Christina Aguilera is a chameleon

March 23rd, 2007 // 145 Comments
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I’m starting to think that Christina Aguilera is color blind. That’s the only explanation for why she’s always three shades more orange than every other person on the planet. It’s like self tanner and orange highlighter are the same shade of gray to her so she just goes with the orange highlighter because it’s always on sale. It’s weird, because she showed up to the Nylon celebration looking fairly decent, and then just a day later she was spotted leaving her hotel in NYC looking like this. This is exactly what a pod person pretending to be Christina Aguilera would look like. Only they’d probably do a better job of match the skin tone of humans.

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superficial

  1. johnnycake

    and yet, she had the nerve to wear white glasses against cheesy skin like that… unforgiveable…

  2. geenasmum

    second…. again
    fukin oompa loompa

  3. BarbadoSlim

    Bitch looks sleazy and greasy, hit it but don’t forget to bring a rag.

  4. MrSemprini

    On the plus side, she still has her monkey. Isn’t it cute that he’s dressed like a real person.

  5. woodhorse

    she is taking lessons on how to be a retired Jewish woman in Florida from her mother-in-law.

  6. A

    I love her color, being tanned is so much more attractive than pasty white skin

  7. BarbadoSlim

    Her boyfriend is one the people who killed jesus you know.

  8. herb3

    Look at the size of his ears! Dumbo?

  9. blondi

    marrying a ballsack like that really cleaned up her personal image tho. now everyone “realizes” how unsuperficial she must be. smart career move.

  10. sexybitch

    Her idol Marilyn Monroe may have been screwed up, but at least she never had skin the color of a marshmallow peanut.

  11. baybee_doll

    erm. . . nice tan christina. *sarcastically*

  12. She lives closer to the sun than the rest of us.

  13. DrPhowstus

    This is one orange I would love to peel. I’d look forward to geting my fingers all sticky on the rind. MMMMMMMMMM….. And the whole citrus thing works especially well since she has two grapefruit halves implanted on her chest.

  14. woodhorse

    Jason has to spray her before sex. The combination of pesticide and tanning lotion causes the color to be a bit off. If she goes back to having sex with his friends, her color may return to normal.

  15. Fifth Stooge

    #15- Jason is what I call my dick.

  16. Fifth Stooge

    #14 also- Jason is what I call my dick.

  17. jrzmommy

    Orange you glad, Christina? tee hee.

  18. Danielle♥

    You people and your “Tan in a Bottle”.

    So pathetic, yet amusing at the same time.

  19. DrPhowstus

    Fat girls love hearts.

  20. Danielle♥

    @19.

    And *fugliness personified* is your stage name at the “Hit a Stripper, Win a Prize” roofless shack that ya work at.

    Your point?

  21. DrPhowstus

    @20 — I was making a general statement lady, geeeeez. You porky people sure proceed to get unproperly pissed, probably post-menapausal palpatations.

  22. Danielle♥

    @21.

    You making a “general statement” is like a fly turning into a unicorn or michael jackson’s attraction to ice cream instead of little boys, it AIN’T gonna happen.

    So why don’t you take your *general statement* and shove it up your hairy, hasn’t been cleaned since Easter 04′, so flat it barely provides cushion ASS.

    P.S.

    It’s okay that you’re obese (yeah, ya know you are) because atleast you have less time to live. So we ALL win.

    Now go finish your Cheetos and post something on the actual story.

  23. Dan

    First.

  24. Danielle♥

    Like me.

    I always post on the actual story.

    And I’m *funny* every time unlike the rest of yor fugly ASSES.

  25. DrPhowstus

    I did post something on the story at #13, silly. And I’m not sure where your anger is coming from (please DO NOT say over 400 years of discrimination). I simply had a thought that I inadvertently typed out. So your saying fat chicks hate hearts? Maybe it’s because yours is the size of a carburator. They sell medication for that you know.

  26. Danielle♥

    @24.

    Get a life and quit posting under my name you product of beastiality.

  27. jrzmommy

    DanYELL, you can put all the little hearts next to your name you want but it will never make up for the fact that you are a Sasquatch.

  28. DrPhowstus

    Sasquatch has a small heart too. And is much nicer to its biological and evolutionary superiors.

  29. Danielle♥

    Oh jrz…..or is that you?

    I can’t fucking tell anymore with the troll infestation and all but, whatever. Your right. I’m getting rid of this fucking lame ass heart, it’s a task having to post the code everytime I log in. Whatever.

    Ya heard that “danielle”? Maybe the next time ‘it’ posts, Jizz Dispenser and whoever the fuck else will be able to distinguish between me and the troll.

  30. danielle

    Ahhhh.

    Now, where was I? Oh yeah @28 your mother requests your services in her snatch. Get to it.

  31. DrPhowstus

    @30 — (insert cartoon music usually heard after Wile E Coyote has an Acme bomb blow up in his face)

  32. jrzmommy

    Now who else calls you Sasquatch? Of course it’s me! Just to prove it’s really me……..
    DanYELL so stupid she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

  33. shanonorato

    At least she’s not wearing that ridiculous red Gwen Stefani wannabe lipstick.

  34. DrPhowstus

    “Thaaaaaaat’s right Xtina… you like it when I call you that? (fwapfwapfwapfwap) Don’t move your face a fucking inch… thaaaaat’s it… no leave the glasses on bitch… open your mouth, good girl (fwapfwapfwapfwap) no, bitch, I’ll get my hand off of your throat when I’m done (fwapfwapfwapfwap) fuck breathing bitch… open up, that’s it… HOOOOOOOOLY MOTHER TEREEEEEEESAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!”

    Now get out.

  35. danielle

    @31.

    (Enter a dick. This is usually the part when DNA blows up in your face.)

    @32.

    What in the hell? That doesn’t even make sense. Did one of your 14 children tell ya that one? And guess what?

    You’re so stupid that ya confused Tylenol with a “Do It Yourself Floor Installment”.

    So go fuck yourself ya dingbat.

  36. DrPhowstus

    From the Oxford English Dictionary:

    2 : lacking needful or desirable substance : WEAK, INEFFECTUAL, UNORIGONAL ; see also: TROLLISH

    e.g. : You’re so stupid that ya confused Tylenol with a “Do It Yourself Floor Installment”.

  37. DrPhowstus

    Good lord, I forgot to write that as the definition to LAME. My bad (that’s the right usage, right?)

  38. danielle

    Yay!

    The Doc finally has distinguished between the trollster “danielle” and the real ‘classy’ one.

    How many vodka’s did THAT take?

  39. jrzmommy

    “You’re so stupid that ya confused Tylenol with a “Do It Yourself Floor Installment”.

    What ever could she mean?

  40. danielle

    I’m the real ‘classy’ one. I can tell cuz I’ve got DNA on my face, k?

    Have some more vodka’s, TROLL.

  41. danielle

    @40.

    I’m not even gonna reply to you. Why would I even say some shit like that? I know that’s you maxi, or maybe it’s not but…who cares? The idiots can finally distinguish between the two so…

    You can go buy that riffle now. Run along now. I think your mother’s about to challenge you to a BDSM showdown.

    Shoo.

  42. jrzmommy

    a riffle?
    DanYELL, the sad thing is that it’s very hard to distinguish the real you from the troll you…you’re equally incoherent and humorless. Have you thought about funny school?

  43. danielle

    JizzDispenser,

    Come on now. Ok fine, ask me a fucking question that ONLY “danielle aka sasquatch” would know.

    This feud has gone on since early 2006.

    Think of something.

  44. kamihi

    Xtinas colour is freakish somewhat like a cheesy Nniknak or Cheetos. Lordy, I hope she doesn’t smell like them.

  45. jrzmommy

    early 2006? no no no. More like September or August 2006.
    Okay…..Sas…DanYELL..what high school in DC do I think you attended?
    What’s across the street from Trinity?
    And tell me the name of one of the two apartment complexes across from Trinity. Not Edgewood Terrace, either.

  46. Geicocaveman

    #43 Who cares? Do you think you could shut your fat yap for more than half a day? Use your fist if there’s nothing else big enough.

  47. Geicocaveman

    Looks like Cheetos had to do something with all that powder now that Britney’s not eating them.

  48. danielle

    Oh yeah. The feud between Biatcho and I started in June, nevermind.

    Catholic is across from Trinity. I don’t know what complexes those are. I never look over there. But, I do remember you telling me after my “Infamous” sorry note that I should watch out for men running around stealing purses or whatever the fuck you said about it being dangerous. Whatever. It’s me. I’m not gonna go back in the threads, like some people I know, and search for answers.

    God, I’m not THAT unfunny, am I? If ya still don’t believe me, ask another question doofus.

  49. danielle

    @46.

    How about I use my foot in your ass?

    Now shut the hell up ya dyke bitch!

  50. appolloblu

    @46 really! those two juvinille delinquents need to get a room, I mean they got up this early and this is the best they can do? boring! least you can do is come up with something entertaining to say re the true reason we are all here, in case you forgot it’s to make fun of celebs, not hash out your personal insecurities first thing in the morning for all to read, I mean how pathetic are you?

    Fish ~ where’s my ANS up date?

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