Christina Aguilera is an Oompa Loompa

January 16th, 2007 // 50 Comments
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superficial

  1. Are these girls competing for scuzziest boyfriend?

  2. MrSemprini

    I’m not saying first.

    I think its her clone that orange because of the replicative error

  3. mike hawk

    second. damn the flies. and fakebaking.

  4. 4DPants

    Doompa dee doo!

  5. Flush it all away

    Aside from the over-sprayed tan, all I can say is…she married that guy? Really? He must have a lot of money. Or maybe she was attracted to his jug ears and fat-lipped catfish pout. Or maybe it was the anemic, Nosferatic complexion. Or the creepy little beady eyes. Or… (I could go on for days.)

    Guys, it goes to show: if this creature can land Christina Aquilera, there’s hope for us all.

  6. Is it just me, or does he always look like he is either worried fucking sick or in the middle of a bowel movement? Granted, Aggie always looks stoned, I can accept that, but her man looks fucking concerned and shit.

  7. Jenster

    and its appropriate to wear your grandma’s clothes to the Ivy? It must be nice to be famous.

  8. bigponie

    with 3 middle fingers in her pocket, it looks as if she has the itch to fingerbang herself.

  9. Lowlands

    Maybe a sudden gust of wind came from the left and some skin-pigment came off this Kurdish guy and landed on Christina?

  10. Spock's Left Nut

    I guess if you wear your Sid Vicious T-shirt you can bang just about anyone. Gotta get me one.

  11. polypam

    Give the girl a break. That’s what happens when your diet only consists of carrots.

  12. diarrhea riot

    @7- He does look suspiciously like he’s got a flash-dump approaching. I heard The Prune-tini is a Ivy favorite….
    What a choad.

  13. Spray on tans should be illegal.

  14. Lowlands

    You can see on the first pic,he feels like he’s suddenly naked after that sudden gust of wind was passed.

  15. Italian Stallion

    Her Jew boyfriend is looking more and more like AL-Qaeda everytime I see him……….

  16. Lowlands

    Anyways,in the third pic it seems like he’s getting his confidence back.Though he still holding Christina her hand in a scrupulous way.

  17. Pointandlaugh

    her husband is a DORK. WTF? She could have any man she wants, and she chose…..THAT guy?

  18. frenchtoaststix

    If she’s an Oompa Looompa, maybe he does have a “chocolate factory” going on.

    At least Xtina seems more together than Shitney. We don’t see Xtina’s coochie every five minutes. Which is a blessed relief.

  19. jesseeca

    i don’t get why people are always surprised that she married someone who’s not a male model. this happens in every-day life. get over it. maybe if everyone married for looks alone, the divorce rate would be 99%.

  20. DancingQueen

    Man this guy must have a really big cock.

  21. suzy

    i think they’re cute together

  22. youdontwannaknow

    He looks like he just smells. I don’t get the whole vagabond boyfriend/husband accessory.

  23. no one you know

    I’m guessing that this orange complexion is the result of one of those spray-on tan concoctions…can you imagine how bad she must smell? And how often her clothes get ruined by it? When you’re rich you must be able to just walk around stinking and ruining your clothes every five minutes. I guess Christina has more in common with Britney than she originally thought.

  24. Toychainsaw

    You’d think this guy (who looks like he just lost a chess tornament) would be SMILING his face off from ear to ear infront of the paparazzi.

    Seriously! CHeck out the girl he’s next to! By the looks of him he’s chances of scoring anyone as attractive as Christina is like his odds of winning the superbowl with his ears.

    It looks like Christina is way happier than he is! The guys a douucchheeeee bag.

  25. RussianMafia

    She probably treats him like shit and he is demasculated daily by people’s comments about their match (see above). Divorce is a-comin’. He will bang some averagish Jewish girl with a tit job who is like a secretary at the studio next to his. To up his ego.

  26. Chilli

    Kind of looks like she has rolled around in a vat of cheetos.

  27. Boogie Monster

    HAHAHAHAHAHA @ # 16!

  28. XeoRad

    Remember when she was head-to-head in competition with Spears? I told my wife that Aguilera would win, because she could actually sing. As long as she didn’t become a raging slutbag – oops, my bad. At least I got the singing part right – for now….

  29. ResidentX

    Come on…who would marry Christina after Dirrty? She’s lucky she got a man to make a commitment. You can tell their headed to divorce. Every picture he looks so dissatisfied. Most guys hate constant attention. Having to fake it all the time is unnatural. But women do it well ;-)

  30. Sheva

    Orange or not, I’d hit that little smurfy, dirty girl.
    I know the jewish dude got there first, okay, so I’ll use a condom.

    Don’t want him raising my kid.

  31. machinegundolly

    in the last photo you can tell she’s not REALLY that orange. ive seen muchmuch worse.

    and her husband may not be the hottest thing ever. but again. ive seen muchmuch worse. & they’re in love and happy. so what? yay for them, i say.

  32. Kristin

    Maybe he makes her laugh?

  33. ResidentX

    #32, I like the Smurfy comment. I laughed because I haven’t that word in years. That brings back memories. Remember when we used to use smurf for everything? Actually, she looks like Avril in that hat. I went to dictionary.com and know smurf has a defined meaning. The good old days are gone. Xtina still has tight body. I’d smurf it.

  34. Truthseeker013

    I’m sure that there are several million men on the planet who have since come to realize that their penises *don’t have eyes*…

  35. Mick

    I like her husband, he’s adorable.
    Plus, she doesn’t look orange in that 3rd picture… I’d say it’s most likely the flashing lights making her skin look different but flashing lights will usually make you look pale not orange.

  36. ResidentX

    I’m sure those lips can create some incredible sucking pressure on that Xtina_ussy. Maybe that’s his problem. He wants to go home and smurf it but the paparzi’s halting his progress. Women are funny. When they’re in the mood you have to move quick. By the time they get home, she’s probably exhausted from smiling and waving and just needs “support.” Imagine this, week after week after week after week of this. Being married to a hot chick who’s “dirrty” and not getting any will may you angry. That’s a living hell. Being in the friends/protector zone sucks.

  37. cheatedhearts

    Oompa Loompa doopadeedoo!

  38. kathleen170

    She does look stoned all of the time. And her skin isn’t helping her look much. Ew, fake orange tans!

  39. kitty_kat

    What could Christina possibly see in him? Hmmmm… yeah it must be his personality…

  40. Shelley Bonnechance

    My dad has a hat just like Christina’s. He wears it when he shovels the snow off his driveway. It looks funny on him, too. But he’s not the color of a clementine so it doesn’t look quite as odd on him as it does on her.

    It seems that so many of these pretty entertainer chippies marry these unwashed, sullen young men who look like their idea of a good time is going shopping for Birkenstocks or heroin. Or both. You’d think with all the expensive orthodontic work kids get in the United States, you’d occasionally see some of the results on display.

  41. RichPort

    #16 – HA! I could have sworn that guy got killed in the season premiere of 24…

  42. Pikachelsea

    Haha. Her husband is great. I don’t know who I’m gonna end up marrying but at least I can rest assured that he’ll be better-looking than Christina Aguilera’s dude.

  43. Candycane

    Christina could be greener than the Incredible Hulk and she would still be 100x hotter than Britney/Lindsay/Paris/Nicole/etc. combined…She really is gorgeous, and I think after all ended up being very likable. She doesn’t try to get the paparazzi’s attention; Xtina gets all of her fame for what she deserves it for=her good music.

    Don’t know a thing about Bratman, so can’t judge. But based on her lyrics, I would like to assume they are happy and he only looks so miserable because he is shy and doesn’t live for cameras.

    Think about Nick and Jessica, always grinning their faces off and popping up all over the damn place together declaring their happiness. Saw how well that ended.

  44. ResidentX

    Does anyone have pictures of Xtina without her makeup? I have seen many stars without make up and they are almost unrecognizable.

  45. UNCLE NED

    This pudgy, big-eared, pasty guy is my hero. Somehow, he got XTina, so I say good for him. She’s probably into the sensitive type…

  46. bright orange = tanning accident, lol

  47. Lauren

    I honestly don’t think shes that orange, its just compared to her pasty as husband, she looks orange but shes probably a normal colour, just looks freaky next to her albinoed skinned hubby.

  48. Italian Stallion and you still a faggot for having a name like that.

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