Because it’s Saturday, here’s pictures of Christina Aguilera’s giant breasts launching her new perfume “Inspire” at Macy’s in Glendale, Calif. last night. Christ, it seems like everybody has their own fragrance these days – and I want some of that action. Debuting exclusively on this site through an incredible offer, I present to you my new signature scent:
“Laid Magnet” by Superficial
A soft, delicately masculine but womanly blend of those smelly beads you put in your car’s ashtray, wine in a box, and Listerine. All passionately punctuated with a subtle hint of a Slim Jim I used to stir everything together in my shoe until I blacked out.
It will leave him/her/your cat breathless….
Order now for the low, low price of your credit card number in the comments section. Guaranteed shipping before Christmas – but not really. How’s March sound?
For this once-in-a-lifetime promotion to work, you must never do the following: 1. Check your credit statement for discrepancies. 2. Contact law enforcement. 3. Question my sudden acquisition of a solid gold speedboat driven by an albino tiger.
No refunds. I know where you live.