George Clooney Gave Out Bags of Cash to His Bros for Christmas One Year

I don’t know how much money George Clooney made when he flipped his Casamigos tequila brand. I know it was in the nine figure ballpark, so whatever the exact number is totally irrelevant. I saw a story recently that he and Amal Clooney bought noise-cancelling headphones for every passenger on their trans-atlantic flight to London so that they wouldn’t have to listen to their twins cry the whole flight. That’s what I call “fuck you” money. He’s rich, bitch, and he has been for a while.

Rande Gerber, one of the partners involved with Casamigos, blabbed his mouth on MSNBC about this one time Clooney handed out duffel bags of cash to all his old buddies that still have shitty jobs, like working at a bar in an airport or managing an Orange Julius at the mall. From US Weekly:

During a recent interview with MSNBC’s Headliners show, Gerber, 56, revealed that Clooney once gifted his closest friends $1 million dollars each and paid their taxes on the funds!

“There’s a group of guys we call ‘The Boys,’” Gerber explained. “George had called me and ‘The Boys’ and said, ‘Hey, mark September 27th, 2013, on your calendar. Everyone’s going to come to my house for dinner.”

They call their old buddies “The Boys?” What are these guys, frat brothers from a shitty ’80s movie? I call my old squad “The Order of Shadow,” though so I don’t have much room to talk… also none of us are bazillionaires.

The Boys – 1: Order of Shadow – 0

When the pals arrived at the Suburbicon director’s place, Gerber said that black designer luggage bags were set on the table for each guest. “George begins to say, ‘Listen, I want you guys to know how much you’ve meant to me and how much you mean in my life,” the businessman recalled. “‘I came to L.A., I slept on your couch. I’m so fortunate in my life to have all of you and I couldn’t be where I am today without all of you. So, it was really important to me that while we’re still all here together, that I give back. SO I want you all to open your suitcases.’”

According to Gerber, when ‘The Boys’ opened up their custom cases, a million dollars worth of $20 bills awaited them. “Every one of us — 14 of us — got a million dollars. Every single one of us,” he continued. “We’re in shock. Like, what is this?”

Upon witnessing his friends’ amazement, Clooney reportedly said, “I know we’ve all been through some hard times, some of you are still going through it. You don’t have to worry about your kids, you don’t have to worry about, you know, school, you don’t have to worry abut paying your mortgage.”

Gerber claimed that some members of ‘The Boys’ were living paycheck to paycheck at the time. “One was working at a bar in Texas at the airport, trying just to support his family. Rides a bicycle to work everyday,” the Gerber Group founder claimed. “I mean, these are guys that took care of George and now he’s giving it all back. And George said, ‘Not only that, I have paid everyone’s taxes so this million dollars is yours.’” (from US Weekly)

Lesson to be learned here: Let every asshole who says they want to be an actor sleep on your couch. One day they might hand you a big bag of money and turn “The Boys” into a made men. You’ll be able to quit your shitty mall job and might even get your own borough to run for the Georgefather. Let’s be real, if you work at the mall and you’re over the age of 25, this is literally the only thing you can look forward to because you fucked some stuff up somewhere along the way.

Before anyone gets in a tizzy saying some shit like, “I work at a posh, upscale mall shilling expensive shit and I lease a Lexus-” shut up. I’m talking about that guy named Thomas at Payless Shoes who tried to tell me that the $12.99 Skechers I bought were “super high quality”… Yes, Thomas. I’m sure the poor Pakistani children in that sweat shop took meticulous care when stitching on these soles. I’m only buying them to be able to walk freely at the dog park and not care about stepping in dog shit. You sell poop shoes, Thomas. Throw away my empty Orange Julius behind the counter and quit your salesman act.

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