Christina Aguilera at the Maxim 100th Issue Party

April 10th, 2006 // 189 Comments
superficial

  1. Never has my blog more justified itself than in the presence of this hot chick and this douchebag.

    http://hotchickswithdouchebags.blogspot.com/

  2. Jenny

    Somebody got a boob job as a wedding gift!

  3. mamacita

    God Bless America!!! She looks so awesome lately! The weirdest thing is that this guy always looks so utterly and completely bored. It’s guys like that, though, that turn out to be all wild and super awesome in the sex department. Maybe that’s why she’s with him. Well, not the only reason, but you know what I mean.

  4. Jenny

    what the hell is on the inside of her left arm?

  5. burningjello

    its amazing what an expensive pushup bra and several hours in makeup and a bottle of peroxide can do. their union is explained by the fact that without all of that stuff, she looks just as plain and homely as him.

  6. mamacita

    #4

    Looks like a tattoo to me.

  7. evelyn

    wow!!!

    i’ve never seen her look so decent!

    she really shaped up.

  8. Maybe he never got the memo that she’s a dirrty skank

  9. Pearly

    He looks like a ma ma monkey and she has the worst case of capsular contracture I have ever seen. Nice “boobs.”

  10. gordy

    Oh come on people…check that brow and those lips. His good looks are completely below the waist.

  11. shoefly

    She’s had boob job for awhile. I think she looks great. They seem like a really happy couple.

  12. chilichz

    I still don’t get this “beauty and the beast” combo. But there is no denying that Christina can sing her ass and every other assorted body part off! Married life and talented MAC artist have made her look hot…better than when she dyed her hair black and was pierced up the ying-yang! I’d rather see/listen to her than hear another idiotic word outta skank whores like Paris Hilton!

  13. amajean040904

    ewwwwwwww there veiny

  14. Chris'sMom

    There should be a rule that if the person you are with gets a fake tan you should too. Look how rediculously pasty this guy looks.
    Christina would be descent looking if her boob job was a bit better. One seems a little higher than the other, and agreed capsular contraction is present.
    But I gotta give some credit to her, she is wearing clothes.

  15. Doc

    wow, she does look amazing there… shes obviously had her boobs done a couple of times, but who cares? but her husband makes me so upset and confused at the same time… wtf?

  16. TaiTai

    What is that weird blue place on her breast? Looks like a bulging vein but I didn’t think your boobs were supposed to do that. Stretch marks maybe? And man that is one fugly dude she married.

  17. hotterthanyou

    oh wow – xtina, i applaud your transformation no matter how many plastic surgeons/peroxide bottles/image consultants it took. you look 10x better than your blonde counterpart brit brit. and props for picking a winner like Jordan – i’m sure he’s fully qualified in area other than looks.

  18. So tacky! God, she didn’t need to go there.

    Her nasty implants are made worse with her unnecessary push up bra.

    Bad. Bad. bad.

    Sad thing is… picture her with small boobs and she’d look better than Britney and Jessica.

  19. heifferzzz

    didn’t Maxim announce her as this years ‘hottest woman alive?’ & if this is true, what the hell is the world coming to when fug mctart bitter (yes she does hate Brits more than us; pre-fatness)pam look-alikes top such a list? oh, wait i forgot, eva whoregoria topped it last year so it can only get better. slow is the progress however.

  20. BigJim

    Yep, them pontoons is most definitely silicone grown.

    Still, I’d fuck her.

  21. kel

    She has SEX with THAT GUY??! And she MARRIED him… so she has sex with him ON PURPOSE??!

    I don’t even wanna imagine his O-face.

  22. Dee

    whoa!!! those things just smacked me in the head…wow..but not such a great boob job…

  23. kitty_kat

    What happened to Christina? When will women realize that huge boobs aren’t for everyone??? She has DDs and absolutely no ass (refer to 4th picture). She looks ridiculous!

  24. downshine

    they arent fake, shes always had big boobs. i have 34b’s but with the right push up bra i magically have c’s, its not magic its victoria secret!

  25. Pez_D_Spencer

    #4 That’s the Chinese character for “Shoot smack here”.

    She is looking pretty good, though.

  26. Dear Christina,

    You will never be Marilyn Monroe. She had ten times more class than you will ever be.

    Thank you,

    ILovePapaSmurf

  27. Eh, that is what I get for being too tired.

    Whatever, she sucks.

  28. SuperSpence

    Aguilera looks as good without makeup as I do and I never wear makeup. Even though I’d love to. It would go wonderful with my push-up bras.

  29. Iambananas

    Okay, that girl used to be so cute, but now she just looks like a weird trashy Pam-Anderson wanna be. Seriously, the third picture looks like Pamela Anderson’s clone. And whats with her weird arms? Kinda hairy.

  30. PapaHotNuts

    I understand that having a good personality goes a long way with a woman, but ya’ll still have to look at the motherfucker in the morning. How can she…I mean what is she.. did she lose a bet? Is she blind in one eye and can’t see out the other? He looks like he should be hosting a Yom Kippur dinner rather than be at the Maxim party. He must live in a cave or somewhere void of sunlight. Just look at the last picture. Seriously, stop reading this and go look at that pic and come right back. I’ll wait here.

    What the fuck? I’m confused to the point of nausea.

  31. al rarow

    i would jack that ass like a looter in a riot.

  32. BarbadoSlim

    The girl sure can sing that’s for sure, buuut she’s a USDA grade A skank as well, worse than Britney.

    And speaking of Britney, has anyone heard that song slamming her dirtbag of a hubby? you haven’t you say?
    well, here ya go(it’s wigga please) http://www.myspace.com/discothekidrules

  33. Mr. Fritz

    #26, you are so right. However Marilyn Monroe would be considered obese these days. It’s a shame because she was the way women should look. Christina is ugly in the face and has to pose like a porno star to get attention. Her mouth’s open and she’s arching her back to give men hardons. Sorry, ugly ho, leave the skankiness to the professionals.

  34. BarbadoSlim

    Oh, and I’d hit that faster than Tom Cruise hits the cock…which he loves.

  35. suzy

    he’s got money people!!! he’s like a producer or something!

  36. polypam

    Christina used to be the celeb that really got under my skin (now Lindsay has that job covered). Admittedly, she looks much better these days (excluding those AWFUL fake tits). But now instead of being a tattooed-pierced-floor-humping-dreadlocked-poseur, she wants to be a “lady”, which I guess means trying to capture the essence of Marilyn Monroe (real original, Christina).

    Oh and Jordan, he’s a Jewish boy and apparently they’re well-endowed (can’t confirm that, though, and I am also a member of the Tribe…oi).

  37. beeotch

    Is he a Beastie Boy? He is gross.

  38. #33 Since when is a size 10 considered “obese?”

    Marilyn was smart and sexy woman, and Christina is nothing like Marilyn. Nor will she ever be. I think seeing her “Marilyn”-esque shoot for ‘Jane’ magazine made me want to cancel my subscription right then and there. Besides, who does she think she is Madonna?

  39. Italian Stallion

    I think ILOVEPAPASMURF should change her name to ILOVEMARILYNMONROE and CHEESECAKE….

    Oh, and nice boobies, me likey…..

  40. ziggurat

    I would be willing to contract syphilis to hit that.

  41. Italian Stallion

    Must be Ron Jeremy’s missing son………Shalom…..

  42. blackblackheart

    Xtina’s looking better than ever and you’re all just jealous… and no I’m not kidding -_-

  43. blackblackheart

    Oh yeah and her husband’s fucking ugly.

  44. gogoboots

    I must say he landed quite a hot tamale there, however, she has grown quite rapidly in the boob area, must be the best push up bra in the history of the world, or she got some wonderful falsies!

  45. A2ROX

    to #33- Marilyn Monroe would NOT be considered obese these days! What are you talking about? Have you seen any of her films, or photos? I agree that she looks womanly, but she wouldn’t be even close to obese these days. They say she wore like a size 8 at that time, but sizes were way smaller at that time than now, so she was probably more like a 5/6. Her weight did fluctuate, though, but not to the point of obesity.

    And I don’t see any capsular contraction. That’s when part of the breast implant collapses inward, and her boobs are quite round. Weirdly spaced, though.

  46. Is it just me, or is she morphing into Jenna Jameson? Ridiculous cans, a giant mouth, and a gaping wound between her legs? Not that there’s anything wrong with that….

  47. eatitbitch

    Marilyn Monroe was averaged to be about a size 12.

    anyway, christina looks better than — err — she has in the last couple-ish years. her rack is huge, real or fake? i wonder.

  48. gogoboots

    Xtina’s husband is so dorky he makes my boyfriend look HOT in comparison!

  49. pepper brooks

    I’d hit it.

    with a crowbar.

  50. Where the heck did these new orbs come from? Did they come from space?

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