Christina Aguilera makes Jordan Bratman so happy

June 5th, 2007 // 129 Comments

Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman were spotted in New York last night celebrating Bratman’s 30th birthday with a Hawaiian themed party. And judging by his expression I’d say he had a blast. I’ve seen children who just found out they have cancer that look happier than this.

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  1. Bort Simpsoy


  2. i get his “Hawaiian” look. but what is she supposed to be?

  3. She looks like Skanky Hawaiian Fluffer Barbi.

  4. Kate

    She’s got an ANGRY INCH

  5. Kate

    Hawaiian Themed? I thought she was supposed to be HEDWIG

  6. Jimbo ∞

    Nice sausage-casing legs. Plump and bowed, just like when you take them off the grill.

  7. Ooba Gooba

    This guy either has a ton of money or a huge schlong, cause he sure ain’t pretty.

  8. Kate

    My sex change operation got botched
    My guardian angel fell asleep on the watch
    Now all I’ve got is a barbie doll crotch
    I’ve got an angry inch

    Six inches forward and five inches back
    I got a
    I got an angry inch
    Six inches forward and five inches back
    I got a
    I got an angry inch

  9. schack

    dammit, the maid’s been eating the chocolates and stealing the pantyhose again.

  10. Kate


  11. Rachael

    She’s so gorgeous him yeah well not so much. To score a girl like that and look like he does he must be an extemely nice guy or yeah what #7 said – have an extremely large penis.

  12. Jimbo

    @6 Thanks troll, that was kind of funny.

  13. Drewus

    Looks like his plumbing is backed up! I gladly change positions with him and……… have her scream in my ear.

  14. Jimbo

    Christina is dating that troll? The guy must either be able to lick his forehead or he’s hanging to his knees

  15. wedgeone

    He looks like he’s going along with it because he doesn’t want to be dumped by his hot girlfriend.
    She looks like she has no idea what planet she’s currently living on. Can we see her on “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?”

  16. Zeke

    Now we know what happened to Gabe Kaplan’s love child..

  17. wedgeone

    One more thing – where’s her Hawaiian outfit? He’s wearing the grass skirt and she isn’t?
    Damn – we know who runs this relationship.

  18. He’s prolly tired just trying to keep Xtina happy!

    Paris Hilton Prison Game:

  19. skankalicious mom

    They are both so ugly they deserve each other.

  20. She’d be so pretty if she ditch about a pound of that make-up

  21. bamboozled

    AWWWWE HELLL NO. Whut she wearin’? Dis girl trippin fo real peeps! That ain’t no hawaiian outfit. Girl been runnin round in minnie mouses underwear drawer.

  22. Eyeballs

    That’s the look of a husband on his birthday that just finished waitin 12 hours for his wife to get ready for his party.

  23. Victor

    She makes Jordan Bratman happy, and makes my dick very happy. Instant hard on, I need to get off this keyboard so I can do my business.

  24. BarbadoSlim

    What a greasy mess, get me some industrial de-greaser and a belt sander STAT!

  25. shallow

    Every time I see them as a couple, I can’t help but think that it’s just a bad fucking joke that is being played on the public.

    But, I must be jealous, right?

    Cause the hairy little nematoad is boning X-tina every day.

    Or maybe not, judging from the look on his face.

  26. amma

    …His look basically says he
    married his masturbation fantasy.
    And it was great. The first four
    months. Except that now he has
    slept with her a gazillion
    times and is bored. And
    she eats a lot and is always
    drunk. And posing. And eating.
    And talking. And falling down.
    And spending money. And putting
    on make-up. And drinking more.

  27. Ronald McDonald

    She is about 5’2″ tall. He must be the same height. Salema Hayek could eat that tiny little homo.

  28. schack

    that’s the way of the world, shallow. for some unknown reason (if one can call it that) women are really attracted to douche-bag tossers.

  29. kwsoze

    wait, why is wearing flowers on your head considered dressing in Hawaiian garb?

  30. Chauncey Gardner



    POW! ZONK!






  31. when i look at the picture the only thing that comes to my head is this:
    “she really needs to work on her colors”

  32. Chauncey Gardner

    You know, I can’t see his utility belt from here, but he can’t possibly have enough Brat-Ho-Repellent if he’s hanging around with Christina.

  33. honeycomb's_big_yeahyeahyeah!

    He’s wearing a “Get Lei’d” shirt. You can’t hate on him too harshly.

  34. honeycomb's_big_yeahyeahyeah!

    Also, the outfit on Christina is less “Hawaiian” than it is “feed the sacrificial virgin to the angry volcano gods”-ian. Or IS that Hawaiian? The little I know of US history/geography comes from that Animaniacs song about the US capitals.

  35. I think that look on his face is his intense fear that one day he is going to wake up and this dream will be over. Or that she will wake up and realize what a useless, ugly fucking retard she is with and run out of the room screaming.

    Honestly, do us a favor and fuck somebody pretty. It would be good for the whole group. I give this douche-bag another 6 months tops on holding this charade together.


  36. Richport – there’s your choke-fuck right there!!!

  37. captain obvious

    Sooo much makeup. This girl tries way to hard. She has an amazing, strong voice, but she’s not the icon she thinks she is. She’s always posing and acting like she’s so sexy; she thinks she is this generations Marilyn Monroe or something. Sorry, Christina, not even close. You’re just another pop princess, the only difference is you can actually sing (though personally I don’t care for her voice or her music, but I can admit talent when I hear it). Well, at least she finally stopped that whole disgusting “dirty” look…eeew

  38. woodhorse

    in pic two – he looks so fucking funny, *catching breath from laughing so hard* I want to fuck him – if he leaves the skirt on.

  39. dudley

    What an ugly bastard.

    Jesus christ

  40. King Dong

    that dude’s shirt is sooo gei.

  41. Petite

    Why do stage performers always dress like they’re about to put on a show?!?!?!

  42. noway

    i would be angry if i was married to this bitch- she’s a total diva who makes a scene when things don’t go her way. i once saw her bitch this 13 year old girl out for asking for an autograph. god forbid anyone bother this prima donna!

  43. BarbadoSlim

    Bratman better enjoy his little dish while she’s young ‘n tight. Seriously her body is a little whack. C’mon that bow-legged deal, she’s a midget, flat ass.

    I want to see what she’ll look like after a coupla kids.

  44. skankalicious mom

    @#37 – well said
    she really does go way over the top with all that war paint, sheesh – tone it down Xtina you look like you walked into a cosmetics factory and got pelted.

  45. Binky

    Well,ok, I’ve seldom been called a ‘Fashion Maven.’
    But if I were her, I’d subtly mention to him sometime that he could maybe lose the ‘faux’ grass skirt.
    I just don’t think it’s working.

  46. Negatrice


  47. Kathleen

    She wears a LOT of make-up…

  48. anna

    If my wife were walking around like a common street whore I wouldn’t look happy either. Additionally, if people were taking pictures of her to send all around the world for guys to jackoff too…i would look like this.


  50. lambman

    That would be a really cute bathing suit if not for that white thing around her waist. Plus it fits with her whole, pretend everyday is Halloween and dress like a 1940′s clown hooking thing…which I still support over having a cottage cheese ass and no talent like Britney

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