Christina Hendricks just broke my penis and other news

February 15th, 2010 // 125 Comments

- Simon Monjack returns donations made to Brittany Murphy Foundation because being a shady widower is this week’s fake-pregnant elf. [PopEater]

- Victoria Beckham is apparently going to crash the Oscars. [Lainey Gossip]

- Pamela Anderson is still trying to defy physics with her massive tits. Which is why she’s my constant. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

- Robert Pattinson overcomes his fear of noonerholes for a paycheck. [Huffington Post]

- Fergie: A Retrospective in Penis Tucking. [TheFABlife]

- Leonardo DiCaprio lets Bar Refaeli come to his fancy events. [Just Jared]

- Madonna wants to direct. But first the blood of a Scotsman! [Dlisted]

- Blake Lively wants $2.5 million to do Playboy. Quick, somebody tell Hugh to sell his girlfriends into white slavery. [Celebslam]

- Tiger Woods knocked up Joslyn James twice? Dammit! Who’s forgetting to sterilize porn stars? C’mon. [The Blemish]

- Jennifer Hudson dropped 56 pounds. Guess she wants to fly Southwest. [Bossip]

- Jay-Z isn’t a fan of “We Are the World” remake. [PopSugar]

- Heidi Montag is on her way to becoming what she was destined to be: a mannequin. [Amy Grindhouse]

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  1. gen

    @45

    Reasons she’s not like Heidi Montag:
    -she became famous by actually ACTING, not being on a reality show
    -she is actually extremely beautiful (although I agree this cover doesn’t fully do her justice)
    -I highly doubt she’s had any plastic surgery. If she was a model at a young age, then she was probably always beautiful. And I think her hips more than balance out her boobs. I don’t see why you think they look “idiotic” at all, they look totally normal

    And what kind of woman are you if you don’t like pleasing men’s “nasty genitals”? Don’t diss my favorite hobby.

    @48
    Slavic women sometimes have the hourglass and they’re white.

  2. liam

    This woman is not only ugly, but she is just plain FAT. She is a plus size fat chick. Who the hell would defend this fat ugly broad?

  3. Michael

    She is so perfect.

  4. deano

    It makes me lol how people are calling her “curvy” CH is NOT curvy, she is overweight. big floppy saggy tits, and big stomach. She is an apple shape.
    no where near an hourglass. Curvy women include, Kim Kardasian, Shakira, Beyonce etc. CH is just a big fat marton. she should be a dinner lady at your highscool cafeteria. Anyone who finds her attractive must have really low standards in women.

  5. Doc Schweinstrudel

    #51
    I am no expert in acting of course, although I am a keen theater goer and a cinemaholic. However. I DO HAVE EYES. What acting exactly do you mean?
    All her life this woman played some small parts judging by Wikipedia.
    The MadMen show fucking sucks as itself and her role there as an old man’s hotel room fuck and a doc’s wife whom he fucked in the office – sure takes big talent to play! hah!!! Contrasting to January Jones – the only saving grace on the show.
    To you personally: keep being man’s blowup doll.

  6. Don

    I don’t get the logic with this site. You’d put Serena Williams ginourous surfing ass in the So Freaking Hot section, but not this hot piece of ginger boobed loveliness? Is it because there are only 2 pics?

  7. Christina

    haha disgusting chuavanists on this site, telling women to lose weight to looks like some airbrushed picture of a woman they saw on the internet. HOW PATHETIC. I bet the majority of you are so deformed (eyes too close together, hook nose, weird lip contour, lack of chin, double chin) half the women in the whole world would refrain from even kissing you once a year under the mistletoe. All you can do in wank off to airbrushed stills and when you’ve made your micro meal for one had a nice long handjob to porn. God, knows any women with a brain would prefer to keep their distance. But i’m sure you’d prefer women withour brains, keeps you feeling superiour. God I’d love to see your ugly faces.

  8. Caitlyn

    @ 57

    Couldn’t of said it better myself.

    Oh and cows have nice large udders, don’t see you masturbating to a picture of a Jersey…

  9. Mal Carne

    Redheads don’t age well. It’s a fact.

  10. shane

    Here we go again with the omnipresent girdle. If you’re so proud of being overweight, show us your flabby stomach instead of hiding behind support undergarments.

  11. Suzy

    Wow. I can’t believe what I’m reading or should I say I’m really not surprised at all.
    Most, if not all of the guys out here think Christina Hendricks is extremely sexy,
    beautiful and very curvy. On the other hand and quite predictably most if not all the women out here think Hendricks is somewhat fat, ugly, un-sexy and just your “run-of-the-mill” cover model. Sorry to bust your balloons ladies, but this woman is drop
    dead gorgeous and deep down inside, you all know this is a fact but for the most part, women are so fucking catty that they can’t see beyond their own nose! I can’t fathom referring to this woman as “ugly” or “fat!” WTF? Everybody has their own faults, inside and out. Some have more than others and vice versa. Of course this is IMHO. Peace out ~ Suzy

  12. Gigi

    Before I saw this photo, I hadn’t touched myself in over a week. That all changed last night.

  13. JD

    She’s not ugly but she is a vacant looking fat chick squeezed into Spanx . What do her dimpled thighs and ass look like without the magic of photoshop?

  14. chupacabra

    I am a woman and I think CH is beautiful. I love her look. I wish I could see what she looks like as a blonde! It must be just as spectacular as being red head. On another note, I wonder who dyes her hair for her? Love that color.

    She looks like a 36 DD to me. I just wish I was a tall as she is! Go Christina! Tear it UP!

  15. Milan

    This is surely a strategy for increasing circulation by appealing to the Chubby Chasers.

  16. Bree

    Good god this woman is sexy. I’ve seen pictures of her tummy, and there really isn’t one. It’s no six pack, but it doesn’t jiggle. You’ve got to support some bajungas like that with a serious torso!

    And yes, if she were not (ah-hem) proportioned in the way she is now, she might look a little hefty. But, whatever, it so works on her. yumm yumm yumm.

  17. Not a Red fan

    Sissy Spasik with implants. Waaaa!

  18. darcy

    Mr. Nice Guy,
    Since you have zero understanding of the female body: Losing weight doesn’t give you an hourglass figure. I and 5’5″ and weigh 94 pounds and have been hospitalized 8 times for an eating disorder, you piece of shit. I have also been 180 pounds. My body shape is the same: I have a thick waist and no hips. Period. You are a piece of shit.

  19. darcy

    @57/Christinia – Well put!

  20. Anyone, man or woman who think this woman is ‘gorgeous/stunning/beautiful’ I feel really sorry for you. If you’re a woman it means you’re probably fat and busted looking and if you’re a guy it means you’ve never gotten w/a true attractive woman.

    Christina Hendricks is this year’s version of the Susan Boyle phenomenon of last year. Some people felt good about accolades given to an ugly woman who seemed to be the under dog.

    Let’s face it, if you are only slightly better than average looking you wouldn’t even bat an eyelash if this one walked into your restaurant dining room. She’s not ugly but she’s really not a head turner, either. People need to stop and get real.

  21. Lillea

    As usual, the flat-chested women with no shape are ranting about someone being “fat” as a way to make themselves feel better. No matter what you tell yourself, your boyfriend (if you even have one) doesn’t give a shit about your baby Bs, flat ass, or lanky legs. He’d be all over this chick, no matter how many times he tells you you’re prettier and that he prefers your body, and you know it. You can always tell which posters are hairy, acne-prone, titless, short, and generally unattractive by the ridiculous “but she has implants!!!! wahhhhh!” cries. If you had actually gone through puberty and developed these things called breasts, you’d know that these are real. They don’t even look fake. I wouldn’t even say they’re unique or all that great, but they’re nice in some pics and always better than what’s in your training bra. Not everyone has a concave chest. Keep telling yourself it’s all Photoshop. Because that will make your shitty skin, hair, and breasts better in comparison, right?

  22. Lea

    This woman is gorgeous and talented. Any firefly fan can tell you that she 1) Can act 2) Is beautiful 3) Those tits are real

    Being a woman with large breasts myself, it’s fairly easy to tell when boobs are fake based on how they fall/sit on the body.

    Unfortunately the cover photo is hardly the most flattering image of her. That is a shame.

  23. slut

    jesus christ, calm down 71. Just because some asshole thinks this woman is fat doesn’t mean you have to go all psycho/catty on small girls. I think CH is beautiful, but small and delicate women are sexy too (/i would go on about how they tend to age better, but I don’t want you to shit yourself)

  24. d

    The fatties are hyping her, that’s it. She’s “curvy!” “confident!” “voluptuous!”
    Code words for the big girl crowd.

  25. lol

    Shakira, and Halley Berry have great boobs and hips. Christina Hendricks however is just fat. even her tits are fat. and she has an ugly face.

  26. #72, they are under the muscle implants, dipshit. She needs to flaunt them b/c her plain face isn’t going to get noticed. I’m a real 36D and mine are better b/c I ride a bike 8 months out of the year and I also do side leg lifts to my thighs won’t spread like hers. She’s nothing special but the fat chicks love this dumpy broad as they have an excuse not to diet and continue to be lazy.

  27. gem

    suzy most of the negative comments are from guys/men, it is the women who are defending her body, not men.

  28. Doc Schweinstrudel

    #71 is a fatty.

  29. Doc Schweinstrudel

    #72, google CH plastic surgery. I’m not sure her are D’s I think those are F’s!!!
    And yeah, her ACTING. Most of the time she was filmed lying in bed in hotel room with an old CEO and especially dramatic was that scene where her doctor husband got jealous of her fucking the old fart and he sort of raped her on the floor in the office – it’s funny how she was jerking sideways under him in between those baloons! Such a great comedy talent!
    Now how can you take your fucking breast go under knife to get to sleep with director and get a part and change your good B/C to fucking Fs AND RANT IN INTERVIEWS that nobody takes you serious. Give me a break, dimwit!

  30. Alex

    BEHOLD!…a woman at last!

  31. sushi

    I do find it funny that she doesn’t want to talk about her body, but she’ll model a boustier showing off her massive tits. There’s a bit of a disconnect there.

  32. Lea

    #72, they are under the muscle implants, dipshit. She needs to flaunt them b/c her plain face isn’t going to get noticed. I’m a real 36D and mine are better b/c I ride a bike 8 months out of the year and I also do side leg lifts to my thighs won’t spread like hers. She’s nothing special but the fat chicks love this dumpy broad as they have an excuse not to diet and continue to be lazy.

    hahahaha that’s right, that’s why you are lurking on superficial and bragging about your gym efforts, because you’re so damn hot with your biking and leg lifts….riiiiiiiight

    Also the “evidence” for her implants are people speculating because they are so big. Here’s a newsflash: some women really do have HUGE breasts. It just happens and usually they feel trapped by them.

    Oh and #79: As I said any FIREFLY fan. I have never watched Mad Men but thought she was superb in Firefly. Go learn to read.

  33. Doc Schweinstrudel

    Sorry 82, Im not going to watch Firefly because I got enough of her “acting” in MadMen. I’d rather watch Sopranos 9999999999999999999,9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999. time.
    Go learn to reason.

  34. Doc Schweinstrudel

    So fucking what 76 spoke as a person WHO ACTUALLY HAS REAL BREAST DD size. She said it from a point of a woman with natural DD as she sees it, and she believes it fake. She has NATURAL breast and takes care of them and has every right to brag.

  35. KIKI

    Sissy Spasek? Cole miners daughter? No?

  36. Christina Hendricks future husband

    She is hot and talented. Amazing as Mrs Reynolds on Firefly, also on “Life” on NBC. All the little snarky bitches on this site who complain about her looks, STFU. You would give anything to look like her.

  37. bah

    FAT, pale, red hair is ugly. The end. She would look like a beached whale on bikini beach – compared to the svelte, tan nubile, perky hotties.

  38. Doc Schweinstrudel

    #68.
    It probably sounds trite. But I feel really sympathetic with your situation. Trust me you are not alone with that.
    First of all, in order to get rid of ED, you need to buy omega3 and Folic acid and consume them (underlying problem is severe depression and lack of omega 3 in diet results in breakage in neuron connection in your brain cells). This alone will help you A LOT. Exercise also helps battle depression as it allows endorphines to enter the brain and be a sort of substitute for love (in absence of one).
    Second thing is how you need to reprogram your mind. The most important point that you should get into your head is that only people with rich developed inner world are prone to depression and if you are such person,
    you have no time to be sad, you need to do something, find the goal to contribute that you would save the world.Again: you have no time to be sad, you must save the world!
    Second thought: live only today. Do not think in terms: one day when I am beautiful enough, live it as if you were today and today only.
    Avoid sugar, sugar triggers depression. Use honey or stewed fruits. Avoid caffeine.
    Beauty is nothing but a skin deep. It has NEVER made anyone happy. Your looks will not make man stick with you. Become aware of what is inside you, what you are with all pluses and minueses, and accept yourself once and for all this way and become INDEPENDANT, FREE, from opinion of others or doing something to please others once and for all (check yourself to such thinking patterns and question your behaviors).
    Try Louise Hay, Jerry Hicks, “What the Bleep Do We Know” on youtube. You need some positive thinking.
    You can do that.

  39. And furthermore

    @ 68. When you call people a piece of shit, please use the cool/fly POS instead. Thanks.

  40. kenny pwers

    71, you sound fat, and jealous of bronze babes with toned bods. give me a thin tan bitch with a hot ass and baby b’s before this pasty cow any day. if you think this is hotter than hell, you prob like renaissance fairs, cause that is where this beast belongs.

  41. So, fatty Leah, #82…you felt the need to come on my site and insult my picture saying I have a double chin. That pic was taken w/a webcam and I am looking down and trying to pull out of the shot. I don’t have a double chin when my head is in a normal position and unlike you I am in shape & not lazy. Yes, I do realize people have natural huge breasts and sometimes need a reduction but that doesn’t stop them from working out the bottom half, unlike CH. Also, I can vouche that I’ve never really seen someone with my breast size and thin arms and legs…the body of an Asian girl. People always assume I’ve had my breasts jobbed because of my elegant bone structure so don’t act like I don’t know what I’m talking about. You need to Google CH plastic surgery. And the pics I posted on my site of CH show just how tacky this WT is.

  42. dontneedone

    this woman is fat and ugly. period. she isnt usually ugly or fat looking in pics posted on this site but this cover makes her look fat nd ugly. there are women who have double d’s naturally, but ch’s are obviously fake. if you like it then fine, but lets be real they are fake, they look unnatural. girls with double d’s dont look unnatural like ch’s. and it is big girls defending this woman. when i saw this pic i thought fat. andyody thinking she is sexy in this pic must eat paint chips cuz she is not cute.

  43. rcf

    I would not mind having her curves. I would feel so LUSCIOUS!!

  44. mr. slim

    Her Vagina tastes like strawberries

  45. efq3435

    Real tits. I like.

  46. That has got to be the funniest headline, I don’t care who you are. And me be liking the lopsideds.

  47. Hahahahahaha

    sick kitten is a fat kitten

    only fat girls with low self esteem need to talk about themselves and how “hot” and “elegant” they are on superficial webforums

    GO EAT SOME ICE CREAM FATTY

  48. wizeguy

    a truly beautiful woman!
    long time comin’ ..
    them ugly plastic bimbo’s gonna be runnin’ for cover…heeheeheee
    …..

  49. only fat girls with low self esteem need to talk about themselves and how “hot” and “elegant” they are on superficial webforums

    ——Never been fat, never will. I’m promoting a website for women, a goal in mind. Not just posting for the hell of it like some mental commenters. I put myself out there. Takes balls and my image is peppered throughout my website. I’ve nothing to hide. My tips help women. I share my journal & have a goal to help women and animals but nice try over there in your dorm room. Wait, you’re in the basement, why you’ve never made it past high school. What the hell have you ever done for women or animals?

  50. Lillea

    Read much? I never said she’s ‘hotter than hell’. lol She’s not that great, but she’s also not the cow that shapeless grils make her out to be. And flat women dont age better. They may sag less in the chest sometimes, but they’re already manly and drawn in the face, so who cares? I’ve got nothing against small breasts on someone like Beyonce, but scrawny white chicks with no curves anywhere are always the ones to press their nose to the monitor and carry on about implants. lol So sad

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