Christina Aguilera has super-MILF powers unlike those of mere mortal MILFs

May 15th, 2008 // 110 Comments

After a morning of heated political discussion punctuated with my undying love of Jessica Simpson’s breasts, I find it only fitting that I post something we all can agree on: Christina Aguilera and her ability to rule Planet MILF with an iron fist. Here she is getting ready to hit the club last night with her husband Jordan Bratsquatch. I also included shots of X-tina attending the Christian Dior event in NYC over the weekend. Just to emphasize the MILFy-ness that scientists are pretty sure can cure cancer. Or, at the very least, small pox.

NOTE: Does anyone know what egregious sin Christina Aguilera committed to get stuck with Bilbo Baggins as a mate? Did she pee on the Bible or, even worse, not do the laundry? Please, I can’t sleep at night until I know.

Photos: Splash News

  1. President Bill Clinton

    Ewww…… purple veiny things in her tits….

  2. kingofbeer

    mmmmmm melons

  3. edamame

    Ah, back to the 70s!

  4. nick

    is she made of plastic? 100 percent sillicone? is she even real? damn…she used to look somewhat natural, now she looks like a barbie orange barbie doll with baloons attached..

  5. Nope. No way will I let my cock get covered in spic.

  6. Racer X

    Nice rack..

  7. Ben Dover

    I will still so hit that! Why oh why did she marry a troll?

  8. veggi

    “Does anyone know what egregious sin Christina Aguilera committed to get stuck with Bilbo Baggins as a mate?”

    Sin? He’s successful and has tons of money, unlike the lazy dumb fat hairy beer bellied/titted guys on this site, who are the only ones who’d ask “why?” when the answer is obvious to anybody with a real life.

  9. it’s cuz she’s in the Occult and that fugly troll she married is her little handler.

  10. Vince Lombardi

    Wimmen help me out here…. sorta a pearl white jacket/skirt combo, turquoise/ ice blue purse, black nails, electric pink heels???

    Did my dead wife Marie miss the memo that says that’s a fucked up combo? I mean, that’s nearly as bad as that namby-pamby drunk Namath wearing panty hose back in the 70s…. wait ’til I see him after he dies….

    I’m done. She ain’t all that anyway.

  11. I think it’s pretty sad when FRIST!!! needs to give Christina Fucking Aguilera fashion tips..

  12. nick

    ahhhh Ben, the Troll looks good, at least she hasnt barbie-fied him yet

  13. What am I saying? Even Jimbo could dress her better than THAT!!

  14. Will

    She looks like a man in drag with the heavy make up and platnium blonde hair. I hate her horrible implant gap cleavage. She’s a mess.

  15. Maelstrom

    #8….so that proves that you can look like shit but if you have money you can land the “hotties”. I thought women married for love, not the money….at least that is what all the golddiggers, I mean “women” say.

  16. lola

    eeeeek… so not a fan of displaying those big blue veins.

  17. Yo

    Moron, those “purple veiny things in her tits” are probably, um veins. Most humans have them, for future reference. Are you one of the geniuses that thinks magazine photos aren’t airbrushed or photoshopped?

  18. Beavis

    BOOBIES!!! heh-heh heh-heh…uhh, wait…no…um, heh-heh, I thought boobies were supposed to GIVE you a blue-veiner, not HAVE blue-veiners, heh-heh heh-heh…

  19. pistola

    she DOES have heavy make-up, but she did it well! she looks like an oldtime movie star… even if it took her 3 hours to do so.

  20. Rat

    She still has SKANK legs, must be part African American.

  21. President Bill Clinton


    Veins in tits? No shit, dumbass.

    But the last time I saw a blue vein that big, I was looking at the big throbbing one between my legs, just before your momma hopped on it.

  22. Wow… I’m lubing up a couple of large tupperware tubs and milking the cow as we speak… or read, as it were…

  23. Golddiggers

    Something tells me that Christina didn’t exactly go into that relationship a pauper, dear. Is it golddigging when a millionaire marries a millionaire?

  24. Rick

    I wouldn’t call INS if she tried to crawl under the fence…hold on, I just got a good look at her face. Make that, crawl under the fence backwards.

  25. Yo

    Yeah, I’m sure yours is HUGE too. Idiot.

  26. Titties Galore

    Her tits are SO fake. We all thought she was breastfeeding.
    She must have opted for the C-section/breast enhancement combo surgery.

  27. jazzhands

    Fish, did your mom used to piss on your laundry?

  28. Fugulera Ratman

    Her boobs are probably so veiny because they’re breastfeeding boobies. That and because her naturally flat chestedness has been stretched to extremes to accomadate those implants.

    But the LEGS!!!! UGGGGHHHHH EWWWWW! Why don’t more people mention her hideous legs? She and Mischa Barton have, HANDS DOWN, the worst legs in Hollywood. Bowl legged, calves-less, funky kneed, disgusting.

  29. General Tao

    The electric pink heels go perfectly with that pure white outfit – it breaks it up so she doesn’t look like a bride. Just for the record.

    Also, she is wearing a ton of makeup, as usual, but I’d hardly say she was orange….she looks excessively pale to me, actually.

  30. Jumpin_


  31. missywissy

    Come on. She’s a mother. I’m a mother of two and I would never be walking around in public with my titties hanging out of my shirt. Besides, isn’t it the child that’s supposed to beg for attention? What a class act wanna-be.

  32. Ruby

    I think her husband looks adorable. He may not be a Brad Pitt, but at least he isn’t one of those metrosexuals who steal your conditioner.

  33. havoc

    Damn. All kinds of juicy goodness.


  34. britney's weave

    perhaps she should have opted for calf implants over the tits…

  35. Solaera

    Wow. She’s really bow-legged.

  36. Yuck

    I can’t stand her. She has the hugest ego. I think she is talented but no talent is ever enough for anyone to think you’re above other people. Her ego needs it’s own zip code it’s so large.

  37. jazzhands

    This is neither here nor there……………….. but you know how funny it would be to hear Tom Cruise say “I’m way above that.”

  38. ph7

    She’s a Sex Machine!

  39. hot mess

    she is freaking amazing. i am getting a hard on just looking at these pics – and i’m a chick for chrissakes. i love the dude in the last pic…he’s alll “uhhhhhh cannot…move…boobies…coming at me…boooobies”"

  40. ineedyou

    Anyone that tattoos their husbands name above their ass is a GOD. I will honestly kill an innocent person to be married to her.

  41. Ted Mosby

    Let’s just say her vocals aren’t good in just the record studio.

  42. shibuya_jones

    nectar pie,the white dress and those shoes effin rool!

  43. I can’t get over the fact that Bratman always looks like he is on the verge of a huge bowel movement. Dude always has that confused, painful look on his face, with just a hint of a smile.

  44. bakinmycake

    got Milk?

  45. Ok, that’s been more than long enough. Get the fucking spic and the fucking jew off the fucking page.

  46. deacon jones

    God, i would fuck this chick forever

  47. deacon jones

    Jimbo, don’t say shit about her like that just because you have a small penis. I partied with her one night in vegas. Shes hot man. And she gave me fuck me eyes all night. Don’t haaaaaaate bro.

  48. shae

    maybe i’m an idiot but what does MILF mean?

  49. Akare

    EASY!!!!!!! Have you seen her without make up????????

  50. Mother I’d Like to Fuck……..

    I LOVE the dress and I think the pink heels are a perfect match for the white outfit……as long as she’s wearing pretty pink panties to match.

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