Christina Aguilera is having twins

October 25th, 2007 // 100 Comments

Christina Aguilera is expecting twins, according to a reliable source for the NY Daily News. That’s interesting. I was shocked to learn that her husband Sasquatch could mate with humans, and now I find out he not only reproduces, he multiplies. Fascinating stuff. Will Christina try to raise the kids in captivity or in the wild? Somebody needs to do an Animal Planet special on these two and record it for me. I’m too busy fighting terrorism with a knife between my teeth.

NOTE: Some might say that posting pictures of celebrity breasts isn’t really fighting terrorism. Newsflash: Terrorists hate boobs. If someone you know hates female mammary glands, report them immediately to the nearest Office of Homeland Security. I’m just going to sit here now and wait for my Congressional Medal of Honor. Man, I’ve earned it.


  1. What the deuce?

  2. funkycrime

    Looks like an insufferable bitch. Thank god she has her third two cousins to fill in as illegal nannys. That way she at least has a few moments for the rape date we set.

  3. Queefer Bukakke

    Pregnant or not, I still want to bury my dick in her.

  4. WTF?

    God he is soooooo ugly. He must have a great personality AND a giant cock.

  5. #52 that’s pail man, that’s really bucket.

  6. Christina is nothing like Britney. And whats up with people calling pregnant woman fat. We cant help it. Dont ever have kids because you will get “fat” and for the males dont have kids either because your wife will get “fat”.

  7. funkycrime

    Alright its more of a bondage thing… but the cousins did promise to mop up. thanks Frist, my bad.

  8. ugh.

    when is this boner gonna go away?

  9. KamUK

    She’s much better than Britney – apart from the make up can’t fault her really, she even picked an ugly midget guy so he’d be less likely to stray away from home.

  10. mel

    So, the guy who writes for the Superficial can make fun of Jesus on a regular basis, but if Halle Barry makes one crack about Jews, it’s “anti-semite” and Hitler, and the Holocaust.

    Fuck your goddamn double standards. For all the misery Israel creates, the Jews have a few jokes coming.

    Never a problem when Jay wants to do a joke about a Muslim fucking a camel, huh?

    Fuck you.

  11. congrats on twins by an ugly dude

  12. below it all

    Seriously? I have patiently waited for the last six months or so…..hoping the old writer/s would return. Enough of the adolescent fascination with the things I need not mention here……..the site used to be genuinely FUNNY . Anyhow, when writing a joke, please try to have a little truth in it. Note: Men have absolutely nothing to do with the making of twins…period

  13. she looks beautyful. much luck to her!!

  14. Bob

    what’s with all these pregnant women I want to fuck Halle Berry this girl Gaqrcelle Beuvis or whatever the fuck her name is

  15. below it all..IQ-wise

    “Men have absolutely nothing to do with the making of twins…period”

    I didn’t know twins were always immaculate conceptions. #62, I’m sure you’re not yet acquainted with this, but sometimes “insemination” doesn’t involve 10 guys jerking off on your face.

  16. bitch

    wigger slut, looks like a half puerto rican from the bronx.
    i hate her and her rat clown face.
    and those ugly ass bowed legs.
    piece of trash trying to sing like a black woman in church
    i hope those babies rip your clit ring right out.

  17. Tess

    OMG people don’t ever have kids, you’ll get FAT! Parents, grandparents, siblings, everyone gets FAT! That’s right, FAT!

    What the fuck guys, you’re obsessing about thighs getting bigger during pregnancy and all the fatness of celebrities.. Look around I’m sure you’ll see real fat people. It’s impossible to stop any kind of weight gain when you’re pregnant and if someone does, well that’s just fucked up and risking the pregnancy.

  18. Tess

    Although I have to ask.. is that Britney’s new sidekick back there? Hopefully not.

  19. halloween

    i can’t wait to wear my honey bee costume tonight.
    i will wear whore makeup like this.
    im a brunette so i won’t have whore hair.

  20. O'Malley

    She’s half Irish, it’s mandatory she have at least 8 kids.
    So having twins is a good head start.

  21. bitch

    i think you mean Catholics in particular O’Malley. She is also half spic and needs to fill up the van.

  22. Hot Damn!

    @ 54 Yes, he has a long thick one. 9 1/2 inches long and wider than i could fit my hand around, and he knows how to use it

  23. squab

    Pregnancy and kids are gross in general.

  24. squab you must be grossed out with yourself too…you were once a kid werent you?

  25. she looks very sexy……

  26. gotmilk?

    42 & 43, did i miss something? how is she dressed like a slut? she’s covered from head to toe.

    66, wow. might want to seek therapy for your racism, bitterness & anger.

    her face isn’t THAT orange, except in pictures 2-5. wtc is going on there? she really does look like a jack o lantern.

  27. Bill Maher is such an asshole-he’s like a cross between Martin Short and Picard during the Bad Hairpiece Days of Fall. KFC: we don’t make the food that feeds the stars, we make the hate that roasts the birds.

  28. yikes

    what a fucking idiot. she can barely speak and looks like an ugly pointy faced drag queen 24/7
    but i guess that is better than looking like a musk-rat ( her without makeup)
    i am really afraid to see those demond twins. if they end up not ugly, i will know that God is real.. because there is no way that could happen in nature.

  29. BOO!

    she looks like a bloated cartoon when you look at the 1st pic.
    why does she wear THAT much makeup when she is wearing a hoodie at the same time.
    she must actually know that she is ugly.

  30. Jesus

    Oh, Me. Those kids will be some hairy oompa-loompa muthafuckers.

  31. Tits McCholo

    she actually looks pretty for the first time in awhile – filling out her face a little is nice. I don’t like all the makeup, and her blonde hair is annoying since she’s naturally more of a strawberry blonde/light brown, but I think the twins thing is just kinda a hispanic thing, they run in my hispanic/latin family, and with J-Lo having twins, maybe it’s just a ” ‘spic” thing as all the haters say.

  32. em

    why is everybody bashing those of us who either don’t like children or don’t want them, or both. kids aren’t for everybody.

  33. Ted from LA

    She already has twins.

    That first photo is not her. It’s Boy George.

  34. Feckless

    Wait! What was the joke about the Muslim fucking the camel? I miss everything.

  35. Feckless

    #65 Tell that to Tom Cruise’s wife.


  36. Shallow Val

    4 Ooba gooba (BTW love the name)

    She always looks pissed. I think the chick was born with a permanent scoul on her ugly clown-face mug. And you’re right, she’s probably mad to be preggers and even more so to be having two monkeys.

  37. Valerie hates talentless hacks

    What I can’t stand about her is the pancake make up she spackles on to hide her natural and rather cute freckles.

  38. Shallow Scowl

    I meant scowl

  39. Shallow Scowl

    I just realized what Halle Berrys problem is…..she’s stupid. She was asked to quote about the fire in Cali and she said “It’s Mother Nature, and she’s angry.” I mean, I never really heard her say anything deep, but when I read that, I was like “BING” I got it. She’s stupid and has only trite things to spout.

    I couldn’t find any Halle Berry blogs so I thougt I’d put it in another useless cunts blog.

    HA, YEAH, I said it!!!!

  40. Blee

    Ah, Christina, always looking so natural.

  41. diana

    you people are retards. there’s nothing wrong with what she’s wearing, she’s completely covered & as for fat.. if you havn’t noticed she’s fucking pregnant. there’s a a fucking baby – or 2 in this case – inside her so grow the fuck up. fucking dumbass lowlives.

  42. blizzy

    Look yall #12 & #66 are competing for the best display of ignorance online award. Vote for your favorites at (read it fast, laff, and move on people.)

    On the real though – she better hope them kids don’t look like hubby. He’s so ugly he could’ve been corky’s stunt double.

  43. Sher

    everyones just jealous…she looks great pregnant…and twins?..thats great,good for her!!

  44. Dick RIchards (Right)

    I hate Aguilera. She’s one of those singers that think by over-powering the music, they’re really singing. Lame. Just because you have a massive voice, doesn’t mean you can actually carry the music. Christina has way too much confidence too. Anytime I’ve seen her singing live, she struts out to the front of the stage bow-legged, screaming at the top-of her lungs like a real “pro”. The voice is so fucking loud that it’s flat. I bet she passed all of her singing courses. She’s such a singer. Not like Britney Spears or one of those Mickey Mouse club doushes. Wait, she was on the Mickey Mouse show? That’s the reason behind her acting like a stupid trash-whore; she had to seperate herself from the herd of Mickey singers. Ha!

    I pray that her twins come out with one of the babys inside of the others abdomin.

  45. asscrack

    Man I am glad I am not the only one with a chub, thought there was something wrong with me.

  46. twins? no wonder her stomach is so huge! good for her.

  47. jane doe

    she was in PHENOMINAL shape before the pregnancy, her body will bounce back & we all know she will work HARD to get her figure back.

    christina has a personal trainer friend and i can garantee she will bounce back

  48. Gloria

    she is having a baby, cangradulations. even she will be a mother,but her propile on is still very popular.

  49. fucker

    shame on you people who think shes a whore because of you she ran out side
    and curled up in a ball and cryed poor gal.

  50. lovely gal


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