballs

    the look on Colin’s face is “Fuck, I am married. I can’t bang these two girls in the arse and make them blow me like my dick is the blarney stone.

  18. Seneca Fell

    #10 he does NOT look like the gardener from DH (jesse metcalfe) here. jesse metcalfe is a beautiful, beautiful man. colin farrell is chlamydia in human form.

    also, i think he’s wearing the ring because it goes with the outfit, which makes him look like a responsible adult, kind of. not really. i don’t believe it for a second. i think he’s trying on marriage to see what it looks like, and failing to realize that marriage means you’re not supposed to pick up bimbos outside of bars.

  19. 94LT1

    The girls are hot but holy eyebrows Batman!

  20. krisdylee

    I liked Colin on SNL, his Bono impression was fuckin’ hysterical!

  21. PapaHotNuts

    I wonder what he smells like? I bet someone on here knows.

  22. viewaskewniverse

    He looks like my dad’s tax accountant.

  23. Jacq

    #12 – If by that you mean Meaty, Eager, Nubile Sex Addicts, I can totally see that.

    #15 – It looks kinda like how Joe Simpson hugs Jessica. Or tries to.

  24. ellaminnowpea

    …dressed like that???….looks like he’s taking the hobags to swing by and pick up K-Fart for a double date on the town!

    Looks like somebody’s sharing a stylist…

  25. Fisher55

    18, another difference: jesse metcalfe is totally gay, so unless you sport cock, keep dreaming

  26. Dr.Rokter

    #21 He smells like the plastic teeth the dentist uses to show you what happens in your mouth when you’re not looking.

  27. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I once asked Colin Farrell for a ring and he put one around my eye.

  28. Fisher55

    i once asked Colin Farrell for a ring and he gave me ringworm, which is just not the same

  29. Seneca Fell


  30. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I once asked Colin Farrell for his number and he threw a phone at my head.
    Then he made #2 on my face.
    True story.

  31. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Wait, that might’ve been Russell Crowe.
    I get them confused.

  32. pinky_nip

    I once asked Colin for a ring and he slipped off his cockring and threw it in my martini.

  33. dimestoredetective

    great tits on the dark haired whore

  34. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I once asked Colin Farrell for a ring, and he put an onion ring in my g-string, slapped my ass, and told the DJ to play “Shout at the Devil” again. I think we should stop serving fried snacks at the Pink Pony.

  35. DancingQueen

    # 21 – I bet he smells just like me frosted lucky charms. If the leprechaun on the box smoked Marlboros and drank Jamison all day that is…

  36. ellaminnowpea

    hmmfph! Colin Farrell gave me a ring….around my bathtub! flithy, slimy bloke!

  37. Toonlite

    the thing on his finger is fungus….or Irish gold…turns green as it ages…which is a couple weeks….give or take a day or two…..

  38. jackspratling

    # 35 No, Colin smells like his frosted lucky charms– In otherwords, like the combined vaginal secretions of those two tartlets in the photo with him.

  39. Italian Stallion

    I once asked Colin for a ring, and he gave it to me……Then I kicked his ass and called him a faggot…….true story

  40. Did he lose his chunky weight yet?

  41. eightiesbaby

    Colin married, no way. He’s wearing that wedding band to attract even more girls. You know how the dirty ones are, they love a married man with money! Even if he is a man whore.

  42. Sonya

    Those girls look waaaay too happy, considering they’ve probably contracted multiple STD’s.

  43. Fa Cube Itches

    21: Unsurprisingly, he smells like beer and cigarettes. They filmed some of his scenes from Daredevil at a bar in Santa Monica, and he’d hang out there periodically. Nice enough guy, utbya otnay ootay ightbray, though.

  44. Fa Cube Itches

    er, utbay. Love trying to type with a wrist brace on.

  45. PapaHotNuts

    I asked him for a ring, and he gave me The Ring Two, which wasn’t nearly as good as the first.

  46. Seneca Fell

    #36, nice job.

  47. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I asked Colin Farrell to stop fucking my sister because I knew he had the AIDS, and he hit me over the head with a bottle of Jameson, which by proxy caused my ears to ring.

  48. Wild Rose

    Fresh story, fresh jokes…enthusiastic applause!

  49. pinky_nip

    @44: It’s hard to type with one hand in your pants.

  50. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I think Colin Farrell is married to the mob, and of course I mean the mob of sluts that follows him around wherever he goes leaving a trail of cooze like some big, sweaty, whore-slug.

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