Christina Ricci is confusing my pants
Christina Ricci was looking hot (I think) at the Women’s Guild 50th Anniversary Gala over the weekend. I can’t tell if I’m attracted to her or not. Right now there’s a weird noise coming out of my pants, like a grizzly bear driving a dump truck through a spring factory. I should probably investigate. Of course, if I unzip my fly, that angelic choir will start singing “Alleluia” again. Real embarrassing when you’re in a public restroom. I mean, for you. Not for me. What, no heavenly music comes out of your pants? You must cry a lot.