Christina Aguilera has super-MILF powers unlike those of mere mortal MILFs

May 15th, 2008 // 110 Comments

After a morning of heated political discussion punctuated with my undying love of Jessica Simpson’s breasts, I find it only fitting that I post something we all can agree on: Christina Aguilera and her ability to rule Planet MILF with an iron fist. Here she is getting ready to hit the club last night with her husband Jordan Bratsquatch. I also included shots of X-tina attending the Christian Dior event in NYC over the weekend. Just to emphasize the MILFy-ness that scientists are pretty sure can cure cancer. Or, at the very least, small pox.

NOTE: Does anyone know what egregious sin Christina Aguilera committed to get stuck with Bilbo Baggins as a mate? Did she pee on the Bible or, even worse, not do the laundry? Please, I can’t sleep at night until I know.

Photos: Splash News

  1. ph7

    @#48 Men: Illiterate Lifetime Fucks

  2. robert doosh

    Those are sure some great WEXFORD BOOBS.

  3. Anon

    looks like #51 got dumped recently

  4. Abby

    I hope she dresses down for her mommy and me groups!

  5. Kim Lard-ass-ian

    orange legs? she never did quite get it right with the fake tan, all that money and so fucked up. At least her face doesnt look as bad as it did.

  6. hot mess

    that kabbalah van behind her is really fucking with my subconcious…all of a sudden i have a heated desire to lick a tetragrammaton.

  7. deacon jones

    Not me Jimbo. I have a feeling it was that closet queen Mike

  8. FAIL.

    @51….that was such a reach. Sorry you fail.

  9. lisa

    oh cut her some slack she looks great.

  10. scooby

    Man ever since she got some meat on her she is just freaking irresistable.

  11. ldsqtbea

    love her shoes !!! my gosh … they are gorgeous … and yeah, her boobies (lol) have blue veins … im a mom and yeah … dont know if that happens to everyone or what … but yeah … okay lol

  12. andie

    I hate what she does to her eyebrows. Looks like a tranny or something. Why would she want to make her nice feminine eyebrows look like she’s trying to channel Rob Zombie or something? I hate them. Other than that, I think she looks good in these photos.

  13. Monty83

    That blue thing on her boob is actually a straw… Mommy num num!!

  14. toolboy

    Cheesa Cheesa!! You sure got a lot of pepperoni on those pizza’s lady!!
    #62- careful throwing stones at trannies on this site….they can be most vicious when offended.

  15. BunnyButt

    Much as I hate to admit it, Sasquatch cleans up better than I would’ve expected him to. To quote Ruby (32), “He may not be a Brad Pitt”; however, with his hair a bit longer and wearing a suit (and I don’t even like suits), he doesn’t inspire me to scream “Yeti” as he usually does.

    P.S. Would like the pink shoes better if the toes were pointed. Square toes just kill the sexy.

  16. sameshitdifferentyear

    First of all anyone deriding her in these pics because she has a vein or two has been raised on Playboy airbrushing too much.
    Dudes, big tits up close got veins. Big ones. Light skin makes them pop out even more. Irish chicks’ arms look blue you can see the veins so much, well guess what same thing with titties (yes CA is not Irish not my fucking point).

    That said her fake tits are way too big, personally get rid of all implants hate them with a passion, but when there is an actual crease-line at the chest-bone (sternum) you know it’s way too much of a not-so-good thing.

    This creature is a beauty though, look at that face and fresh skin. Hips coming in very nicely, and that bitchy look behind sunglasses is okay in small doses.

    Speaking of creatures, every guy deserves a shot at a hot girl, I’m not saying that, but, seriously, what, the, fuck.

    And finally, looks like Spiderman used the van behind her to crawl up a building or some shit. Nice arbitrary made up bullshit.

  17. lumiére

    Is it wrong for a young men to feel excited at the sight of huge, milk-dripping mamaries on a young beautiful woman? I say no *jerks off a huge load*

  18. lumiére

    Is it wrong for a young men to feel excited at the sight of huge, milk-dripping mammaries on a young beautiful woman? I say no *jerks off a huge load*

  19. Randal

    Well, real or not, it does not take away from the fact this girl can sing and dance with the best of them. Christina has been hitting the charts since her first album of Genie in a Bottle and has rubbed everyone the right way with her lyrical skills.

    She’s looking great here, especially after becoming a mother to a beautiful and healthy child, she deserves to get out and paint the town in Christina Red Lipstick color.

    Work it girl.


  20. Scarlett

    Jimbo- you are a pathetic individual who probably couldn’t get a chick if your life depended on it. What does race/ethnicity have to do with anything and why should it matter? People like you being alive is one of the reasons the human species isn’t evolving to their full potential.

    I think Christina is beautiful, her fashion sense needs fixing though…

  21. Mal Gusto

    I love the veins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  22. Auntie Kryst

    @10 Coach what makes you think Broadway Joe is going upstairs when he kicks the bucket??

  23. dan

    ewww her boobs are gross. the veins are busting out

  24. kay

    @10Vince Lombardi

    As a “WOMEN” learn how to spell it honey, I think its very chic. Not everything now a days need to match. The color of her choice blends well together. Are you sure you have a wife because only a HOMOsexual would notice that kind of thing on a women.

  25. FFS

    I always thought this chick was average looking at best. I’ve seen much more beautiful women on the streets. I don’t get it.

    And why the fuck does she wear so much God damn make-up? At her age she should be able to roll out of bed and still look decent.

    She looks tranny. Too blonde. Too much make-up. Implants too big for her frame. Trashy clothes. She looks like something you would find at a trailer park. (Except for the money thing).

    # 10– People don’t “match” anymore. It’s passe’.

  26. snarky

    what, is she trying to morph into an anna nicole smith clone now? sorry, but anna was naturally prettier and could pull off the whole cheap skank thing better. This cheap and tacky look is not flattering on Christina; she doesn’t have the bone structure, etc, to pull it off. And she’s trying way too hard to be some sexy icon. I admit, the girl can sing. But she just looks ridiculous with her bleached out hair, square toed (!!?) heels, too tight outfit, clown makeup, and big, fake, purple barney veined boobs. bleeeech

  27. I used to try creative spots to shoot up in, seeing those vascular mammarian globes of doom makes me think… oh wait, the bruising. Ah well, at least Bratsquatch would go to jail for battery maybe.



  29. my comment

    She’s adorable. Even with her cankles.

  30. Sasha

    @75 – I personally find the outfits she’s wearing very classy and in style. There isn’t anything “trashy” about unless you are referring to what she wore before in her “Stripped” days.

    @76- As a fashion student “Square” toes pumps are actually in this season then again someone who is up to date with fashion would know. Her outfit isn’t tight at all, it flatters her body and hey if I had a baby just 2 1/2 months ago I’d squeeze my ass back into the clothes I used to wear before I was pregnant too.

    I do agree however, that she needs to lay off the makeup. But, its good to see her in a different shade then red!

  31. Absolute fucking goddess–y’all are jealous–I know I am–of her ridiculously fugly husband.

  32. T.J.

    Don’t get me wrong, I like Christina. BUT, she F*CKED-UP her tits. TOOOOO big for her little frame. Looks weird.

  33. Drod

    I would love to motorboat those milk and silicone sweater puppies

  34. temp

    LOVE the white outfit.
    she looks hot.

  35. David

    jesus… really, jesus..

  36. BitchyBlonde

    @ 80

    Say what you want, but there is NOTHING, I mean NOTHING classy about CA.

    Other words that do not apply to her: refined, elegant, ladylike, graceful, cultivated

    She is many things, but a lady she aint.

  37. aw, i think he’s cute!

  38. sick

    what an ugly, large rat -faced, bowlegged, veiny fake boobed, transexual looking mess.

  39. jsscstm

    Mister The Superficial Writer!

    Nuthing really, I didn’t notice it until my sister pointed it out, but…

    I hope Xtina’s wearing stockings with the white suit because her legs are way, waayyyy off-color with her complexion starting from boobs and up.

    Really looks weird.:D

    Heh, heh. :D

  40. cenovis

    @80 Please shut up and go back to your trailer home. Just because something is “in” or “trendy” doesn’t mean it looks good. Case in point, Christina Aguilera. FFS, put down the fashion magazine and learn to form your own opinion.

    The things that are wrong with Christina Aguilera, let me count the ways:
    1) Makeup that only a tranny could love.
    2) Horrifying boob job w/freakish cleavage gap included.
    3) Bowlegged (although, I never noticed this until a poster in this thread pointed it out, thanks TheSuperficial!)
    4) Terrible f*cking fashion sense. Jesus Christ, we know you have tits! If your implants got any bigger I’d fully expect to see silicone shoot out of your nipples. And put on something YOUR SIZE. You are like a sausage goth but in reverse, (preppy sausage?) and you’re not even fat!

  41. Lana

    For those who comments on her.. “blue vein breast”….either

    1) Your not human
    2) You’ve never seen boobs before
    3) You probably never had a large chest

    As a natural and well endowed women .. I too have “blue vein breast”…even if your flat chest or a guy hate to break it to ya .. YOU DO HAVE VEINS!

  42. B

    I do believe the plural of Milf should be MILVES.

    Thank you.

  43. qwerty

    She look’s great, all though the lip-stick…meh. She needs to lay-off from it a little.

    She has “Flawless” skin.
    I love how people point out her less-significant flaws.

    Like her kneecaps, or something is wrong with her shoulders? They look fine to me, but then again most people here believe that a perfect woman is from “playboy” who is photoshopped to death.

    Comparing her to most other celebs, she looks like glamour any time she steps out of the house.
    Plus she has that thing called “talent” which is pretty rare in Hollywood.
    She is gorgeous, anyone who actually calls out on her “minimal” so-called flaws.
    Needs to get their head out of their ass. And see that she’s human.

  44. Lola1

    “she looks like an oldtime movie star… even if it took her 3 hours to do so.”

    Dude, watch oldtime movies, then look at that….

  45. Lola1

    “Well, real or not, it does not take away from the fact this girl can sing and dance with the best of them. ”

    No, not with the best of them, maybe the best of our time, but who is really really good ? Her music is generic and her voice can get on ones wick.

  46. Lola1

    “I think its very chic.”

    Do you wear Juicy Couture ?

  47. Lola1

    “Comparing her to most other celebs, she looks like glamour any time she steps out of the house.”

    The Hot Topic version ?

  48. jess

    she looks absolutely stunning… as always.

  49. Kate

    Why can’t you guys just see that she decides what she wants to wear, when she wants to. How many on here actually have amazing legs? Seriously just because you look good doesn’t mean you don’t have any flaws. Everyone does, and if you say your perfect then your just a liar. Plus, her breasts were much larger when she was pregnant, is it a sin to have large breasts after a baby? Or does it automaticly mean you had a boob job? I have some really close girl friends of mine that breast feed their little ones and their breasts are huge. Anyway would it really matter if she did infact get a boob job? it’s her body and i don’t see why everyone gets so bent about it. And to point out if you have read her interviews from a year back or so. It states that the only body piercings she left in where her nipple rings. You can breast feed with them, it’s actually pretty easy to do, from what i am told. But doctors frown apon giving breast implants to women who have them.

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