Christina Aguilera’s boobs are shrinking! Get me the Pentagon!

April 9th, 2008 // 56 Comments

Christina Aguilera’s post-pregnancy mamma-jamma’s of power (above from February) are rapidly shrinking, according to The Sun:

Like countless other celebs mums, the Dirrty star has been quick to shed the pounds after giving birth. Apparently, she has been doing a spot of boxing as well as lifting weights in a bid to get into shape for her chart comeback.

Christina has also taken up swimming but not the healthy aerobic kind. It’s more like the “totally gross I can’t believe I’m out to repeat it” kind:

Her neighbours have reportedly got a little upset with Xtina and hubby, JORDAN BRATMAN, going skinny dipping at their $6 million Beverly Hills mansion because they’re TOO noisy.
One told a US magazine: “They don’t just splash around – they laugh, scream, swear and make sexy noises.”

In the future, scientists will discover this post and point to the above paragraph as the evidence that finally convinced society as whole that God does not exist. Though a small band of rebels will claim that the Lord favors Sasquatch race. They will secretly meet every third Sunday to bounce around a strippers giant breasts before eating beef jerky out of a cooler. Hey – I want in! I’m religious and shit.


  1. Tim

    Let me be the FIRST to call her classy.

  2. SLASH

    Oh. My. Fuck.

  3. It is alot more interesting watching a tire go flat……
    No news here, moving on.

  4. i want

    some of those

  5. Randal

    I saw a picture of her and she had a horrible gap for cleavage. She puts on too much make up and looks like a whore or drag queen. I hate her over bleached hair. She has a nice voice but I do not like the kind of music she sings.

  6. Jimmy Beam

    I don’t care what size those BOOBS are, I’ll still suck on them like a 5 month old baby!!

  7. Yo Momma

    I’m with #5

  8. Randal has a troll

    Didn’t take long, did it?

  9. mike

    She’s a whore. Not a fat ugly whore, like, say, Frist, but still, she’s a whore.

  10. SLASH

    DAMN it. I thought I was FRIST!!!

    Oh well. Fuck her and her stupid fucking shrinking implants. And the stupid day-glow makeup, whore head fuckface…outta my fucking face…dumb…

    Sorry, lost my train of thought…

  11. BunnyButt

    Wow, those are itty bitty titties!!

  12. has been

    i can’t imagine it is remotely pleasing to have sex with her.

    but on a completely unrelated not, a co-worker of mine asked me during lunch if i had heard about putting grapes in your vagina during sex. apparently if you stick a few in there it gives extra pleasure to the guy. i told her that sounded like nonsense but she read it on some whore’s myspace page and thinks she wants to try it. has anyone else heard of this?

  13. Mike's lingering crush

    FRIST hasn’t been here in two weeks at least….

  14. Whore

    You have extra space to fit grapes?

  15. Randal

    Ah, now here’s a beauty to come home to and post about.

    Such a full figure, full kissable lips, bedroom eyes and those curves, my oh my, those curves that would turn Indy 500 inside out!

    Walk the walk Christina, you’re doin’ fine girl!


  16. Ript1&0

    I actually really love this couple. You can tell he worships her and she adores him too. They should be able to run around their own pool and fuck as loud as they want, whenever the hell they want to.

  17. Ript1&0

    YAY!!! Randal is here!!! <3<3

  18. LXI

    They can only shrink so far……….they are FUCKIN IMPLANTS MAN!


    RE: 12


    May 22, 2007

    Q: I like playing around with food during sex. Is that OK?

    A: Food can be fun. The key, as they say in real estate, is location, location, location. While there’s nothing wrong with spraying whipped cream or spreading chocolate sauce on the surface of your body, you don’t want to put these or any meltable foods in your vagina; they’re difficult to remove completely and thus can increase your risk of infection. Also, refrain from inserting small edibles like grapes, candy or popcorn. (Believe me–I’ve had to remove such things from hysterical patients over the years!)

  20. tp

    At least they waited until they were married to pop out the offspring, which is more than I can say for about 90% of these Hollywood whores.

  21. Dee

    #12 – the folks here are experts about sour grapes only.

  22. PunkA

    she swims? Seems to me that she would just float on her own, with no help from anything other than those 2 huge pontoons stuck to her chest.

  23. mrs. ernestine jones

    i think it’s great that they are happy. i saw on CNN the other day a study showed that women with ugly husband’s are happier than women with attractive husbands. clearly he adores her and makes her feel good about herself. better that than to be with a manwhore that every vagina is chasing after.

  24. Sam

    …and the happiest women of all are ones who marry attractive and successful men, then nag them until they lose the will to live.

  25. bootlips

    How to look like Christina:

    1. Get a bad boob job.
    2. Dye hair a ridiculous platinum
    3. Get a gallon of orange paint
    4. Dress like a 15 year old
    5. Marry an ugly jew for money

  26. Sambo the Ass Pirate

    @14 well played!
    @12, you might try grapefruits.

  27. Auntie Kryst

    Grrreat parenting guys.. Keep that baby up all night with your sexual escapades. This is going to be chapter one in their kid’s future tell all book.

  28. Ted Mosby

    Fake boobs can shrink?

  29. uh huh


    don’t act like your vagina hasn’t seen more traffic than the holland tunnel

  30. kitty kitty



  31. Haywood

    #24 and #25 – them speaks da truth.

  32. Randy


    Yes I love her thunder thighs and hard implants!

  33. Tom

    That’s reminds me; I’m thirsty. I wonder how much it would cost to suck the milk out of those things.

  34. Guy

    “sexy noises”

    Lol wut?

  35. Corlyss

    I think her neighbors need to get a life. If people are having sex in their backyard, or skinny dipping, it’s their fucking right to. If you don’t like the noise, go back inside instead of trying to peek over the fence. Of course, they’re probably jealous that a meat bag like him can get someone like her, and they’re stuck with their wrinkled prunes of wives.

    Besides, how desperate for attention do you have to be to give an interview about noisy neighbors? It just shows how big your nose is.

  36. Is it wrong that I no longer have a desire to nail her now that she’s unpregnant?

  37. You forgot to mention “The Muppet Show”!!

  38. Grunion

    She’s so demure and understated.

  39. shiksa

    Hmmm… Well, this doesn’t actually refute the existence of God. It may actually just confirm the Jews as the Chosen People,and taking good care of Mr. Bratman.

  40. Arguman

    “sexy noises”??
    What noises would they prefer to hear? crying baby noise? Besides, I doubt Ratman is making any of those “sexy noises”

  41. Walizalawonga

    Fuckin cakeface’s lips remind me of the bright red ass of certain primates in heat

  42. Paula

    Hey, let her be! She is our last hope for good Tinsel-town parenting: nuclear family at its Hollywood -best.

    Give her a chance…Then if she pulls a Britney we can all tell it like it is. But she doesn’t seem to follow suit : this may be the only case of a profitable yet decent Mickey Mouse Club byproduct.

    Let´s not rain on her parade!!

  43. T.J.

    No, she FUCKED up her tits. Too big for her frame. I hate plastic tits & so should you! Don’t make these young girls think they should look like a Barbie Doll.

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