Christina Aguilera graces the cover of the latest issue of Marie Claire magazine in nothing but a leather jacket. Awesome, right? I mean, if you ignore the growing child in her Photoshopped belly. Christina talked to the magazine about her magical journey carrying Sasquatch’s child:
On trying to conceive with Jordan Bratman:
“We were planning on starting to try after the [Nov. 2006-May 2007 Back to Basics] tour. And so, I had gone off the Pill to prepare my body, because I didn’t know how much time it would take. You’ve heard it takes some time – except with Power Egg and Super Sperm here.”
On secretly wearing a heart monitor during her concerts:
“I didn’t want to make the audience uncomfortable, like, ‘Pregnant lady onstage! Is she going to be okay?’ But I had to announce it to my band and my dancers, because I wanted to make sure they had my back.”
On Paris Hilton letting the cat out of the bag:
“Because I hadn’t said anything, people thought I was trying to keep it this big, bad secret, and that’s not the case at all. I just wasn’t commenting. I’m not being like, ‘Hey, everybody, I’m pregnant!’ I’m not that girl.”
For all you female readers, I hope you’re empowered by this tale of pregnant stuff and clandestine heart monitors. In the meantime, I can’t stop thinking about Christina Aguilera referring to Jordan Bratman as “Super Sperm.” If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to remedy this situation by stepping outside and putting my face in front of a moving vehicle. Hopefully, the driver isn’t stricken by my natural beauty and doesn’t swerve into a building taking his/her own life instead. I swear it happens every goddamn time I leave the house.
big | November 28, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Nice belly
haha | November 28, 2007 at 1:32 pm
first!
LazeeBug | November 28, 2007 at 1:34 pm
FIRST!
princess.sweathog. | November 28, 2007 at 1:35 pm
most pregnant women are hot, she, however isn’t.
yuck!
my happy pants | November 28, 2007 at 1:35 pm
me like…..
bigger | November 28, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Very hot chic
veggi | November 28, 2007 at 1:35 pm
That’s photoshopped. It’s Christina’s head on Britney’s body..
joejoe | November 28, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Gee, never saw THIS coming…Thanks, Christina, but Demi already wrecked it for me! …Wonder what she got paid for THAT cover. Any ideas?
LazeeBug | November 28, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Darn it! I need to move faster next time — then again, why bother.
Robin Claire | November 28, 2007 at 1:37 pm
SUPER SPERM. AAHAHHAHAHA. all i can imagine are little sperms with that guys face on them.
crotch rot | November 28, 2007 at 1:37 pm
EWWWW! Who knew trannies could get pregnant? She looks RIDICULOUS. They must’ve run out of orange makeup trying to make her whole body match that drag-queen face.
Cate | November 28, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Why is she so fat?
Laudanum | November 28, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Fuck me sideways with a shovel! Why in the hell does the second picture look so goddamn weird?!
Hot Latest Gossip | November 28, 2007 at 1:41 pm
where’s the stretch marks??? its good to have photoshop!
veggi | November 28, 2007 at 1:42 pm
@13- no shit!! she’s like a flying giant pixie..no…she’s like a… GAWD! I don’t know!! It scares me though..
teddy | November 28, 2007 at 1:42 pm
gonna be one ugly little jew baby.
Donkey Ass | November 28, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Gross…
Riotboy | November 28, 2007 at 1:42 pm
LAST!
/she looks good prego.
//fo reals
survey sez | November 28, 2007 at 1:46 pm
i love how she doesn’t want to brag about being pregnant then she gets naked with her bay bump for a mag seen in grocery stores, newsstands, and libraries all over the world, no, she’s not an attention whore.
chucky | November 28, 2007 at 1:46 pm
EEEEYYYYEEEEEWWWWWW! imagine screwing jordan ratface!!! yeeeeeeuuuch! i can’t think of anything that would turn me off more!
Malffy Hernandes | November 28, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Ugghhh
DeLight | November 28, 2007 at 1:49 pm
#14 – Idiot. You don’t get stretch marks until after you’re deflated. Jeez!!
Shallow Val | November 28, 2007 at 1:51 pm
She’s still ugly as fuck since the last post. Fake-assed overbearing, showboating ugly preggeo asswipe chownmask who can’t stay away from the bleach bottle no matter how pregnant she is.
And don’t remind be that she is a natural blonde, because she’s not THAT blonde, OKAY!
p911gt10c | November 28, 2007 at 1:52 pm
it’s not as bad as I thought it’d be.
Oh, #2, and 3, you’re both losers.
LayDeeBug | November 28, 2007 at 1:52 pm
3 – Yo, ankle biter, you are such a hack.
pissy skank | November 28, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Just threw up everything from an entire week.
@23- – Not only the bleach bottle, the Fug Fake also wears blue color contacts.
veggi | November 28, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Shallow Val! You need a drink, don’t ya!!! Here, since FRIST is slacking, I made “painkillers” for everyone!!!!!..
yukadoozer | November 28, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Aww. They really tried here. She’s no Demi. (or Bruce).
Can’t decide which is more putrid-her self-crowning Mrs. UberFertile or those swollen pregnant feet stuffed into spikes.
RENEE... | November 28, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Thats disgusting. She looks hideous. This seriously grossed me out. How completly classless. I’m so sick of these pregnant celebs that decide now is the right time to pose nude. She thinks she’s all sexy; she just looks gross. And her bleached out beyond belief yellow, green tinged hair just tops it off. Like when a girl with completly damaged and bleached out hair goes into a pool with chlorine… Just lovely. Not only that, but you know the pics were photoshopped beyond belief to make her figure look better. I’m so freakin sick of photoshop; lets see the real deal people. And “power egg & super sperm”, huh? Yich, gross me out some more. Thinking of her & her hubby going at it makes me want to heave. Oh, and as she said, “I’m not that girl” I don’t go around announcing I’m pregnant. No, I’m the other girl…the one who goes and poses naked in a magazine when I’m preggers instead. What a tool. …Okay, where’s all my rage coming from? I don’t know why, but this really pissed me off. Okay, much better now, thank you.
Brit | November 28, 2007 at 2:02 pm
I think Christina looks gorgeous here..in the fully naked pic she looks so happ!1 thats what pregnant women are supposed to look like..thats what makes them beautiful..
i think its become the thing for mags to get pregnant women to get naked.. they must think it looks great or sells well..and i think that the people who have done it have looked nice. even britney looked good in her shoot.
i dont think demi or britney looked as happy in their shoots as Xtina does here..so good for her!
people keep saying “oh she wouldnt talk about it and now she’ll show it off” ..well maybe now that the attention is there she’s realized she may as well embrace it and show it off and just be happy and discuss it..i bet you people will ask her barely anything else about her life right now.
thats my rant..i think she looks amazing.
cockdoodler | November 28, 2007 at 2:02 pm
That is the ugliest shade of fucking fake blonde I’ve ever seen. Looks like a lemon meringe pie (to all the dummies “meringe” is pronounced MER-RANG)
She is such a bleccch!
leatherdaddy | November 28, 2007 at 2:04 pm
i dont remember this momma to be every wearing more then two pieces of clothing on a magazine cover. not that i want that anyways. theres nothing natural about her. im over the porn look that hollywood/media/music industry/& so on keeps throwing at us.
Shallow Val | November 28, 2007 at 2:04 pm
your rite veggi. Either I’m ovulating or I’m pissed because I need to get laid. I don’t know but here’s my cup, fill it up.
(swallows a painkiller with an apple martini)
Laudanum | November 28, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Errr, no #30. Most pregnant women actually resemble the rest of the human race. Christina looks way out there
Shallow Val | November 28, 2007 at 2:06 pm
29 – I like your style. Meet me behind the bleachers and I’ll share my painkillers with you. (rattles cup)
veggi | November 28, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Wait!
For!
MEEEEEEEEE!!!!
(I can’t run ya’ll! The ice keeps falling out of the cup!)..
Hypocrits? | November 28, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Funny how they obviously put her on there to show the “Beautiful Pregnant Woman” but then photoshop the shit out of the picture so it doesn’t look ugly…go America!!
Texas Tranny | November 28, 2007 at 2:14 pm
ShallowVal,
I think I can help you :-o
gotmilk? | November 28, 2007 at 2:15 pm
22 – no, you are misinformed. but i love how you’re so confident that you think you are 100% correct, when in fact, you are a heaping pile of stupid and wrong.
aa | November 28, 2007 at 2:19 pm
bitches today are so unoriginal. demi did this better than any of these tired copy cats.
Nefarious Crotch Kicker | November 28, 2007 at 2:20 pm
#26 No Kidding. Hey Fish, Who’s going to clean up all this vomit? If ever there was a time to put your black bars and NSFW warnings, this was it. I don’t no whats more disgusting, the projectile vomit coating the entire room, or these pictures of Christina Aguilera.
Dutch | November 28, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Can anyone verify she is pregnant, cause Ben and Jerry’s is all out of;
whiny bitchy Ice Cream.
Yeah, I said it! | November 28, 2007 at 2:26 pm
Ugly people think this hag is cute.
Shallow Val | November 28, 2007 at 2:27 pm
TT – if I was in Texas I would be ALL OVER IT!!!!! And you KNOW this!!!!!!
Shallow Val | November 28, 2007 at 2:28 pm
39 – Bwahahahahah! OMG, (wipes away tear) NICE comback!!!!!
steve | November 28, 2007 at 2:33 pm
is there anything this has-been won’t do for publicity?
Skanky, vapid whore.
Texas Tranny | November 28, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Shallow Val,
Send a message to my myspace page.
sportsdvl | November 28, 2007 at 2:37 pm
#42 hahahaha
mixedmartialartvideos.com | November 28, 2007 at 2:45 pm
ya she should go back to brunette again
can any on here SPELL? | November 28, 2007 at 2:48 pm
It’s meringue actually, your pronunciation is correct but your spelling was off.