Christina Aguilera, what in the hell?

October 15th, 2008 // 61 Comments

Christina Aguilera performed for the final show of the “Africa Rising!” event at Royal Albert Hall in London last night. She also apparently showed up wearing my grandmother’s quilt as a turtleneck. Thanks, that wasn’t a family heirloom or anything. Anyway, the night eventually got boobified when Christina took the stage and made her trademark faces that left me surprised she didn’t birth a baby brother for Max Liron right there on the spot.

CHRISTINA: OOOOoooooooOoo Aaaahhaaahao oOOOoo!
STAGEHAND: Ma,am, you just gave birth.
CHRISTINA: OooooOOO! Aaahaahah!
STAGEHAND: No, really, lady, it looks like a Sasquatch. We know it’s your husband’s.
CHRISTINA: Heeeeey a heeeyeey OOOooo AAAHH!
STAGEHAND: Ma’am, there’s an entire audience of witnesses.
CHRISTINA: Put it by the druuuhuuh druhuuhuhuuuuh drums!
STAGEHAND: There’s another one coming isn’t there?
CHRISTINA: *plop*

superficial

  1. Brooke

    Oh me, what can I really say about Christina? At least like some of her piers she hasn’t self destructed YET! Accept for that goofy looking husband of hers, but honestly it seems she has always had poor taste in men, she seems quite stable. The only thing that really annoys me about her is that she seems to be kinda snobby. Has anyone else noticed this? She just comes across kind of like she thinks she is so much better than anyone else. Like those looks she was giving Britney after she won her awards at the MTV awards this year. She has always acted like she hated Britney, which I don’t understand. What has Britney done to her? She seems to have no sympathy for Britney at all. Even though she seems like a really hateful person, I still give her props for not ending up having a gay coked out looking lover like LiLo or with a nervous breakdown like Britney.

  2. v tard

    Holy crap. She looks like the blonde one from ABBA in the 1970s with that weird white suit.

  3. This PROSTITUTE-LOOKALIKE is just too SICK for spending words on, folks!!

  4. she’s got that Twisted Sister thing going on.

  5. MightyD

    Seriously! That outfit is probably outlawed in places for causing epilepsy…

  6. That ridiculous colored outfit looks like something my grandmother would’ve worn, and so does that shade of lipstick. R.I.P. Gramma :(

  7. PinkMan

    So, from 1999-to-2003, Britney Spears was this totally smokin’ hot teenage sex goddess who had men everywhere drooling in their pants. Meanwhile, Christina Aguilera was this nasty-looking, skanky, unsexy second bananna who had not nearly as many male admirers. The final straw came when Christina dyed her hair black.

    Then, from 2004-to-2007, Britney married K-Fed, popped out two kids and stopped being hot. Then after divorcing K-Fed, she became even less hot by showing her poochie to the world, shaving her head then heading to the psycho ward. Around this same time, Christina actually became sorta’ hot with her throwback to Old Hollywood. This was, in truth, the hottest she has ever been. She was actually, for a very brief moment, hotter than Britney.

    Now, 2008, Christina is back to being the ugly second bananna while Britney is once again the #1 HOTTEST woman on the planet!!

  8. sloan

    #51, the reason christina hates britney is simple…the bitch is jealous!

    when britney had her kids, the whole wide world stop, but when christina had her baby, she had to bribe a friggin’ magazine for baby photos!

    all britney had to do was show up at the beginning of the VMAs for a few seconds, then pick up a bunch of awards and look hot! christina actually performed but looked like joe elliott from def leppard on hormone replacement pills.

    britney’s “womanizer” is #1, while christina’s “keeps getting better” barely made a blip.

    britney’s comeback is the most talked about in the world. while people could give two squirts about christina’s “comeback”.

    finally………britney is one of the sexiest women in the world by being wholesome and virginal, while christina pushes herself to be sexy…she just doesn’t have it.

    BRITNEY SPEARS 2009!!!!

  9. Broke Babby Wagon

    Brooke Hogan…is that you?

  10. Summer

    She-Man anyone?

  11. stainonmyshirt

    oh britney spears is a million times sexier and way more beautiful. christina was sort of pretty at one point when she first came out but she just keeps skanking herself up. britney even on her worst day always looks so breathtakingly beautiful like a little angel. christina could never be as great as britney.

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