You Promised Me Mila, Nudie Hacker!!

Thanks to Scarlett Johansson being all weird about complete strangers ogling private, naked photos illegally downloaded without her consent and published to all 24 corners of the Internet, the FBI arrested Christopher Chaney, a Jacksonsville man who allegedly acted alone in hacking and leaking photos of celebrities. Or so The Illuminati would have us believe… TMZ reports:

The indictment was issued against 35-year-old Christopher Chaney of Jacksonville, Florida. He was arrested this morning by FBI agents, on charges of identity theft, wiretapping and other charges.
According to federal officials, Chaney would use public information to access email accounts of his alleged victims, and then access computers and cell phones under the control of his victims.
… As TMZ first reported, law enforcement sources tell us Chaney allegedly acted alone, and got no money for his alleged misdeeds — rather, he did it for the thrill.
Chaney faces 121 years in federal prison if convicted on all counts.

Whoa, wait. 121 years for showing people something they were eventually going to see – or have seen – in a movie anyway? We are no longer free men, my brothers and sisters. *puts on tricorn hat, readies musket* We convene at Cracker Barrel. If they deny us satisfactory early bird prices, then we shall take our revolution to Big Boy’s and so on down the line. For we are honor-bound to free this man or at least get him to tell us the location of the naked Mila Kunis pics so that I might lust upon them with happenstance. To Lexington!

Photos: Getty

The Superficial is in [email protected]! Mode this week. Normal posting resumes Mon, Oct 17.