Christina Aguilera, what in the hell?

October 15th, 2008 // 61 Comments

Christina Aguilera performed for the final show of the “Africa Rising!” event at Royal Albert Hall in London last night. She also apparently showed up wearing my grandmother’s quilt as a turtleneck. Thanks, that wasn’t a family heirloom or anything. Anyway, the night eventually got boobified when Christina took the stage and made her trademark faces that left me surprised she didn’t birth a baby brother for Max Liron right there on the spot.

CHRISTINA: OOOOoooooooOoo Aaaahhaaahao oOOOoo!
STAGEHAND: Ma,am, you just gave birth.
CHRISTINA: OooooOOO! Aaahaahah!
STAGEHAND: No, really, lady, it looks like a Sasquatch. We know it’s your husband’s.
CHRISTINA: Heeeeey a heeeyeey OOOooo AAAHH!
STAGEHAND: Ma’am, there’s an entire audience of witnesses.
CHRISTINA: Put it by the druuuhuuh druhuuhuhuuuuh drums!
STAGEHAND: There’s another one coming isn’t there?
CHRISTINA: *plop*

superficial

  1. polly

    Hate the hair, and orange skin!!!!

  2. CaptainMorgan

    She should sing the song “beautiful” to try and feel better about herself.

    ( x )=33

  3. kneejerkoff

    Stupid fucking cunt monkey.

    God-dang whore.

  4. mamadough

    wow. i think she needs a “randal” moment. because damn.

  5. da mighty perv

    points for using stagehands in the joke. nice to see my work metioned on the net.

  6. da mighty perv

    points for using stagehands in the joke. nice to see my work metioned on the net.

  7. Vince Lombardi

    Dammit, Christina, that was my favorite shower curtain!

  8. Dirty Hairy

    She is trying to hard to be the next celebrity freak and doing a great job. Pancake make-up, huge fake tits, and a stupid haircut are a good start.

  9. Dirty Hairy

    Western civilization is decaying. Our celebrities have become circus freaks much like the last days of the Roman Empire.

  10. free lily

    looks like cindy brady

  11. haha

    look at the kid in the back he looks like he’s about to cry hahahahaha

  12. veggi

    It was a big mistake to bring the spics down from the trees.

  13. havoc

    She’s lost some weight.

    Good for Linda Hogan!

    huh?

    oh……

    .

  14. Sport

    Skanky.

  15. Gumby

    They must hand out ludes with every ticket, otherwise how could you convince people to throw money away to watch this talentless turd perform?

  16. “Africa Rising!” — are you kidding me??? Here’s what their web site says:
    “Africans are rising to their continent’s challenges. Everyday Africans, with hope and joy. We can follow their lead, we can be their partners.”

    Yeah right. Africa’s a mess. With independence from European colonial rule came chaos, followed by famine and genocide. Honestly, what did you expect?

    “We can follow their lead”??? What, by fucking a monkey and bringing HIV into the human population? No thanks.

  17. where did the huge baby milk boobs go. I miss them.

  18. rikki

    I wonder what it feels like to be a walking cartoon character?

  19. Simone

    You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

  20. Eh

    Christina is talented enough to be able to look like a doofus and still have musical credibility. But she is also too talented to require the constant attention-hungry costumes.

    Sad thing is, she looks 100% prettier without all the war paint:

    http://theskinnywebsite.com/site/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/spl54220_003.jpg

    http://theskinnywebsite.com/site/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/spl54603_006.jpg

  21. All of us

    Looking forward to the old man’s final meltdown tonight. Visible pee, do you think? Gonna be a landslide next month. Buh bigh red meat retards.

  22. Hello socialism and redistribution of wealth! I’m barack huesein obama and i approve this message.

  23. Tricky Dick

    She used to be normal and talented. Now her talent has been drowned out by her weirdness

  24. I see that fugly dude shes with even manage to foul her face, whats going on? she aint looking cute no more…

  25. Danklin24

    Hey does anyone remember when this girl was hot? Yeah, long time ago but i swear, she was.

  26. Well, I love Christina Aguilera….I love her voice, music, and think she always looks great. And considering she rather recently gave birth, she looks absolutely fantastic. But….the 2 outfits here, it does make me stop and wonder what her stylist was thinking….

    Oh well…..is her new album out? I love that new song

  27. @dirtyhairy: however, not so sure what you are talking about with “fake tits”–she’s always had big ones, and she just had a baby, so they are still pretty big….she’s never had surgery though, no way she ever needed it!

  28. martygras9

    Is that Paul Sorvino next to her?

  29. Mr. Knievel

    She totally looks like the chick from Abba in that white pants get up.

  30. bnalh

    ewww. there’s fucking christina faguilera. uglier and more trashy. whys she going for a new look now?

  31. duh

    #23– “Hello socialism and redistribution of wealth! I’m barack huesein obama and i approve this message.”

    It’s already happened (does $700 billion ring a bell? plus the additional $300 billion that McCain proposed?). It was proposed by the Bush administration and carried out by his Treasury Secretary. It’s done – for now. Given the lack of improvement so far, I’m sure there will be more redistribution in the near future.

    The federal government now controls capital markets in America. Federal control of capital markets is an essential part of socialism.

    Try to keep up, retard.

  32. the pixinator

    She would actually look pretty in that top with normal-colored skin, a nude lipstick, and brown hair. Stylist, NE1?

  33. WTF?

    Eeeek! Drag queen!

  34. Jeff

    THE EIGHTIES ARE BACK AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!

  35. mafme

    “23. Obama will lose to Palin – October 15, 2008 4:34 PM

    “Hello socialism and redistribution of wealth! I’m barack huesein obama and i approve this message.”

    You ignorant ass! What do you think that corporate bailouts are? Jesus H christ could you be any stupider? Do you prefer deregulation and other repug tactics that end in redistributing what little wealth the average person has to the wealthy? Why don’t you just go burn your money. What we need, really, is 4 – 12 more years of republicans borrowing billions of dollars from foreign banks to finance their pointless wars that only benefit a fraction of a percent of the population. Your willful self-destruction is fine if you want to go blow your money on meth, hookers, or gambling– go ahead and do it! But don’t screw up my country and fuck everyone else over in the process, ignoramus.

  36. Joe C

    Run Krusty Run! That woman next to you in the picture is the one that killed Selena.

  37. Joe C

    Run Krusty Run! That woman next to you in the picture is the one that killed Selena.

  38. Urbanspaceman

    Why does she insist on looking like a character in a Tex Avery cartoon?

  39. monkey gooble

    Seriously thought that was Brooke Hogan!

  40. stephanie

    Oh my gosh, she’s becoming Liza Minelli.

  41. Doy to Duh

    The government here is without power folks. The elite pull the strings through the Fed to Wall Street and secret funds have rigged the whole system which is a tower of cards built on a foundation of wind and it is crashing. We the poor and middle class are going to have it rough very soon. That is why we have Obama with his message of “Hope”.
    He is a beacon of potential in the sense that a match will give us enough light to walk through a long dark cave. Hard to day when and if we are coming out and what will be on the other side.
    Maybe debt serfdom?

  42. Lilo

    She is slowly but firmly becoming Cher

  43. Beav

    She’s like a walking advertisement for Telemundo.

  44. died laughing

    That commentary was to die for…I looove the witty shit superficial comes up with. OOooOO AAaaaHHH LOL!!

  45. Plastique

    Has she thought about a sex tape to revive her career?

  46. SIN

    She was in England. Just trying to fit in with those people. They are still living in the 70′s over there.

  47. What is she doing? She was the hottest pregnant women I can remember and was definitely a MILF right after she popped out the kid. What’s her deal now? She sorta looks like a white version of Jackee Harry.

  48. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

    How many times do you silly boys have to be told that this girl is fucking hideous? It’s like you’re Charlize Theron on Arrested Development and you just keep eating that gross PLASTIC fruit. READ CAREFULLY: This bitch is not nutritious, this bitch is not delicious, this bitch is a fake plastic piece of crap. Fucking fuck I can’t stand this butt fucking ugly circus freak. Put this whore next to Mila Kunis and you will see she is not even a woman.

    P.S. She’s fat.

  49. jim

    Who shot the couch?

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