A few weeks back I joked that Christina Aguilera pretty much threw in the towel and said, “Fuck it, I’m Aretha Franklin now.” And like everything asshole thing that comes out of my mouth, that turned out to be the exact case because I control this reality and all those who dwell within. To prove my point, in the next hour a photo of a famous person followed by marginal penis-themed comedy will appear on this site. Then and only then, will you grasp the true nature of my power. REPENT!
Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, Splash News
There’s a line of symmetry on that dress…
I love round women. I think that’s the way they’re supposed to be (to a point, of course). Christina is totally fuckable, (imagine those majestic tits) and as for Jessica Simpson…??? I’d marry her in a fucking heartbeat!
Fish said Christina is as big as a house? Well that’s a house I could live in.
She’s gone from “Genie In A Bottle” to Genie In A Barrel.
I finally got it – it’s a NASA special materials test! Those nanotube fiber strands can withstand just about anything…
I want to lick champagne off that ass crack.
She’s been thick for awhile, but didn’t have a butt like that. Body shaper? I strong one.
Did she get her butt done? is it padded? it has a weird shape.
That’s no moon…
She’s got butt pads… Christina never had an inkling of ’round’ to her ass.
luv her body
She’s like a Coco/Brooke Hogan hybrid. Ew.
Sexy, hot and gorgeous! I would so love to do her!
Cris baja de peso, tu trasero se ve fatal!!!
In a real world viewpoint she doesn’t look that bad. People are freaking because she was so tiny when she was younger. She had a baby things change! She’s tone and looks healthy.
She’s probably like size six calm down people!!!!!! If you saw her in real life she is still pretty small. come on!!!!!!
I don’t get the title? She doesn’t need another sandwich! How is this the same girl that did Burlesque like 2 years ago? Did she not eat for 3 months for that movie? She is 31 and has a kid to be a model for, for cryin out loud. Drop the liquor and crap food and lose 20 lbs – you’d be one of the hottest out there!
Hiding a dozen of Krispy Kreme donuts between her cheeks?
do not want!!!
Anna Nicole Smith?
Isn’t that supposed to be the undergarment?
looks like kim k has got some competition
When did Snooki go blonde?
The funny part is that all of your girlfriends combined don’t look half as good as her even if she gained 50 more fucking pounds.
What the hell is wrong with you people? I’m sure you are all perfect size 0 models…
I’m sure I’m not the first to say it, but I would happily get lost in that ass for a week.
Whoa this fatness does make her look like Snookie! Gross.
that ass! finally, a real woman!
Jessica Simpson or Jenny Craig?
i keep hoping that this is all an elaborate troll, and that any minute she’s going to tell us that she’s been wearing one of eddie murphy’s fat suits from the nutty professor movies this whole time
I don’t mind her thick body, she’s still sexy… she just needs to learn how to dress for her figure. Same with the jersey girl hair & makeup…. she needs a proper makeover, not weight loss! Who the hell is her stylist?!
Why didn’t the people on E! zoom the camera on the snail trail she left on the couch on Chelsea Lately?
Will her anti underwear statement discourage or encourage paparazzi upskirt attempts? She looks like she could stomp the shit out of someone if they timed things badly.
Oh I get it – for Halloween she’s dressed as an argument against gay marriage. Because if Snooki and Christina Applegate got married and were somehow able to procreate, this is what it would look like.
Sir Mix-a-Lot just came
The problem with not wearing any underpants is everyone sees it when you shit yourself.
All is explained. It’s not crappy fake tan. Her legs are just caked with dried up crap.
If you wanna be with me
Baby there’s a price to pay
Gotta fry me some bacon
Gotta like my poopoo!
Great…someone else who is “embracing” being out of shape and overweight, and feeling “sexy”. Enough with the “I love my new curves”…you’re FAT. F-A-T. It’s not healthy. And it’s a lousy example to set. This is nothing more than someone letting herself go.
she looks proud of that azz
I think she’s waaay sexier than Kim Kardashian