Britain’s News of the World revealed today that Kate Moss, who just broke up with junkie “husband” Pete Doherty, has had a number of cocaine-fueled orgies, lesbian affairs, and – wait for it, wait for it – lesbian orgies. While high as a kite, she’s been known to bed Sadie Frost, British television star Davinia Taylor, Sadie Frost and Davinia Taylor, and finally, Sadie Frost and former husband Jude Law.
Whoa, whoa. Whoa. Are you telling me that if I have an Alaskan winter’s worth of white powder up my nose, supermodels and trampy actresses will have orgies with me? Because that’s not what the former drug dealer that came to speak to our high school health class said. And… he wouldn’t lie to us, would he? Would he? Oh man, no way. What about that reformed prostitute? Or that spunky quadriplegic? Or… Mr. Goldenberg? Not Mr. Goldenberg! He taught us to believe in ourselves!
Um. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go do some blow, have sex with some Johns, and recklessly dive into a pool of shallow water. Apparently high school was full of lies, and when I’m high, I actually am invincible.