Claudia Schiffer stars as TOPLESS CATWOMAN

May 16th, 2008 // 45 Comments

The latest issue of Vogue Germany features a totally topless Claudia Schiffer. This picture would be unbelievably hot except her nipples appear to be airbrushed out. Unless she suffers from a rare disease where they’re invisible. In which case, Claudia, my sincere apologies. I know what it’s like to have transparent body parts. Right, invisi-penis?*

Thanks to James, who is totally straight despite the best efforts of this 100% insane PS3 ad.

*The Superficial Writer’s penis is, actually, very transparent. Particularly after that Gamma Ray accident when he got really drunk and tried to take a whiz on Bruce Banner. Damn you science!


  1. Brent

    I like her! shes NICE!

  2. funk


  3. Randal

    Good morning everyone, hope your day is going super well.

    She’s always been a better model compared to her acting skills. Zoolander I think was one of the last time she appeared on the big screen.

    Thankfully, here she shows all why she’s known for her modelling skills, which is packed full of.

    Great to see you on the covers again my dear!


  4. morga

    Classically sexy, unlike most of the wannabe skanks that show up here.

  5. Nice wrists.

  6. The Taint

    Bitch has the dreaded lifetime african dick taint. Just think, anytime you kiss her you taste seal’s dick. Enjoy!

  7. Crazy Mofo

    @ The Taint:

    so does your mom

  8. Kim Lard-ass-ian

    @6 shes not Heidi Klum you prick.
    I think shes plastic Lardassian is sexier.

  9. Girl

    6 – Uh… Seal is married to Heidi Klum, not Claudia Schiffer.

  10. Sam

    @ 6 – The Taint

    Heidi Klum is married to Seal (who’s British), Claudia was with David Copperfield.

    Funnily enough I’d guess an intellect like you would know his Germans.

    Now please, and I mean this sincerely, kill yourself.

  11. Auntie Kryst

    I got to agree with Randal on this one. It’s great to see that old school third reich sexy is back. Hot?? Ja wohl, mein Randal.

  12. Jimbo

    9 & 10, thanks for clearing that up. Germans all look alike to some people. Especially when they’re crossing the border of a neighboring country with tanks.

  13. She has my cube sounding like I’m squegeeing my windshields… I hope no one gets here early…


  14. Randy

    Hey Bayare – who told you that you could stop cleaning my taint long enough to type spam? Get back to work…that stuff doesn’t clean itself. Hold on, that Mexican food I ate last night is coming back to haunt me…er, you. Dipshit.

  15. what

    I don’t get it… On the cover pic her boobs look huge, and on the next pic it looks like she has none… like literally a change from cup C to AA!

  16. Avery

    Has anyone else noticed she’s covered in a throw made up of dead mice and holding a cat? Wtf?!

  17. #18 Avery,

    HOLY F#CK! You’re right. Dead fucking rats. Looked right passed that.

    Seriously though, still would Pound that Ass…rat’s or no rat’s.

    She is classic

  18. Very classy sexy pics

  19. Sorry, curiosity got the best of me and I looked at the man with a thumb for a penis.
    He had a THUMB where his PENIS should be! A fucking THUMB!!

  20. Saur Kraut

    How disgusting a beautiful blonde woman. Didn’t her kind commit the Shoa? They should all be held in bondage to the master.

  21. she is looking great!

    Oh, #6 – you are a retarded racist. Wow, please don’t ever breed.

  22. I always wondered what they did with the laboratory mice after they died of cancer and aids. Waste not want not, there ya go!!

  23. Vet

    she’s beautiful but, dead mice?

  24. Ted Mosby

    I love her pussy…..wait for it.


  25. fygu

    These pics are fucking amazing. LOVE LOVE LOVE

  26. oh God I need to go to the gym.

  27. She’s attractive, but YAWN…another pic of a model holding her boobs. Who cares?

  28. The Gorgeous One

    IS this the same photographer who did the Eva Mendes shoot that was posted earlier this week? If so, it’s amazing that he can make one look like a goddess while covered in mice and the other look like a man when you see even thing but the coochie.

    @6 Must be bitter because he came home early and caught his boyfriend getting fucked by a big black cock. What a loser

  29. Anonymous

    My question is this:

    Did Randal’s parents ever have any kids that lived?

  30. Poor Imitation

    And this was supposed to be the next Brigitte Bardon, but unfortunately less pretty, bigger waist, much flatter chest, flat ass, and unlike Bardot who was a natural poser, had to be told how to act in front of a camera.

    Not to mention was once engaged to that pathetic rapist, David Copperfield.

  31. Andres

    #16, let me explain to you how REAL boobs work (since you seem to be clueless): when a woman pulls her shoulders back (as she is in pic#2) the boobs appear to be smaller, whereas in the cover picture, she is pushing her shoulders forward (hence the boobies appear bigger) get it?

  32. gotmilk?

    wow, that’s a lot of airbrushing going on there. in reality, this bitch is haggard.

  33. roop

    Claudia who? David Coperfield’s greatest magic trick was making her career disappear.

  34. erk


    go fuck yourself.

  35. pondering

    She’s still alive?

  36. Jimbo

    Hey erk, what’s the matter, are you a nazi? Sorry if I offended you or any other nazi fucks. I do like your name…it’s the sound you make when you’re swallowing sperm.

  37. Disgusted

    Great, Just what I need my six year old daughter to see when we are the checkout of the grocery store. Another nearly-naked airbrushed skank.

  38. Disgusted

    Great, Just what I need my six year old daughter to see when we are the checkout of the grocery store. Another nearly-naked airbrushed skank.

  39. Not hot at all

    Those pics aren’t hot at all. What a waste.

  40. Arioch

    good lord you twits, the mice/rats arent real.

  41. betts

    Damn they airbrushed the shit out of her.
    Shes never looked this good not even back in the 80′s.
    She still looks like a poor mans Nicole kidman though

  42. melody

    is that even her?

  43. TJ

    Her dad is probably vomiting every day knowing that his daughter is taking it in all three holes from an African. EEeeeew.

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