It’s Called A Sandwich, Christina Aguilera, Maybe You Should Try Eating One

A few weeks back I joked that Christina Aguilera pretty much threw in the towel and said, “Fuck it, I’m Aretha Franklin now.” And like everything asshole thing that comes out of my mouth, that turned out to be the exact case because I control this reality and all those who dwell within. To prove my point, in the next hour a photo of a famous person followed by marginal penis-themed comedy will appear on this site. Then and only then, will you grasp the true nature of my power. REPENT!

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, Splash News