It’s Called A Sandwich, Christina Aguilera, Maybe You Should Try Eating One

October 10th, 2012 // 119 Comments

A few weeks back I joked that Christina Aguilera pretty much threw in the towel and said, “Fuck it, I’m Aretha Franklin now.” And like everything asshole thing that comes out of my mouth, that turned out to be the exact case because I control this reality and all those who dwell within. To prove my point, in the next hour a photo of a famous person followed by marginal penis-themed comedy will appear on this site. Then and only then, will you grasp the true nature of my power. REPENT!

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    TayTay
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s a line of symmetry on that dress…

  2. I love round women. I think that’s the way they’re supposed to be (to a point, of course). Christina is totally fuckable, (imagine those majestic tits) and as for Jessica Simpson…??? I’d marry her in a fucking heartbeat!

  3. Fish said Christina is as big as a house? Well that’s a house I could live in.

  4. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s gone from “Genie In A Bottle” to Genie In A Barrel.

  5. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    pavement_smear
    Commented on this photo:

    I finally got it – it’s a NASA special materials test! Those nanotube fiber strands can withstand just about anything…

  6. Guy Guy LeDouche_

    I want to lick champagne off that ass crack.

  7. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    rj
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s been thick for awhile, but didn’t have a butt like that. Body shaper? I strong one.

  8. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Misana
    Commented on this photo:

    Did she get her butt done? is it padded? it has a weird shape.

  9. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s no moon…

  10. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    amir
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s got butt pads… Christina never had an inkling of ’round’ to her ass.

  11. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Brian
    Commented on this photo:

    luv her body

  12. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    BbyBluThghHghs
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s like a Coco/Brooke Hogan hybrid. Ew.

  13. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Yesyes
    Commented on this photo:

    Sexy, hot and gorgeous! I would so love to do her!

  14. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Viviana
    Commented on this photo:

    Cris baja de peso, tu trasero se ve fatal!!!

  15. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    bri
    Commented on this photo:

    In a real world viewpoint she doesn’t look that bad. People are freaking because she was so tiny when she was younger. She had a baby things change! She’s tone and looks healthy.

  16. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    bri
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s probably like size six calm down people!!!!!! If you saw her in real life she is still pretty small. come on!!!!!!

  17. bunyach

    I don’t get the title? She doesn’t need another sandwich! How is this the same girl that did Burlesque like 2 years ago? Did she not eat for 3 months for that movie? She is 31 and has a kid to be a model for, for cryin out loud. Drop the liquor and crap food and lose 20 lbs – you’d be one of the hottest out there!

  18. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Diamond Dave
    Commented on this photo:

    Hiding a dozen of Krispy Kreme donuts between her cheeks?

  19. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    nothanks
    Commented on this photo:

    do not want!!!

  20. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Doc Oc
    Commented on this photo:

    Anna Nicole Smith?

  21. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Doc Oc
    Commented on this photo:

    Isn’t that supposed to be the undergarment?

  22. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Josie
    Commented on this photo:

    looks like kim k has got some competition

  23. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Poopie Socks
    Commented on this photo:

    When did Snooki go blonde?

  24. Diana

    The funny part is that all of your girlfriends combined don’t look half as good as her even if she gained 50 more fucking pounds.

  25. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Mona
    Commented on this photo:

    What the hell is wrong with you people? I’m sure you are all perfect size 0 models…

  26. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Fap Fappington
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m sure I’m not the first to say it, but I would happily get lost in that ass for a week.

  27. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Nasty!
    Commented on this photo:

    Whoa this fatness does make her look like Snookie! Gross.

  28. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    expletivebmp
    Commented on this photo:

    that ass! finally, a real woman!

  29. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    jcurtisp
    Commented on this photo:

    Jessica Simpson or Jenny Craig?

  30. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    uber
    Commented on this photo:

    i keep hoping that this is all an elaborate troll, and that any minute she’s going to tell us that she’s been wearing one of eddie murphy’s fat suits from the nutty professor movies this whole time

  31. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Jiggles McGee
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t mind her thick body, she’s still sexy… she just needs to learn how to dress for her figure. Same with the jersey girl hair & makeup…. she needs a proper makeover, not weight loss! Who the hell is her stylist?!

  32. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Commented on this photo:

    Why didn’t the people on E! zoom the camera on the snail trail she left on the couch on Chelsea Lately?

  33. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Will her anti underwear statement discourage or encourage paparazzi upskirt attempts? She looks like she could stomp the shit out of someone if they timed things badly.

  34. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Janice
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh I get it – for Halloween she’s dressed as an argument against gay marriage. Because if Snooki and Christina Applegate got married and were somehow able to procreate, this is what it would look like.

  35. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    Sir Mix-a-Lot just came

  36. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    The problem with not wearing any underpants is everyone sees it when you shit yourself.

  37. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    All is explained. It’s not crappy fake tan. Her legs are just caked with dried up crap.

  38. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    If you wanna be with me
    Baby there’s a price to pay
    Gotta fry me some bacon
    Gotta like my poopoo!

  39. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    YIKES
    Commented on this photo:

    Great…someone else who is “embracing” being out of shape and overweight, and feeling “sexy”. Enough with the “I love my new curves”…you’re FAT. F-A-T. It’s not healthy. And it’s a lousy example to set. This is nothing more than someone letting herself go.

  40. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    lad
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks proud of that azz

  41. Christina Aguilera Fat Tight Dress AMA Nominations
    Hello!
    Commented on this photo:

    I think she’s waaay sexier than Kim Kardashian

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