When Chuck Norris Says ‘Jump,’ Sylvester Stallone Says.. Well, It’s Mostly A Lot of Mumbling

“You heard me, Stallone. A trailer full of quality thermals AND plaid button-ups… or I walk.

Yesterday, The Huffington Post linked a report where Chuck Norris claimed to have roundhouse kicked The Expendables 2 down to a PG-13 rating because apparently profanity goes against the grain of his beard though I hesitate to say it’s his weakness lest I find my windpipe dutifully punched in:

“In ‘Expendables 2,’ there was a lot of vulgar dialogue in the screenplay,” the “Walker, Texas Ranger” actor told the Polish paper Gazeta (via First Showing). “For this reason, many young people wouldn’t be able to watch this. But I don’t play in movies like this. Due to that I said I won’t be a part of that if the hardcore language is not erased. Producers accepted my conditions and the movie will be rated PG-13.”

Except in a surprise move for someone who endorsed Mike Huckabee, Chuck Norris actually wasn’t talking out his ass and convinced Sylvester Stallone that children should see random action stars get their faces shot in with grenade launchers without having to listen to filthy profanity. *picks up phone* Hello, socialism? SUCK IT! Via AICN:

Harry, the film is fantastic with Van Damme turning in an inspired performance… Our final battle is one for the ages. The PG13 rumor is true, but before your readers pass judgement, trust me when I say this film is LARGE in every way and delivers on every level. This movie touches on many emotions which we want to share with the broadest audience possible, BUT, fear not, this Barbeque of Grand scale Ass Bashing will not leave anyone hungry…Sly

Wait, isn’t “ass” technically profanity? Goddammit, Sly. Now you get to explain to theatergoers why every scene involving Chuck Norris is nothing but a fist hole through the screen. You really hate America, don’t you?

Photo: Getty