Chuck Norris: ‘Obama Is Making The Boy Scouts Gay To Let The Russians In’

“Faggot put that hole in my head back in ’72. Keep fightin’ the good fight.”

When we last left Chuck Norris, he was busy making sure The Expendables 2 is a profanity-free film about mercenaries exploding each others dicks off with shotguns that you can take the whole family to. But now he’s set his patriotic sights on the Boy Scouts and the vast conspiracy within of people eating formal dinners with Obama which naturally causes them to brainwash our thigh-high khaki shorts-wearing future leaders into penis-hungry globs of tolerant Jell-O that won’t think twice about selling all our secrets to the Russians for a fancy new kerchief. Or whatever the fuck Chuck Norris is saying here. Old people talk funny. Via AmmoLand (Yup):

A Boy Scouts of America national board member, James Turley, who is also global chairman and CEO of the accounting firm Ernst & Young, recently said he “will work from within to seek a change” to overturn the BSA policy that bans gay Scouts and leaders.
But is Turley working on his own initiative, or has the White House prodded him with perks and favors?
Is it a coincidence that Turley came out swinging against the BSA’s century-old policy to ban gays from leadership and that he has such close affiliations with the pro-gay Obama administration?
Is it a coincidence that Turley and his wife, Lynne, were just guests at a state dinner hosted by President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama in honor of British Prime Minister David Cameron at the White House on March 14?

Is it a coincidence Turley was granted a seat on an investment advisory panel that met with none other than Vladimir Putin in Moscow in October?

Even worse, Obama is apparently defending brown-looking foreign kids instead of protecting pure, lily-white American boys from being told gay people should not be roundhoused in the face in the Lord Baby Jesus’ name. I WANT THE PARTS I SELECTIVELY REMEMBER OF MY COUNTRY BACK:

It is a coincidence that Obama will stand up repeatedly for the children of illegal immigrants (and grant them amnesty and taxpayer money) but that he will not once stand up for children in the BSA and the organization’s rights and freedoms to hold their own core values and beliefs?

In Chuck Norris’ defense, not a lot of people are looking at the big picture here. And that big picture is a future of young men being exposed to homosexual lifestyles just as Obama floods the country with young Latinos with delicious brown skin and chiseled features from an early life of manual labor. While some people might call that a coincidence, Chuck Norris and I call it something else: Time to get into the cut-off jean shorts business. Olé!

UPDATE: Chuck Norris’ lawyers just informed me he does not call it that and is apparently citing Manifest Destiny as grounds to make my face a chew toy for his fists if I don’t show up to a scout camp with a cardboard box full of porn – straight porn, unless it’s two chicks – and handguns.

Photo: Getty