Christina Hendricks just broke my penis and other news

- Simon Monjack returns donations made to Brittany Murphy Foundation because being a shady widower is this week’s fake-pregnant elf. [PopEater]

- Victoria Beckham is apparently going to crash the Oscars. [Lainey Gossip]

- Pamela Anderson is still trying to defy physics with her massive tits. Which is why she’s my constant. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

- Robert Pattinson overcomes his fear of noonerholes for a paycheck. [Huffington Post]

- Fergie: A Retrospective in Penis Tucking. [TheFABlife]

- Leonardo DiCaprio lets Bar Refaeli come to his fancy events. [Just Jared]

- Madonna wants to direct. But first the blood of a Scotsman! [Dlisted]

- Blake Lively wants $2.5 million to do Playboy. Quick, somebody tell Hugh to sell his girlfriends into white slavery. [Celebslam]

- Tiger Woods knocked up Joslyn James twice? Dammit! Who’s forgetting to sterilize porn stars? C’mon. [The Blemish]

- Jennifer Hudson dropped 56 pounds. Guess she wants to fly Southwest. [Bossip]

- Jay-Z isn’t a fan of “We Are the World” remake. [PopSugar]

- Heidi Montag is on her way to becoming what she was destined to be: a mannequin. [Amy Grindhouse]

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