Chuck Norris: ‘Obama Is Making The Boy Scouts Gay To Let The Russians In’

June 27th, 2012 // 36 Comments
Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris
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“Faggot put that hole in my head back in ’72. Keep fightin’ the good fight.”

When we last left Chuck Norris, he was busy making sure The Expendables 2 is a profanity-free film about mercenaries exploding each others dicks off with shotguns that you can take the whole family to. But now he’s set his patriotic sights on the Boy Scouts and the vast conspiracy within of people eating formal dinners with Obama which naturally causes them to brainwash our thigh-high khaki shorts-wearing future leaders into penis-hungry globs of tolerant Jell-O that won’t think twice about selling all our secrets to the Russians for a fancy new kerchief. Or whatever the fuck Chuck Norris is saying here. Old people talk funny. Via AmmoLand (Yup):

A Boy Scouts of America national board member, James Turley, who is also global chairman and CEO of the accounting firm Ernst & Young, recently said he “will work from within to seek a change” to overturn the BSA policy that bans gay Scouts and leaders.
But is Turley working on his own initiative, or has the White House prodded him with perks and favors?
Is it a coincidence that Turley came out swinging against the BSA’s century-old policy to ban gays from leadership and that he has such close affiliations with the pro-gay Obama administration?
Is it a coincidence that Turley and his wife, Lynne, were just guests at a state dinner hosted by President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama in honor of British Prime Minister David Cameron at the White House on March 14?

Is it a coincidence Turley was granted a seat on an investment advisory panel that met with none other than Vladimir Putin in Moscow in October?

Even worse, Obama is apparently defending brown-looking foreign kids instead of protecting pure, lily-white American boys from being told gay people should not be roundhoused in the face in the Lord Baby Jesus’ name. I WANT THE PARTS I SELECTIVELY REMEMBER OF MY COUNTRY BACK:

It is a coincidence that Obama will stand up repeatedly for the children of illegal immigrants (and grant them amnesty and taxpayer money) but that he will not once stand up for children in the BSA and the organization’s rights and freedoms to hold their own core values and beliefs?

In Chuck Norris’ defense, not a lot of people are looking at the big picture here. And that big picture is a future of young men being exposed to homosexual lifestyles just as Obama floods the country with young Latinos with delicious brown skin and chiseled features from an early life of manual labor. While some people might call that a coincidence, Chuck Norris and I call it something else: Time to get into the cut-off jean shorts business. Olé!

UPDATE: Chuck Norris’ lawyers just informed me he does not call it that and is apparently citing Manifest Destiny as grounds to make my face a chew toy for his fists if I don’t show up to a scout camp with a cardboard box full of porn – straight porn, unless it’s two chicks – and handguns.

Photo: Getty

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  1. Chuck Norris dented that guys skull by just smiling at him

  2. Deacon Jones

    Just another push button topic the GOP is trying to use, again, to rile up the base.

    Gays, immigrants, gays, immigrants.

    Fuck figuring out social security or our national debt or the fact that we are outsourcing everything from help desk support to engineering. Because that causes detailed thinking above the capacity of mudslinging primetime shows.

    And fuck the democrats for being a bunch of pussies that can’t develop a central message or theme to save their lives.

    • YoMamma

      Yep, Chuck Norris is the new *shiny keys – look at them over there* so we don’t notice our country is fucked, regardless of Boy Scouts.

  3. achilles wrath

    I don’t understand Americans. You see boogy men everywhere, do you really live in a constant state of fear or is it just the media? lol

    • Yuuuuup

      It’s lonely at the top, sweetums ;)

    • Dude of Dudes

      Its the media. Not sure where you are from but the DailyMail (UK Paper) news feed goes something like this on any given day:

      Racists knife person of color
      Old person dies from shitty healthcare
      Child dies from shitty healthcare
      Racists throw a person of color into a knife store to save time
      A story about some dude fucking some other dude’s wife
      Obligatory story about the royals and the diamond jubliee (seriously…how fucking long does this thing last)
      Story about Pippa Middleton’s ass (Whoever is putting these up deserves a knighthood already)

      So reading these stories has me convinced that all britains are:
      Knife wielding racist pigs who love them some pippa ass

      Over here we call them rednecks.

      • achilles wrath

        lol funny guys
        @yuup you may believe your own propaganda but no-one else does :)
        @dude – semi articulate reply and about as much as I could hope for from an American, thank you! But why assume I’m British? lol 292 countries out there, not that you could name more than 3 or 4

      • Tom

        I’m no geography master but the U.N. has 190-odd members. Can you name the other 100?

      • Point & Laugh

        This from someone who uses ‘lol’ in a sentence.

      • Dude of Dudes

        @achilles wrath Why assume Im an American? I never assumed shit about you and I explicitly stated I didnt know your origin though Im suspecting Uranus.

        My point was dont let the media form your opinions of others. Get to know people based on their merits not what you read in the paper or hear on T.V. and most importantly never form opinion based on what’s written here. Or have you ever read this site before? Its dick jokes and TITS.

  4. Area Man

    Seems right. After all, he IS an “actor” (can’t believe I said that with a straight face) and the politcal advice of “actors’ is something we comoners should all heed.

  5. EricLr

    My cousin’s friend’s brother had his baby eaten by a gay Latino. True story.

  6. Rasputin's Evil Twin

    I WANT THE PARTS I SELECTIVELY REMEMBER OF MY COUNTRY BACK:

    That sums up the Tea Party nicely. There is no such thing as “The Good Old Days”, just parts of our youths we’ve mis-remembered and whitewashed into nostalgic illusions.

    I know a lot about the past – you wouldn’t want to live in the “real” version of it.

    • Cock Dr

      The ‘Olde Days” were very good indeed if you were a straight white man….not much competition in the workforce from women and brown skinned peoples.

  7. Dick Hell

    Keepin’ it real Chuck… like your hair color.

  8. Johnny P!

    Duly noted, Chuck Norris, duly noted.
    Now, why would anyone give more credence to what a washed-up ‘action hero’ from the 80′s has to say about how the government is run then say… a middle-aged librarian from Wisconsin who voices her opinion at the local Town Hall meeting?
    Oh right, ’cause you’re ‘Chuck Norris’.
    Dude, I will listen to that librarian lady’s opinions with far more attention than to yours.
    Now go roundhouse kick something, and shut up, moron.

  9. Kingdaka

    We need Bruce Lee to finish Chuck off.

  10. “Congratulations on your victory in the ‘Reese Witherspoon’s belly lookalike contest!’”

  11. Something tells me Chuck has done some Kung Fu on a few peens in his time.

  12. Dan Quayle

    Handsome men are not necessarily teh gay

  13. Kurt

    There could be the Gay Scouts

  14. SkyGod2.0

    I really get a kick out of this old fuck. He’s had so many plastic surgeries, I’m suprised his dick and balls aren’t dangling from his throat. Oh, and don’t get me started on his fucking wig. Did he buy that thing from Liberace’s estate sale and spray paint it red? Let’s face it, any man that obsessed over his aging might have a little sugar in his OWN tank, so he shouldn’t go around throwing stones.

    What really pisses me off, and what Deacon Jones pointed out, is that he is just another pathetic tea bagger trying to deflect us from the real problems. I couldn’t care less who’s in the boy scouts (which I already assumed was a gay organization.). I want to know if I’m going to have a job next year! Both parties suck!

  15. vandal

    Norris is a Bible bashing nancy boy. Fuck this shit about him being tough, BRUCE LEE was tough. I say we make that popular. Who’s with me! /marches off

  16. El Jefe

    Chuck Norris is a fucking retard. Fuck you Stallone for adding that fucktard to The Expendables, I really wanted to see that now because of him I might not.

  17. CranAppleSnapple

    His *hair* is on upside down and back to front.

  18. Ollie

    I saw Chuck on TV trying to spruik some gym equipment the other day with some chick. What a tool.

    • CranAppleSnapple

      I’ve seen that one! His eyebrows were a really weird dark red like the wig of that day! I couldn’t stop staring.

  19. Someone with decent animated gif skills should do a retrospective on Chuck’s evolving hairpiece circa Way Of The Dragon til present.

  20. Chuck

    Chuck Norris doesn’t support Obama. Obama support Chuck Norris

  21. Oz Matters

    I’ve seen this photo before – it was on the cover of some pamphlet about this new “Time-share a cheap wig” scheme.

  22. Reece

    I tend not to take any man who wears a toupee seriously so the Republicans are going to have to get themselves another “real American tough guy” spokesperson to do their bidding

    • Rapsutin's Evil Twin

      So, Trump and his dead muskrat hairpiece don’t do it for you? And you call yourself an American?

  23. don

    Chuck is saying what most of America is afraid to say.
    At least he has guts enough to admit he is not a commie
    kool-aid drinker.

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