Christina Aguilera makes Jordan Bratman so happy

June 5th, 2007 // 129 Comments

Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman were spotted in New York last night celebrating Bratman’s 30th birthday with a Hawaiian themed party. And judging by his expression I’d say he had a blast. I’ve seen children who just found out they have cancer that look happier than this.

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  1. sandy

    LOL @ Chauncy Gardner’s sound effects and lyrics(?). Esp. the long Braaaatman.

  2. freakoid

    yum! because wimmin who wear body stockings with swimsuits are soooo hot! just ask kirsty ally!

  3. Chirpy

    (He must be very nice.)

  4. Chirpy

    (He must be very nice.)

  5. sandy

    He looks so BUMMED. My boyfriend should give me some diamonds and flowers just because I would never do this to him.

  6. The Superfish guy is on coke

    Somebody finally told her to lay off the tanning bed. That orange shit does not look good. You live in California for fuck’s sake. Just lay out in your back yard and only tan the ass and the titties in the bed.

  7. Stew

    As ugly as this fucking guy is he should be happy he sleeps in the same bed as Christina Aguilera. On another note, if this dude is hitting it then he is truly God’s child and is blessed for life.

  8. Erka

    what an ugly couple.

  9. dickritchey

    check this out, it’s better…

  10. Okay this guy MUST have a big wang and/or is fabulous in bed because he looks like a creepy troll-man.

  11. troublebunny

    Is it just me, or does anyone else think he looks like a cartoon mouse?

  12. BOMP


  13. Lobo

    The guy is the kind of coyote ugly that when he wakes up in the morning, she’s trying to gnaw his pecker off.

  14. bob0so

    Does Xtina strike anyone else as venturing into Boy George territory?

  15. WowJustWow

    If that was a Hawaiian-themed party, what the fk is she supposed to be? Since when do Hawaiians dress like cheezy hotel maids?

  16. troublebunny

    It’s Fievel! Fievel Mouskowitz from American Tail! That’s who he looks like!

  17. Hollie

    I’ve seen children who just found out they have cancer that look happier than this.

  18. Um, Gwen Stefani called; she wants her one-piece swimsuit from her last tour.

  19. her make=up lookz
    like zhit…….
    hez got dumbo earz.
    damn U think all
    that money, he
    would have them
    pinned back….

  20. no1justminda

    You’d look like that too, if you tried to kiss your wife on the cheek and all you get is an inch of makeup caked on your lips. Doesn’t leave a good taste in your mouth for sure!

  21. DahliaRose

    Her mother must have forgotten to potty train her. Otherwise, she wouldn’t still be wearing diapers. Poor thing.

  22. mabbo

    Well I see Xtina is fat again. Man, she is ALWAYS copying Britney Spears. Britney married white trash, then so did Christina. What next, Chris gonna pop out two kids in a year and a half too? Britney is chubby and so now is Xtina, LOL. Despite the big voice, poor poor Christina will always be SECOND to Britney, which is kinda sad. I hear that Xtina’s new album is not selling very well. Time to get Stripped and dirrty again.

  23. Choocher

    You folks act like you’ve never seen that spoiled semite “I smell kitty litter” look etched on the faces of yahudeys from Loowong Island to Pwahm Springs. The last time that rat-faced spawn of a moneylender ever experienced adversity was the day of his Bris. He needs to get chased around by some Cossacks or sumpn, jar him out of his privileged hell. Then he’ll learn how to play the violin or embroider hannukah hats, some kind of contribution so he can experience the joy of giving . Friggin parasite. Not to sound hateful or bitter, though.

  24. cosmetologist

    I bet he has a hairy back, too.

  25. Saera


  26. Lindsay

    Why the hell did she marry him? He must have a huge, huge wang. But even so – WTF

  27. star69

    Never underestimate the power of a giant shlong! And the power of bleach and the power of gallons of makeup!

  28. zuzuspetals

    He’s really sad that she isn’t wearing enough makeup
    today. Only 14 layers, not 20.

  29. Hope she doesn’t get preggo .. that’d be an ugly fucking baby

  30. Casey

    Is there a reason she’s not wearing a ring?

  31. sarah

    I think she is pregnant. Either that or she is really chunking up. Her face looks really swollen in these pics and so do her boobs. That would also explain the hideous white thing tied around her waist.

  32. carsten5577

    That’s one ugly jewboy.

  33. #72=Brittney(mommiefreakindearezt)
    can not sing..thatz why she fakez
    it like Ashlee Simpzon, azzhole…

    chriztina on the other hand, can
    sing the shit outta anyone, bitch.
    stop kizzen mommiedeareztz azzhole,
    she can’t do anything except, wear
    shitty clothez, drezz like a 14 yr.
    old, and of courze ignore her kidz!

  34. frenchie

    …. umm … nothing

  35. bill brasky

    what’s that on the inside of her left arm?
    and what are those big things on the side of his head….wait those are his ears

  36. DT1018

    I don’t care how big a man’s penis is, ugly is still ugly.

  37. Pope Nyx

    Um… two things. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE WEARING ON HER LEGS? Are those orthopedic support tights?

    Also, when the page first loaded, I didn’t even recognize her. I thought, “Who is the horse-faced blonde I’ve never seen before?”

  38. ctti

    What the hell is she wearing?!!

    Also, forgive me for stating the obvious but that husband of hers is butt-ugly. I do like Christina but this is…EWW.

    Just when you thought things were taking a turn for the better…

  39. why do these stars always marry – instead just buying a dog when they need some unpretentious company?!

  40. Guy

    Well I think it is (don’t know the right word here) great to see that Christina married someone that isn’t really good looking, but probably married him because of his personality.

  41. Daisy

    Looks like she’s hiding a baby bump.

  42. techclerk


    I counted eight “S”es in your post!

  43. techclerk

    His shirt says he’ll get “leid” tonight….

    He looks like an idiot haoulie tourist and he knows it. She dressed him, I’ll bet.

  44. techclerk


    What are you talking about? Ugly parents have adorably cute babies… and then those babies grow up to be just as fugly as the parents.

  45. theoriginalmilf

    What’s up with the two red marks on her arm? It looks like she got drunk one night (or sober, if you really wanna psychoanalyze her) and tried slitting her wrist. Except, of course, she never finished kindergarten and thinks her elbow is her wrist.

    Besides that, she’s still hot. If you like looking at trannies who can’t dress them themselves.

  46. Darth Hater

    Did we just go an entire day without a Li-Ho, Shitney, or Parasite post? That’s got to be like one of the seven seals or four horsemen.
    Why must she wear Tammy-Faye makeup all the time? Sheesh. Sometimes less is more.

  47. G to tha regama

    I love that I click on one of the photos and the add at the bottom of the page is ‘collectable barbies’ !! :D

    I’d still hit it, and her husband can’t even buy decent kicks! Fool.

  48. Angie

    She’s the ugliest tranny that i’ve ever seen.

  49. T-Bone

    I’m sure I’ve got it…He looks bored because he spends his nights BONING CHRISTINA AGUILERA. A Hawaiian-themed party? YAWN.

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